Past Mistakes
by Sery
Summary: AU Everyone makes mistakes, but about some mistakes you can regret your whole life and future, so does Relena... 3xR & 1xR, and other pairings. Warning: lime, rape, suicide, language, lime, future lemon
1. Happiness isn't forever

**Okay, there will be a short summary of what has happened in the first 11 chapters in Chapter 12, so if you don't want to read the first 11 chappies, just skip to 12, the 1xR moments starts from chapter 7.**

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Past Mistakes

Summary: Relena is leading a happy life. She is engaged with Trowa and they both love each other a lot. She is very happy, until... 1xRx3

Rate: T

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing

Chapter 1 Happiness isn't forever

Relena rushed in her office. She greeted her staff with a broad smile. She couldn't stay long to make a chat as she often did. That was because she was late. And not just a few minutes. And that for the first time. Lightly she shook her head. She didn't sleep well last night. And that because of...

Deep in her own thoughts she arrived at the door of her cabin. She placed her hand on the doorknob and was about to push it open when she felt that someone was staring at her. She let out a sigh and turned round to face her. Her secretary. Dorothy. Relena sometimes wondered why she hadn't fired her. Her looks gave her often shivers. Dorothy peered at her with her big eyes. She was quite beautiful; Relena couldn't understand why her secretary didn't have a boyfriend. But well, it was not her problem. Relena smiled.

"Good morning, Dorothy."

"Good morning, madam." Dorothy replied. Relena felt how shivers ran down her spine by the look of Dorothy's cold eyes and hearing her even colder voice. Relena managed to stay smiling.

"You'd a fine day, yesterday?"

The woman in the white dress sitting at her desk glanced away. "Well, I had a fine day. But I suppose you had the most fantastic evening in your life." Dorothy looked her straight in the eye and smirked.

'I really should have fired her,' Relena thought.

"Or, should I say night?"

She really was crossing her limits. Her secretary didn't wait for Relena to answer. She shuffled through her papers. Relena sighed. A conversation with Dorothy like this she'd never had before. Her secretary had to be upset about last night's events. Relena hadn't noticed it yet, but now she gave Dorothy a closer look. Her eyes were red and she had bags under her eyes. She didn't slept very well last night, too. And her long, blond hair was a mess. She hadheavy make-up on. It had to be difficult for her too.

"Were there any phone calls for me," Relena sighed.

"No," she said shortly.

Relena stayed there for her door for a while. She had no idea what to do. It was a very unpleasant situation. Relena glanced at her left hand, where she was wearing the diamond ring in her ring finger. She closed her eyes. It wasn't her fault that her secretary liked her boyfriend. No, her fiancé, she corrected herself. Just last evening they got engaged. The diamond ring was the engagement ring he gave her. Well, if her secretary would remain behaving like this, she would be fired for sure. Relena turned around on her high heels and was about to open the door when she heard her secretary suddenly.

"Your fiancé is inside in your cabin."

Relena stopped and frowned. What was he doing in her office? She glanced over her shoulder at her secretary. Dorothy didn't pay much attention to her and was looking in her files.

'There's something wrong with her. And I don't think I'm the only reason. I can't believe that,' Relena pushed her cabin door open.

Relenagasped when shecame in her cabin.

"What are you doing here?" She shut the door behind her and gazed at her fiancé. "Trowa...?"

The tall man was sitting in her luxury chair with the back of it turned towards her. She placed one hand on her hip. His voice was as always calm.

"I've heard warmer greetings from you." He turned in the chair. Hewas holdingto her surprise an open file in his hand and a fewwere layingin his lap. Her anger calmed down a bit. Actually, it hadn't been anger, more curiosity. "I'm your fiancé. Haven't I any right to come here, my little princess."

Maybe he was hurt. She sighed and tossed her handbag on a nearby chair.

"I'm sorry Trowa, really. It's just that I've had a heavy night."

He grinned. "I wasn't the whole night with you. You didn't decide to make someone else your prey, or did you, little princess?"

She couldn't read his green eyes because his brown hair hid them. But his voice and the grin on his face told her that he was teasing her. She walked towards her large desk.

"Listen, I'm really sorry,'' her face was serious." Of course you may come here whenever you want to. It's yours too. You know that." She looked at the files. "What were you trying to do, Trowa Barton?''

He glanced at the files. "I didn't expect you to come. You didn't sleep much last night, did you?" Relena blushed; he smirked. "If you'd wished I would have stayed all night long with you. But you didn't."

She looked at her fingers, ignoring his gaze and remembered last night. If he would have stayed the night with her, she knew what could've happened. Not that she didn't want to, but everything had been so different last night. So unfamiliar yet comfortable. She smiled.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing," she murmured. "I was only thinking how lucky I am that I've found you." She glanced at his left hand. He was wearing his ring too.

"Won't you sit?'' he asked her suddenly. She looked up to him, still smiling.

"I'd love to, but it is a bit difficult as you're sitting on my seat."

"O really? I'm so sorry," he grinned. He laid the files on the desk but made no movements so stand up. She lifted her eyebrows.

"Trowa, don't think that I'm going to sit in your... lap."

His grin grew wider. "Why not little princess? I'm your fiancé now, I yesterday let go my chance, but today I'm not going to be as foolish." He winked.

"Listen, I'm not in the mood."

"Yeah, you're never..."

She sighed. "I mean not here."

"Wow, my little princess. Are we going to make any plans for tonight?" He couldn't stop teasing her. She looked away to the blue sky. "Princess, my little princess." His voice was filled with love. He stood up and walked towards her. "What are you thinking of?" He was near her, when she suddenly walked towards the window. "Little princess, what's wrong?" He hugged her from behind. His arms were lying around her waist. "Relena..."

"I was thinking how happy my dad would have been if he was there yesterday with us." Tears prickled in her eyes.

"He would've been happy, little princess, you know that." She just nodded.

"Why do you call me 'little princess'?"

"Does it annoy you?"

"No, no, I don't mean that. But why 'little'?" She turned around in his embrace. "I'm not that short, am I?"

He was tall, that was true. But with her high heels her head reached his eyes. She hoped he wouldn't notice that she'd changed the subject. Even if he did so, he didn't say anything about it. He smirked again, but his eyes remained still serious. His eyes slowly glided over her body. She shivered.

"You aren't that short, my little princess." She sighed. "Not with your high heels."

She flushed again. Lightly he brushed his lips against hers. She looked into his beautiful green eyes. "Then why," she murmured.

He smiled at her. She put her arms around his neck and waited for him to answer.

"There's a quite gap between our ages, don't you think that too?"

She shook lightly her head while she'd knit her eyebrows together. "No, of course not."

"There IS my little princess," he sighed. He looked out the windows with his arms still round her. She leaned in his loose embrace backagainst the wall and listened to him. "You are only eighteen, Relena. And... I... well..." he smirked and stared in her blue eyes making her feel she wasn't of this world anymore. "I am almost ten years older than you."

"Then? I still love you," she pouted her lips and didn't want to listen to his nonsense. She let her head rest on his shoulder and leaned again against him.

'How will it be when we'll be married?' she thought.

He strengthened his grip on her waist. She felt happy and complete with him. He never went too far, though she always wanted him to. He always stopped at a part that made her yearn for more. But still, he was so loving and adorable.

"Why didn't you go to your work today?'' she spoke to his shirt and smelled his manly scent deeply. It was almost making her dizzy.

"I wanted to see you.'' He said it so simply.

''I love you," she said again feeling a lump in her throat.

She lifted her head up to look into his eyes. She saw his expression changing and she wanted nothing more than to stay just like this. His arms suddenly left her waist and he cupped her face in his hands. He bent forward to drop a light kiss on her lips. Then he embraced her again like he would never let her go.

Softly he nuzzled her neck and nibbled at her earlobe. Her hands came up to stroke the light brown hair on his neck. He led her towards the couch that was placed opposite the window against the white wall while he kept nuzzling her neck and shoulder. She moaned his name and tangled her fingers in his soft brown hair.

He dropped her on the couch. She gasped at his unexpected movements. She wanted this for so long...

He pulled her skirt a bit up that covered her legs till her knees. Then he crawled with his heavy body over her and let his rough fingers caress the soft skin of her thighs. She couldn't suppress the smile that formed on her lips when she heard him curse. He looked up at her with his eyes that were dark at that moment. He was looking almost angry and sounding too.

"Why did you have to wear tights in this hot weather." He had a quite disappointed look on his face. She smiled sweetly at him and pulled him up to her. When their noses were almost touching she said whispering.

"The weather is not hot... you are hot." She saw his lips curl up into a smile.

"I like that," he said in a husky voice and bowed forward again.

His arms found her waist, again her fingers were tangled in his hair. She was pressed tightly against him and was lying very uncomfortable, but didn't care a little about it. He nibbled first at her lips causing shivers ran down her spine. She was longing for so much more. Trowa deepened the kiss and slid his tongue into her small mouth. She closed her eyes and kissed him back with equal passion.

He coaxed her mouth into a tender kiss that was far form a rough one. When he broke away she breathed some much needed air in. She saw he was staring at her.

''What?" she asked. She sounded more irritated than that she really was. He stood up, never breaking his intense gaze with her.

"Nothing," he just said and offered her his hand to help her standing up.

Relena wanted to know why he'd stopped, but she didn't ask him anything. Instead, she pulled him again towards her and laid her arms around his neck. He grabbed her instantly pulling her soft body tightly against his. One corner of his mouth curled up before he seized her mouth with his own one.

It was maybe the longest kiss they'd ever shared. Relena sighed in pleasure when he broke away and kissed her neck. He made his way up to whisper in her ear. "Now, my little princess, let's do some work. And I don't mean this work. No, the serious work."

She clutched her arms tightly around his shoulders. "No... I don't want to," she said and shook determined her head. He began the nibble her ear.

"We'll have to," he tried to convince her.

She closed her eyes and moaned; she was loosing concentration. He was biting softly in her ear lobe. She loosened her grip on him and pulled away quickly from her. By the lost of the warmth of his body she stared disappointed at his chest. Didn't he want her as much as she wanted him? But she knew better. She looked up to meet his green eyes again. He wanted her. He wanted her badly, she knew. Then why...? Why had he always to stop so suddenly?

She sighed while looking away from his weirdly twinkling eyes. OK, he was right. It was time to work now, she guessed. "Fine Trowa, you'll have it as always your way." She walked towards her desk. Relena adjusted her clothes and hair while he was speaking.

"You have a meeting with Mr Brady in two minutes."

"What?" she shrieked. "No, not with him..." Sitting in her chair she laid her head on the table.

"Why? He's not that bad." He smirked. She lifted her head up to see his grinning face.

"You are lying, aren't you? Say that I don't have a meeting with him, please..." she asked him hopefully. He let out a sigh.

"I am afraid you have, my little princess." She greeted her teeth.

"Fine then. Oh, and what did you do with the other meeting I had earlier this morning?"

"I cancelled it," he said simply.

She smiled first thankfully to him. "That's kind of you. But why didn't you postpone **this **meeting than?"

He left her question ignored. "Well, my little princess, I'll have to go right now. Oh, and have fun with Brady." he was heading to her cabin door now.

"Yeah, yeah, fun… Um, Trowa?"

"Yes?" he turned around to see her.

"I think, well… I think I'm going to fire Dorothy." She saw his surprised expression. "I am serious about it."

He lifted his eyebrows even more up then bent his head a little. Now she couldn't read his face fully. He suddenly turned around again and answered after long thinking. "Do what you want Relena. She is your secretary. But I'll advice you not to fire her till you have another one. It's only an advice. If you wish to do it else, do it. I won't bother you."

Sometimes she couldn't just understand him completely. "You know I'll listen to you, Trowa. I know you want the best for me."

She stared at his back, coz she wasn't able to see the look on his face. Relieved she saw him relax a bit. He eased his broad shoulders. But why was** he **so tensed? Unexpectedly he turned his head to her and winked at the blonde.

"I already knew you'll do it as I said. You trust me entirely, don't you?"

She smiled. "More than I do trust myself."

"Okay than, I'll see you in the evening at eight at your home," he winked again. "And don't be too mean to Brady, my little princess." With these words he left her alone again.

She sighed when the phone rang knowing who it was.

"Mr Brady is here," her secretary's cold voice reached her ears.

"Send him in." She rolled her eyes and prepared herself for two hours of nagging.

-

"Stop… listen. I'll say it once more again. STOP!" Relena was doing her best not to become hysterical. "Please," she pleaded her friend again. "Stop laughing like an idiot… everyone is looking at us." It looked like her words weren't reaching the ears of her dear friend. "Hilde…" she'd lost all hope.

Everyone in the expensive restaurant was staring at the two girls. One blonde, beautiful girl whose cheeks were as red as tomatoes. She was pleading her friend to stop, hopelessly. The other girl, very pretty too, was laughing hard and wasn't totally caring about the people around her. She had short dark hair, just long enough to fall over her bare shoulders. She was looking quite drunk, as she was giggling there, though she wasn't at all.

Relena apologized to some people who were looking very angry and disturbed from their diner. "Hilde," she called the other woman again.

"Okay, okay," her friend was having tears in her eyes now. She sat a bit up. "O my god," she sighed and giggled again a little. "I just can't believe it… You - you…"

"Believe it or believe it not," Relena mumbled and sipped from her glass water. She wasn't feeling very hungry anymore. She shouldn't have told Hilde about 'it.' It had ruined their diner, at least for her, and had spoilt her mood.

Hilde leaned back in her chair and stared at her friend. She had still a broad grin on her face. "I just can't… unbelievable that you, Relena Darlian," she giggled again a little.

Relena looked annoyed back. "Cut it, Hilde."

But she ignored Relena's words. "… You gave that fatty, that Brady bastard a punch right in his face." She grinned. "I'm jealous, you know, I want to see – no, do it too. To that bas-" Some people coughed loudly and this time Hilde was wise enough to keep her mouth shut.

Relena glanced away. "He was getting on my nerves."

"Yeah, yeah, just say that that bitch, slu- sorry…" Hilde apologized to an angry red-faced man. She continued after a sigh. "That secretary of yours, Dorothy, ruined your morning, your time with Trowa, didn't she? I guess that Brady joker helped her too."

"Well, actually, no. Frankly, I don't even know why I'd to screw up things with Brady," Relena confessed after long thinking. She glanced at her watch. "Shit, shit shit."

"Bullshit," Hilde interrupted her sipping from her glass wine.

She looked up to Hilde. "Thanks, yeah, right, bullshit" she said indistinctly.

"Say it aloud, or are you afraid?" Hilde said with crossed arms.

Relena stood promptly up. "Listen, I have to go. I well; I'd to meet Trowa at home at eight. I'm already one hour too late. I am so sorry Hilde, but I really have to go. I don't know, everything is going wrong after the engagement," she stared at her fingers.

"Relena, don't say that. You've had just a bad day. Your engagement has nothing to do with it."

Hilde didn't want an objection. Relena could hear it from her voice. "I guess you're right. This is the second time I'll be late-"

"Third time. You were late for our diner too." Hilde interrupted her.

"I'm sorry, how could I make it up," Relena pleaded.

"Just go now. Trowa must be tired of waiting for you. And Relena..."

"Hmm?" Relena turned round to face her friend again.

"Don't forget that you're the luckiest woman in the world that you've a man like Trowa."

Relena smiled. "He's not my man yet."

Her closest friend shook her head. She had a smile a her face too. "But he will be soon, very soon."

-

Relena hurried to unlock the front door. Pagan must have let him inside. He knew Trowa.

She had a weird feeling in her stomach when she entered her house. When she came in the living room, she knew why. There was a man, sitting on the bench, who she couldn't recognize. He had dark mysterious eyes. Had Pagan let him in? Or...

Who was he?


	2. How it all began

**At first I want to say sorry to all the one who'd to wait so long for this chapter. School was keeping me really busy; that's why I couldn't update sooner. I am going to do my very best to upload the next story in two or three weeks.  
And a very important thing: I want to thanx every one who's read& reviewed my story.**

**There were a few questions asked from the reviewers.  
Well, this is an AU fic, Relena isn't here a minister of something, she's just running her dad's business. And when will Heero come... well wait and see, but I promise soon. And the pairing... There are various pairings in this story. As the story develops, you'll find out. At this moment it's 3xR.  
Oh, and sorry if you found that Trowa was saying a bit to much Relena's nickname. I tried to reduce that use of his.**

**I've done my best on done chap, cut a few parts, and put some lines extra in it, I hope I won't disappoint any one with this chap.**

**And now, enjoy reading and don't forget to leave a review!**

**Much love,  
Sery

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Rate: T, may change in next chapters.

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing

Chapter two How it all began

She gaped at the man with brown hair. He smiled broadly and stood up.

Wait… she'd seen him somewhere – no, she had met him once. Relena sighed heavily when she remembered who this man with that irritating long braid was.

"Mr Maxwell, what are you doing here?" He kept smiling, but the looks in his eyes were changed.

"Oh, so you do remember me, Miss Relena? I was afraid you'd forgotten me."

"No, I hadn't."

"You look surprised to see me. And, I believe, not very happy."  
'Of course I am not happy to see you.'  
"Please, have a seat," she said ignoring his comment and gesturing with her hand. He took the offer willingly and sat back on the sofa. "Now, Mr. Maxwell, could you please tell me why you are here?"  
Relena tried not to sound too much irritated, but couldn't help it to look at him with anger in her eyes. She'd made it clear two months ago, if he was here to ask it her again... More important than that was that he was ruining her time with Trowa.  
Duo cleared his throat. "Well, actually Miss Relena, I've come to make another, a new proposal."  
Relena sighed; she'd guessed it right. She leaned back in her armchair, casting the man an angry glance. "I thought I had made it clear last time, Max-"  
"No, no no," he interrupted her. "I just said it's another proposal."  
"I have already told this you, I don't want to work with your company." She saw his heart sinking into his boots. But this time he didn't give up that easily.  
"I know, I know, the prices are too high... I'll reduce them," he offered. Relena rolled her eyes. Why won't he just give up?

"The prices aren't the problem. Not the only problem."

"What is it then?"

"A lot of things. I don't like your company's lay-out, for example. Nor do I like the people who work there."

'Like that Brady-'

"I'm sorry?"

Relena heaved a sigh again. "They are… rude."

"But… but."

"I don't want to make a new contract. How many times do I have to tell you?" She was near losing her temper. But Duo was trying other ways now to convince her somehow.

"But we've worked for over thirteen years together… even your father was satisfied with our work."

Relena glanced away when he mentioned her father. Damn, when would she be able to cope with it?

"Mr Maxwell, it's useless to talk further about this now. I won't change my mind. Our contract has expired." She stood up giving him the sign that the 'chat' was over and that he had to leave.

Duo pouted his lips then smiled at her. "OK then." He stood up and winked at Relena to her surprise. "But you don't know what you are going to lose by this."

Relena narrowed her eyes. He was quite different than the last time. He wasn't the Duo Maxwell who had walked out her office two months ago with hanging shoulders. He looked confident… a bit too over-confident.

"I don't know about you but I had a great time working with you and your company. I wish you success and happiness in your life. And I mean it from deep down in my heart."

Relena shook his offered hand. Maybe he wasn't that bad at all. But she'd no regrets about her decision. She'd never had them and hoped she would never have anything about to regret.

"Thanks, I wish you good luck too."

He grinned. "Oh, and before I forget: Congratulations."

"For what?" she asked him confused.

"For your engagement yesterday!"

"O, yeah… I mean thanks."

How did he know so soon about her engagement? It'd happen so suddenly and unexpected. Nobody had known she'd get engaged. Not even she'd known that Trowa would propose her on her 18th birthday party. Relena smiled thinking back at it. Being the richest girl in town wasn't always a good thing.

"So, the news travelled damn fast," Relena mumbled still drawn in thoughts. Duo smirked.

"You're very famous. Many people look up to you because you're handling your business so well at this age."

Relena felt her mouth dry. Again. When would he leave?

"Your fiancé… Trowa…"

'When will he just shut up and leave. And where the hell is Trowa?' She glanced around in the big room.

"Trowa Barton… I've heard many things about him. And well, I dun wan to get you worried, but they weren't very positive."

Duo had just finished his sentence when the two caught eye of someone standing in the doorway. Relena watched Trowa slowly walk towards them with his eyes focused on Duo. He didn't even bother to glance once at his fiancée. Relena felt surprise to see anger on the faces both men. Especially on Trowa's.

"Mr Maxwell, what a surprise to see you… here." Her fiancé's voice sounded cold.

Duo only smiled. "We were just talking about you."

"Yeah, I heard that."

Their voices were cold, just like their eyes. Cold and hard.

"Maxwell, would you be so kind to leave now. It's not an office to discuss business. Nor is it the right time."

Relena frowned her eyebrows. She'd never seen him angry like this before. He was always so calm; never losing his temper. What was wrong with him now?

"Actually I had some important things to discuss with you too, but I'll save them for later. I've to go somewhere, too. So I'll see you tomorrow, Barton," Duo said, between clenched teeth. Then with a smile he looked at the confused blonde.

Relena felt even more surprised when she saw no coldness in his eyes at all when he looked at her.

"I really hope we'll meet again soon. And please Miss Relena, next time when you'll give a party or something, please invite me too. I'm a bit hurt that you hadn't invited me yesterday. But it's okay. I've known your father for a long time. He has helped me a lot in the past. At least invite me in the future as a friend of your dad."

His eyes were pleading her. She was trembling, but tried her best to cover it.

"Of course, I'll." She managed to say in a whisper.

"Goodnight then and sweet dreams," Duo cheerfully said.

After kissing her right hand, he was gone. Relena plumped in her chair; for a while not aware of Trowa's presence, and thinking about all the things that had went wrong.

First she overslept, then her secretary Dorothy, Brady, late at dinner with Hilde who couldn't stop giggling and now Duo Maxwell… What a day.

She sighed.

"Princess, I…"

"Where were you?" She asked him suddenly and looked up to meet his green eyes. He knelt down for Relena and to her surprise gently took her face in his hands. He brought her tensed face close to his more relaxed, but worried one.

"Relena, what's wrong? Why are you so-"

"Nothing," Relena lied. "Just answer me Trowa, where were you all the time?" she demanded stubbornly to know. He sighed.

"I'd suddenly some import work to do, I couldn't cancel it. I'd called a few times at house."

"When?"

"Round eight."

"Oh… I'm sorry…" Relena tried to avoid his eyes by looking away, but his hands were still cupping her face gently.

"You were again late," he just said softly.

"Yeah," she admitted. Trowa slowly retreated his arms to his sides and stood up. When Relena looked up she saw him gazing at her. Thinking.

"Normally you're never late." She nodded. "It's OK, it can happen, Relena, but why do you look so tensed and anxious? Tell me, what happened? Was it-"

"It's nothing," Relena answered. She didn't want him to worry about her. He was doing already so much for her.

"OK then, if you don't want to tell me, its okay."

'Why is it feeling so bad about lying to him?' Relena cast her eyes down again. 'Why can't I just tell… No, why can't I forgot that-'

He helped her standing up. Relena tried again to avoid his intense gaze, but he cupped her face in his hands again and forced her to look in his eyes.

"Little princess, it's okay. Really. But please, don't ever lie to me again."

It was the tone in which he said that made tears come up in her eyes. Again. She hugged him tightly. Don't wanting to let him go. Not him too…

"I'm sorry she sniffed. Relena felt him stroke her blonde hair.

"It doesn't matter, really, but next time-"

"I won't lie. Promise," Relena said before he could finish his sentence. He pulled back to look at her. Grinning.

"No, no. Next time, don't be late. I know it's hard for you," his grin slowly faded. "But try to live further. Life can't stop like this. I agree that life is difficult, but we all have to live it." Relena nodded slowly her head in response that she was listening to him. "And don't be upset now, ok?" Trowa lowered his arms again to his sides and he took a step back giving her some space, still studying her face. And suddenly giving her a reassuring smile.

"Thanks Trowa," Relena felt a lump in her throat coming up. "I really don't know what I'd done without you. You've helped me always since we met for the first time."

Relena saw him thinking too about their first meeting. No one, not even they could've guessed then that they would get engaged. Nobody.

_TWO YEARS AGO_

"_You know I hate these parties."_

"_I know."_

"…"

"_What?"_

"_Listen, I dun want to come inside."_

"_Relena…"_

"_Hilde…"_

"_Please," her friend looked at her with pleading eyes. Relena sighed heavily. She agreed reluctantly. _

_They entered the big hall. Relena watched the people laughing, chatting, drinking, eating, enjoying._

"_Isn't it a nice party?"_

"…"

"_Relena don't be such a bore!"_

"_I am not. What do I have to do with all these old, drunken people?"_

"_Do you mean I am old?"_

_Relena glanced at her friend. Hilde was staring a bit annoyed back at her with her perfect eyebrows lowered towards her eyes. "Hilde, you're twenty. Four years older than me. You know a lot people, you are outgoing…"_

"_Do you think no one here knows you?" Hilde interrupted the blond woman._

"_It's not that…"_

_Hilde looked more annoyed by the second. She sighed heavily before she said: "Every one knows you here. Even if you don't know him."_

_Relena glanced away, feeling now awkward under her friend's gaze. Softly she answered. "That's only because of-"_

"_Your dad." Hilde completed her sentence._

_They were both silent for a long time, until someone broke it._

"_Ladies, why aren't you enjoying yourself?" suddenly a voice behind them said. _

_Both girls turned surprised around to the unknown voice. A man around the 25-26 was smiling at the two. Relena noticed how tall he was with broad shoulders and light brown hair that partially covered his eyes. But it were his eyes that caught Relena's attention at first. Beautiful, mysterious twinkling, green eyes._

"_Oh, Mr Trowa Barton. How nice to meet you again." It was Hilde who said something first. When Hilde nudged Relena, she realised that she had been staring all the time at him. Embarrassed Relena quickly looked away, not noting the grin on Trowa's face. _

"_Yes, it's my pleasure. And stop being so formal Hilde, just call me Trowa." Hilde smiled and nodded._

_So she knew him. With a big question mark on her head Relena at her so-called best friend. Finally Hilde noted her._

"_Oh, yes, yes, sorry I forgot." Hilde was more apologizing to Trowa than to Relena. "This is my friend. Relena Darlian. You must know her. And Relena, this is Trowa Barton. A very big businessman here in England, Spain, France, Holland, Germa-"_

"_No, no Hilde, that's not true," Trowa smiled. _

"_Oh, but it is Trowa. Come on, don't be so…"_

_The two kept chatting, while Relena was drown again in her own thoughts, not following their conversation. Relena felt surprised and unsure founding herself interested in this handsome man. She'd never met a boy or man she found so attractive. But he was too old for her…_

_Relena sighed, noting that Trowa was now moving towards other people. And Hilde standing next to her had found someone else to chat with._

"_Relena," Hilde nudged Relena again. Relena looked up from her thoughts. With a questioning face she tilted her head. "Do you know who that is?" Relena looked in the direction where Hilde was staring. _

"_Do you mean that woman in the green dress and black hair?" Relena saw Hilde nod when she glanced at her back. "I don't know her."_

"_She is Trowa's fiancée. She is beautiful, isn't she? I've talked once to her. Very sweet girl. And-"_

'_OK, for the first time I was interested in some one and then I realise he's already engaged…" Relena pouted her lips. Why won't she get any luck?_

"_He is a real gentleman, isn't he?" Hilde's voice pulled her back from the black clouds in her mind._

"_Hmm? Who?"_

"_Trowa."_

"… _Do you like him?" _

_Relena's friend rolled annoyed her eyes... The two were sitting by a small table in a dark corner of the big hall._

"_Yes, I do like him, but as a friend. Not by what you mean." Relena looked away._

"_I am bored. I'm going home."_

_Hilde took a sip of her glass before she answered. "I'll stay here a bit longer. Do you want to wait or…"_

"_No, I am going home."_

"_Who's going home here?" Surprised Relena looked up at Trowa's smiling face. Always smiling…_

"_Oh, Relena wants to go home," Hilde explained quickly._

"_What so soon? The party has just begun," he gazed at Relena what made her feel quite comfortable. He made it even more worse by taking a seat next to her, between the two girls. Relena felt a blush rising to her cheeks when he kept his eyes on her._

'_OK Relena, stop behaving like a twelve-year-old girl. He is engaged, after all!'_

_Relena forced herself to look back in his eyes when she spoke. "Actually, I don't like these kinds of parties." Was this truly her own voice?_

"_No? What kind of parties do you like then?" He sounded interested._

_Shit, she felt her cheeks glowing. Her face surely would've a bright red colour. She had to get away from him – especially his eyes…_

_Suddenly she stood up. Surprised he looked up._

"_Well, not this kind of formal parties. And Hilde I'm going. Are you coming or not?"_

"_No." Relena stared for a moment astonished at the other woman._

"_Okay, give me the car keys then."_

"_No."_

"_What!" Amazed Relena stared at her 'best' friend._

"_It's my car. Go find a lift." Hilde winked. Relena couldn't understand her wink then, but she was too angry to see it. But moreover uncomfortable to think clearly by his Trowa's presence. How could she be influenced by someone with just one meeting?_

"_Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then."_

"_I'll drop you," Trowa suddenly said. Astonished Relena stared for a moment at the man sitting next to her before she recovered._

"_No, no need for that," she mumbled._

_But he stood up and smiled. "Come."_

_He didn't wait for her and began to walk towards the exit. Relena glanced for the last time at her friend, who was still grinning, then she hurried to the exit. Outside she found him standing near his BMW._

_During the ride he was talking all the time, while she listened to him and stared out of the window at the bright stars in the dark sky. She had to admit that he was a good company. You'd never be bored with him around you. _

_Suddenly he stopped. Relena realised then when the vehicle stopped that they had already arrived at her home. _

"_Thanks for the lift," she said turning towards him and immediately feeling the blush cover her cheeks again._

'_Shit.'_

"_It's my pleasure, Miss Relena. And… will we meet again?"_

_For a moment Relena couldn't utter a word, and just stared at him. She cast her eyes down quickly when she realised he was staring back at her. Her cheeks felt like they were burning. He had such an uncertain look in his eyes when he asked it her… and that voice, manner that like a boy of 16 asking someone for the first time out._

'_Or am I imagining everything.'_

_It **had** to be her imagination. But what to say now? She hadn't expected this to hear from him. The fact: he was already engaged._

"_If it is in our destiny, we'll surely meet." His smile didn't waver of her answer._

_After thanking him again and wishing him a good night, she stepped out of his BMW. She shivered feeling a cold breeze. Why was she feeling so weird? Why…?_

_She turned to wave him a good bye again. He smiled once back at her, that induced even more shivers to run down her spine. He rode slowly away as she watched him go away._

_Would they meet again?_

_Relena shook her head with a small, sad smile on her lips. She was thinking like a 13-year-old girl who was in love. She had to stop thinking about him. He was just a man, engaged, who she had met on a party once. That was it. Nothing more. _

_From where that pain in her stomach, then?_

_No, it was not pain, it were butterflies. For the first time feeling them. It felt so strange… Relena leaned back at her door to close it and then stared at the white ceiling of her room. All the way to her room she had only been thinking about him. She closed her eyes. Why was she feeling so attracted to him? Why was she blushing all the time by his proximity? Why?_

_She knew all the answers to these questions, and that was the problem. _

_Relena heaved a sigh. Her dad hadn't arrived at home yet. A look o the clock told her it was already past midnight. Where was he? He had said he would be at home till ten, where was he now?_

_Relena decided to wait for her dad. She finally got her back of the door and turned the lights on. It had been much better if she never gone to this party. Never met him, never felt like this… O, it had been so much better._

_Actually, it had been much better if she had been four or six years older, and had met him two-three years ago._

_Relena stopped her train of thought again. No, no. She was thinking again in the wrong direction. What had he done to her? Quickly, forcing her to stop thinking, she began to change her clothes. When she had just put her light blue dress off, and grabbed to her nightgown, she heard the bell of the front door rang._

_Relena frowned her eye brows. Who could it be now? Or was it her father who had forgotten his keys again? He forgot them often, it could be possible that it was him. She heard the one at the front door ring impatiently again. Had to be her dad, he had never patience._

_She hurried to the front door only in her little nightgown, thinking that her father would be waiting outside. But it wasn't him._

_Relena gasped surprised. Trowa was standing there with her small, black bag in his hand. He was looking even more dashing in the dim light of the lamp at the front door. She didn't like the look in his eyes when he saw her in the little, sheer dress. Shit, why hadn't she pulled something else over it?_

_She felt herself shiver again when his eyes gradually glided up and down over her body. The look on his face didn't change, much his eyes did. Finally after a long uncomfortable silence he spoke._

"_You'd forgotten your bag in my car. I just saw it and decided to bring it back," he explained._

_With trembling hands she took the bag from his outstretched arm, hoping he wouldn't notice her trembling. He stood there in the doorway a few seconds, saying nothing. Probably waiting for her to invite him in for a coffee. But she'd no plans to invite him in. She was now alone at home and Pagan was sleeping. It was just too risky. And the look in his eyes weren't telling her any goods. She wouldn't take that risk. _

_Trowa probably got the hint. After a saying good bye and thanking again, he turned back to walk back to his car. Relena closed her eyes at his back. Damn, he smelled so good…it was provoking her to lean even closer to him to catch the smell even better._

_She shook her head, trying the get the thought out of her head and smiled weakly, feeling now really like a 13-years foolish girl._

_Her smile disappeared when she suddenly felt a warm breath tickling her face. Shocked she opened her eyes and looked straight back in his dark, green eyes. First she thought he was going to kiss her and closed her eyes again. But she felt his breath near her ear. She felt her stomach turn when he whispered next to her ear._

"_You are a very beautiful girl, Relena."_

_She was too stunned to move or to say something. She swallowed with great difficulty and opened her eyes. He looked her again deep in the eyes before he bent his head again and placed his lips on hers._

_When he gently pushed his tongue against her lips, she opened her mouth without thinking, in a reflex. She began to kiss him back._

_She'd never felt so attractive like to a boy or man as like him. And that had been the reason for not inviting him in. She had not idea how the deal with this problem. The problem that he was engaged._

_When he broke away Relena gulped down the much needed air she had been missing for more than 15 minutes. She was about to open her eyes and smile when he said something that hit her heart._

"_I… I'm sorry… I shouldn't have done this."_

_His voice sounded regretful. Not the unexpected kiss, but his words made her angry. Relena slowly opened her eyes, feeling anger rising in her up. But what else had she expected him to say. He was after all engaged, but still_

_Relena glared at him and tried to keep her temper. But she had to say something to make clear she didn't appreciate this behaviour of him. _

"_Bastard," she said between gritted teeth before she slammed the door shut in his face._

_-_

"_Actually I had already expected him to do something like this."_

_Eyes full with disbelief Relena stared at her friend._

"_Why didn't you tell it me, then Hilde? How did you know?"_

"_Well, the way he was just looking at you…" she winked. Relena looked away._

"_I don't want to meet that bastard again. First kissing me and then telling me I'm sorry? What had he in mind when he was kissing me? And soon he's going to marry, isn't he?"_

"_Relena… he is a real gentleman and cares a lot about other people – and their feelings. And this act…" Hilde frowned her eye brows staring seriously at Relena. "He must really like you; else he wouldn't have kissed you and then said sorry. He must've said sorry coz he didn't knew how you felt. And well, maybe too because he's already engaged."_

_Relena was a bit unnerved of this now, though she didn't change her point of view on him._

"_I don't care what reason he had, but I'm not going to meet him again. No Hilde, you can't make me change my mind. I hate him, that third-class bastard."_

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"Nooo!"

Relena sat up in her bed. Her body was full of sweat. She tried to get her heartbeat back to normal again.

"No… no, not again…" she whispered in the dark. Relena closed her eyes only to open them immediately again. That image again. She knew she wouldn't get sleep any more. Slowly Relena pulled the covers back. Though she was covered with sweat – she even tasted it in her mouth – she was trembling.

She stepped out of the bed and opened the window. The fresh cool outside air made her feel a lot better. After standing there near the window for a long time she glanced at her clock.

Five A.M in the morning. Great.

Trowa had left a half hour after Duo's departure. He'd still been upset about something; but hadn't told her anything. On the contrary, he'd told her he was worried about her. Worried about that… about this…

Relena sighed and decided to call Hilde. There was not much chance she would get the luck to speak her at this time, yet Relena went to the small side table next to her bed to phone the dark haired woman.

After that her cell phone must've rung at least twenty-two times, Hilde picked up her mobile.

"Relena are you mad…! It is-"

"Hilde…" Relena had no idea how Hilde knew what was wrong, maybe it was her voice that had been sounding so weak while saying Hilde's name.

"You – you'd a nightmare again… about – about you mother…"


	3. Party time

**Past mistakes**

**Warning**: there is a rape at the end, don't read it if you don't want to...

Rate: T, may change in next chapters.

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing

**Chapter three** Party time

She was peering angrily at her. "Are you going to tell it me or what?" Full of impatience Hilde drummed on the table. She looked Relena straight in the eye again. "Well? I am expecting an answer."

Relena turned her eyes up to sent her closest friend a reassuring smile. "Come on, Hilde, there's nothing wrong with me. What do I have to tell you?"

"How many times do you have them?"  
"What?" Questioning Relena gazed at the dark haired woman. Hilde let out a sigh before she made her demand again.

"How often do you have those – nightmares. How often per week?"

"Hilde…" the blond girl sighed.

"How often," the other insisted.

Relena sighed again; she admitted finally defeated. "Okay, okay. Uhm…well." Anxiously Hilde watched her think. "About three or four times a month." Relena finally answered after long thinking. "But really, it's nothing. They're only dreams – okay, nightmares. So, there is nothing to get worried about," she tried to convince Hilde.

"No Relena, this is serious. You have had them since… since your mother- "

Relena looked away. "- since she passed away," she finished the sentence.

There a fell a long silence. Relena heard the bird chirping outside. She heard her secretary tapping away in her cabin that was adjacent to her own cabin. This wasn't the perfect place to talk about such personal and sensitive things. Not in her office and especially not now. It wasn't the right time. Her wounds hadn't healed yet.

'Why won't Hilde understand? She's after all my childhood friend.'

Though Relena understood why her friend was doing this, why she was trying to help her. Relena knew that this was right. But her heart wouldn't listen. Her nightmares wouldn't disappear. All those memories wouldn't be forgotten. All those small things that touched – tore her heart apart wouldn't vanish. She would be never the same as before. Not that small, innocent 13-years old girl. She would never be like that again.

Nothing would change except for the fact that Hilde would hear again what occupied her mind and her nights.

_ONE YEAR AGO_

_She ran through the hospital. Relena was out of breath when she reached the intensive care. With her shaking legs she approached the two standing outside the room. When Hilde turned her face Relena saw that her eyes were shot red. She had been leaning against the white wall until Relena had appeared around the corned. Hilde had a look on her face that frightened Relena even more than that she already was. No, it couldn't be true. Hilde's eyes were lying. Her face, her features, and her body everything of hers was lying. _

_Relena swallowed when the turned her gaze on Trowa. The always so relaxed business man looked this time tensed, strained, and nervous. The looks on their faces were telling her the same thing. Relena took a step back from them. They were looking so sorrowful. She retreated another step while she kept holding their gazes. She brought slowly her limb arm up to wipe away the sweat on her forehead. _

_"No," she finally whispered when Hilde opened her mouth. _

_Hilde and Trowa glanced at each other. Relena let her gaze fall on the door of the intensive care for the first time since her arrival. The curtains were drawn; she couldn't see anything. _

_"I am sorry, Relena," suddenly Hilde whispered. Full of disbelief in her eyes Relena turned them at her friend. Relena shook violently her head. _

_"No, no, no! You're lying – you-" _

_"It's the truth, Relena," Trowa said. He inhaled deeply and caught her then gently by her shoulders, so she couldn't run away. "Your father, Relena – he's dead."_

Relena leaned back in her chair and stared at the white ceiling. Hilde sat still opposite the desk, watching her blonde friend.

"Relena, I know it has been difficult for you to recover, very difficult. You'd to run your dad's company all alone. You faced at lot of problems. But you handled everything perfectly without any experience. You're a tough girl Relena, but why are you hiding so many things from me?

"I didn't hide anything from you." Relena said and closed her eyes.

"You did Relena, you did. You didn't tell Trowa anything too. You never told us where you went that night when… Relena, please let it out, tell it us. It will be a burden off your heart. Or… don't you trust me?"

She heard the hurt tone in Hilde's voice. Relena opened her blue eyes and turned them to the woman in the dark blue dress. Her dark hair was laying loose on her shoulders and came till over her armpit. Her dress was sleeveless and low-necked. It had a square cut, a few pleats and it ended just above her knees. Hilde was looking very pretty in the little dress in comparison with herself.

Relena glanced outside the large window at the blue sky. Yet after looking so attractive and pretty Hilde didn't have a boyfriend. She always said that after her first and only heartbreak she didn't want another. Her last boyfriend, who she'd loved so madly had left her for another. That bastard.

Relena never mentioned his name for Hilde. He was still in the same city, though Hilde didn't want to meet him ever again. Relena noticed her thoughts were wondering off. She tried to concentrate at the woman sitting opposite her. Hilde had done so much for her. She didn't want her to keep worrying about her.

Relena leaned forward and grabbed her friend's hand. Surprised Hilde looked up from her lap and stared for a moment at Relena's hand covering her own one. Then she looked up to meet the gaze of her friend. Relena gave her friend a reassuring smile, at least she tried to.

"Hilde, I am absolutely fine. And don't ever talk – no, think that I am hiding something from you or that I don't trust you. And can you stop talking about burden and other things. You know I don't like lectures."

Hilde smiled softly. "Yes, I know."

Relena was sure now that she had convinced Hilde and she leaned back in her armchair. Hilde stared somewhere at a point over Relena's shoulder. "It must be difficult to hear those entire lectures so suddenly, isn't it? Especially when they are from your friends." her friend smiled back showing that she'd finally admitted defeat.

"Yeah, sure it is." Relena nodded and stared down at her desk when Hilde stared right in her eyes. With a weak smile on her lips the blond continued. "Seventeen years long I never had any lectures and then so suddenly," Relena swallowed against the lump in her throat; the smile never wavering. "I can't get used to it." She smirked and cast her eyes up again. "And you… do your parents still lecture you a lot?"

Hilde chuckled. "Of course they do, and a lot more than you can think. Always lecturing: No, not like that, where are your manners, don't be late at night…" Hilde sighed. "It's not always that fun to have parents."

Hilde could bit her tongue off. What was she just saying now? In addition to reassure Relena, she was hurting her by saying this. Though it didn't look like it had touched her or even that she'd heard her. Hilde saw the girl shuffling through her files. She was only acting…

"Oh Relena, I almost forgot to tell it you."

Relena looked up from her files she'd been looking in. No, she'd only been staring blankly at them. She hadn't been able to keep her attention to them. Casting her eyes up to the dark haired woman again she saw Hilde's eyes sparkling and wondered what Hilde wanted to tell her now. She was making Relena curious now by just smiling and remaining silent.

"What? You found a new prey?" Relena teased her. 'Love' wouldn't have been the right word for Hilde. Hilde shook her head still smiling and staring at her mysteriously.

"Well," she finally began. "There is tonight a gathering, sort of a party, and… you – are- invited." Hilde finished her sentence and winked.

With eyes full of disbelief Relena gazed at the woman sitting opposite her desk. Then slowly she leaned back in her armchair. "Oh no" she said in a whisper. "Oh no."

"O yes," Hilde smirked, glad Relena's attention wasn't anymore on their conversation they just had.

"Not again… a formal party,' Relena whined. Hilde nodded, still grinning. "When?"

"I just said, tonight."

Relena shook her head still staring at her friend without breaking eye contact. "Tell me you're lying."

"No," Hilde said; her grin grew now even wider. "Just guess who gave this party?"

Relena shook her head again sighing heavily. "I dun wan to guess." Hilde chuckled.

"Hmm, well… it is… Treize Khushrenada." Hilde saw Relena's eyes widen for a second, before she silently laid her head on the open files on her desk.

'She's really still a child,' Hilde smiled at her thought. "Come on, it's not that bad to go to his party tonight." Hilde heard Relena mumbling something. "Now don't say you won't go."

"I won't," Relena mumbled with her head down.

Hilde let out a sigh. "Don't behave like a child." Relena raised her head up from the desk.

"I am not a child. You know I don't like him." Hilde sighed and the firm press on her lips was enough to ensure that she wouldn't stop until she'd convinced the blond.

"Relena, business is business. Your father told it you too, didn't he? Then do this for him. You can meet a lot of businesspeople there. Show that Treize that you can do better business than him."

Hilde was sounding very sure, forcing Relena to think. She could go and make contacts in his own party.

"Um, well, OK, but I see no point in it." Looking up Relena saw the satisfied grin on Hilde's face. "You-" The ringing of the phone on her desk cut her abruptly off. It was Dorothy.

"Your appointment is here," Dorothy said. Her tone was full with hate. Relena tried to ignore it.

"O yes, send him in in five minutes. He is early. Oh and, who is it?" How stupid could she be to forget whom she was going to meet? Relena glanced at her files. In a shock she suddenly remembered again who it was. Shocked Relena stared at her friend.

'Shit.'

"Mr Winner," the voice at the other side said before disconnecting.

Silently the blond girl laid the phone back on the receiver. Hilde had picked up a file while Relena had been talking over the phone to her secretary. Relena noted that Hilde's hands were trembling with the file still in her hands. Blankly the dark haired woman stared at it. Her heartbreak wasn't healed yet. Just like her own ones, Relena thought sadly.

"Listen Hilde," before Relena could make any objections Hilde had laid the file back and was heading for the door. It would do Hilde so much pain to see him again. But it would hurt her the most that he was in her best friend's office. "Hilde, you can go from the back door. You won't have to see him," Relena tried to suggest.

"No, Relena."

"What?" Surprised Relena gazed at the back of Hilde's head.

"I dun want him to think I'm weak."

It was now that Relena realised the other woman wasn't trembling anymore. "Hilde…"

The dark haired woman turned her head to the blond one and smiled at her. "I'll be all right," with her voice full of confidence and a wink at her best friend, Hilde left Relena's cabin.

Relena just hoped her friend's old wounds wouldn't open again. She gazed at the picture of her dad that was placed on the left side of her desk.

'You've done so much for me, dad. How can I do something back for you?'

She wanted to do so much more… She could make the company better than it already was and teach that Khushrenada shit at lesson. He'd been the one who'd challenged her that she wouldn't be able to take care of the business. Till now she hadn't made any loss and had had good deals, but the profit of his company had still been higher than hers. She would show him what she could do. For sure.

She was drown in her own thoughts when she heard suddenly a knock on her door.

"Come in."

A blond man with bright blue eyes stepped in the room. He'd a broad smile on his face.

'False smile,' she thought hatefully. But business was business. Right? That was why Hilde wasn't angry with her, Relena knew that.

"Please, have a seat," Relena said politely and gesturing with to the chair opposite of her. He took the offer and sat down in the luxurious chair.

They almost talked for half an hour only about business. But suddenly, Relena hadn't the faintest idea how the topic landed on Hilde.

"She's still so pretty," he said dreamily. His head was resting in the palm of his hand. He was staring out of the window to the blue sky that was turning grey.

Relena looked up from the papers. She hadn't expected him to say that. At least not to her. He was still staring dreamily out the window. She could imagine that Hilde once loved this man. But he'd deceived her. Left her for another. She felt the anger in her flaring up again.

"You were the one who left." She answered coldly between her gritted teeth. She saw him gradually narrowing his eyes. The brightness in his eyes that she'd seen when he just mentioned Hilde's name was gone. What she was now seeing in his eyes when he gazed at her were… pain and regrets. She knew she'd to hate him because of what he'd done to Hilde. But she didn't know why she was feeling sorry. Maybe… could it be… that it hadn't been his fault. Maybe he had been forced. Maybe…

"Quatre," she was surprised by herself when she called him by his first name. He was looking surprised at her too. "Please, tell me about your fiancée… who is she?"

o0o

"Please, dad, help me please... please."

Relena bowed her head to see the tears on her dresser. "I try so hard to forget it, forgot _that_. Relena bit at her bottom lip until it began to bleed. Raising her head again she grasped the picture of her father from the dresser. "I feel so lonely – without you. Please come back dad, please…" It was a talk she had every evening, every day since…

"Hilde, Trowa… they are all so sweet and so nice to me. But why can't I tell them what's bothering me? Why?" With her tear stained face Relena stared at the snap of her handsome dad. "You always said to me to believe in myself. And never – never hide secrets from you own ones. Then why can't I?" Her question remained just like all the others had been, unanswered.

Relena took a deep breath before she glanced at the clock. Shit, Trowa could be here in five minutes. Looking in the mirror she stared at her face. She was looking awful; everyone could guess she'd been crying. Even a blind one. Trowa mustn't find out she'd been crying. More problems would come by that. Trowa…

Relena put the picture back on the dresser she had been holding for so long. She kept staring at it. A small smile appeared on her features. Thinking back about when she'd told her dad about Trowa and how much she liked him. In their first meeting already her father had approved of him and had made clear he'd no objections for them to marry. He'd loved Trowa. But both the men had known each other from so close so shortly…

Relena stared at her reflection. She'd in a hurry applied the make-up again where her tears had left their paths. The girl in the mirror was now smiling. It was all just a mask towards the world. Even towards the ones she loved. Looking more like a doll, with no emotions, Relena moved away from the mirror towards the window.

She thought she'd heard a car coming this way and stopping. Looking outside she just saw the one she'd been waiting for. Relena smiled and waved at the tall man standing next to his red BMW. No, more leaning against it. Trowa signed her he was coming in the house to take her. Relena smiled and walked back in the room to the couch.

Trowa had exactly known how to deal with her father. How to meet him, talk to him. Everything. A soft smile lit her face. He just knew how to deal with everyone, how to make them love you. Relena turned her eyes to the picture on her dresser placed next to her dad's one. Trowa knew exactly how to win someone's heart. No, more like to steal it. Just like he'd done with her in their first meeting and in their second one too. Relena leaned back in the couch, closed her eyes remembering how they'd met again.

_Relena was staring outside at the grey sky from where drops of water were falling. Softly ticking at the glass of her windows. It'd been two weeks ago after the party where she'd met him… And still she hadn't been able to forget him, especially his kiss. Relena closed her eyes, imagining his lips again on hers. So soft, so gentle, so sweet, so – _

_Her eyes flew open at the sound of footsteps. Relena turned to see Hilde entering her room holding a tray with two hot coffees and biscuits. Her friend smiled putting the tray on the small table placed between the two couches in the centre of the large room. _

_Hilde immediately started her chatting again. _

_"You know, Relena," Hilde took seat in the luxurious couch while Relena walked towards the other one to sit there. Hilde picked up her coffee and handed the other one to Relena. "You won't believe your ears what I'm now going to tell you." _

_Relena smiled. _

_"OK, Hilde, just tell it now and stop making me more curious." _

_The blond took a sip of her coffee while Hilde chuckled. _

_"Actually it's not news to laugh about, but for you it will be good news." Hilde winked. _

_Relena shook her head and grabbed a biscuit from the plate. Breaking it in two she gave one of the parts to Hilde. It was her habit to do it. Relena had always given the half biscuit to Hilde. Even when she would drink coffee with her dad. He always smiled then and there always appeared that look in his eyes. _

_Ok Relena, hold your breath." Relena rolled her eyes as answer. "You know Stella? Stella Jones? She was Trowa's fiancée." _

_'Fine for her and for him,' Relena thought bitterly. _

_"So what?" she said shrugging her shoulders like she didn't care it was about them. _

_"Well, I've heard that she died in an accident." _

_Relena's head was raised at once. Her eye brows were lowered and her mouth was almost hanging open. _

_"What!" _

_Hilde leaned back in her chair. "It's sad, but Stella died in a car accident two days ago. She was a very adorable, pretty girl." The sad look in Hilde's eyes changed when they met the light blue ones. "Is… isn't that good news for you? I'm really sorry about her, but you've your way free." _

_The dark haired girl smiled in satisfaction. Relena was still dumbfounded and had no idea what to say. After a long silence finally Hilde decided to break the silence. _

_"So, won't you go to Trowa to ash him how he is?" _

_o0o _

_"Miss Relena…!" Please come in, please." _

_The tall man gestured her to come in after recovering from the surprise to see the blonde standing outside his house. Relena smiled and followed him asking herself why she'd come here. _

_When they both were standing opposite each other on the benches, Relena saw him open his mouth. On his face was the question clearly readable: why are you here so suddenly? Before he could utter something the words rolled out her mouth. _

_"I'm sorry." _

_Relena bowed her head a little to make her hair locks fall in her eyes, hiding them from this man. She'd no idea for what she'd said sorry. About his fiancée dead or that night when she humiliated him? _

_Relena felt his eyes on her, but didn't look up. She was regretting for the thousandth time that on her way to Hilde she'd taken the turn to his villa. Without thinking she'd pressed the bell and had been speechless when he finally opened the door himself. _

_Now her heart was beating rapidly in her chest and she was cursing herself why on earth she'd come here. To him. The silence that fell after her words was unbearable. Finally Trowa broke the silence. _

_"Stella was a nice girl. A great person. But I don't know… I don't feel exactly that what I should feel after losing my fiancée." _

_By these surprising words Relena slowly lifted her head a little. Trowa's eyes were focused in a point somewhere at the right of her. It was more like he was talking to himself than to her. Asking himself if it could be right to feel this way. _

_"I never really loved her. Though, she didn't lack anything. She was pretty, sweet. Actually perfect." _

_Trowa sighed finally settling his gaze back on her. _

_"Do you think it's right I feel this way? I mean, of course I wouldn't want her to die, I never wished it for her, for no one I do. But… it doesn't feel like I lost someone who was very close to me. This is wrong to feel this way. Isn't it, Miss Relena?" _

_The blonde was staring at him, she knew what she should say, but as always his presence was making her lose her tongue. Especially when he bowed his head, his straight, brown hair covering his both eyes completely, and then suddenly she heard him laugh scornfully. Trowa finally looked up, looking again very serious and his eye brows lowered. _

_"But why am I discussing this with you?" _

_He shook his head, amazed over himself that he'd let himself go so far. Suddenly the tall man felt her hand on his. _

_Relena saw his eyes turn to her up again. The stare of his eyes at her was making her heart skip a beat. She'd no idea why she'd come here. Nor why she trusted him. But she knew at that moment one thing for sure: she loved him and wanted to know everything about him. She wanted to spend her life with him. Maybe it wasn't right for her at such a young age to have these determined plans with someone much older than you. _

_But she didn't care. Not then. _

_Relena smiled the most beautiful one she'd ever done, and let the words roll out of her mouth surprising even herself. _

_"Because I want to be close to you. I love you… Trowa." _

"Shall we go, princess?"

o0o

"Are you going to seduce all the people in the party?" teasingly her fiancé looked at her. Relena for a moment at him.

"Trowa… come on. You mean you don't like this dress?" Relena sighed and stared in the lap of her dress. It was a silk made, white dress that she was wearing with a low back and had two thin straps. The dress had a triangle cut just above her breasts and stopped shortly after her rear. It could be that he was right and she shouldn't have worn this, but she was as always stubborn and didn't admit that she was in a doubt now.

"You are really looking like a princess," he said with a smile. "The princess of this city – no, of this world," he winked.

She shook her head in disbelief while watching him smirk. He leaned forward, the smirk on his handsome face not wavering, and pecked softly her pink cheek.

"I only want to be your princess," she uttered. Trowa grinned at her remark. "Ok, now let's go before we'll be really late." He stepped out of his vehicle and hurried to open the other door for her.

"Thanks, that's like a real gentleman," Relena teased him and hooked her arm through his.

"I AM a gentleman, you know that."

Together they walked towards the entrance of the big hall where the party was taking place. Hilde was already enjoying the party. When she noted that Relena had arrived too, and the dark haired woman caught eye of her, she came immediately to Relena.

"Hey Relena! I was afraid you still wouldn't come. Why are so late?"

The two girls were chatting together or with people in the party, when Relena after a time caught a glimpse of Quatre.

"Uhm, Hilde… you know that… well, HE is here?" Relena tried to read the expressions of the pink dressed woman. Her face weren't showing any emotions, though she'd a hurt look in her eyes.

"I know, I dun care. He can fuck up." Relena frowned, not knowing what to say.

"Well, actually this morning he said he was regretting about what he'd done. He wants to talk to you, but you are always avoiding him… Ok then I'll tell him you've no interest in him anymore." Relena turned her face away, but peered at her friend from the corners of her eyes. Hilde was biting on her lower lip, but didn't say anything at first. She stared in the crowd.

"Relena I want to forget him. I don't care if he's regretting. I really don't. I am not going to look back. If you want to, you may tell him this."

Who was she trying to convince? Herself of Relena? Though the firm press on her lips was enough to make sure she wouldn't change her mind that quick. Relena smiled. Just what she'd thought.

"Hilde, I – "

"Hey Relena!" Suddenly a voice interrupted the blond.

Relena gazed at the braided man with the broad grin on his face. "Duo Maxwell! What a surprise to see you here," Relena smiled.

She wasn't in this party to make enemies. So she'd do her best.

"Same here." Duo caught eye of the dark haired woman standing next to Relena. "Who's this beauty here?" For the first time the blonde noticed that he sounded quite drunk.

"Uhm, this is my friend Hilde and – "

"Let me introduce me myself," Duo interrupted and straightened his shoulders even more than they were already.

Hilde was looking quite impressed of the braided man in the black suit. Relena hadn't first seen through, but now she realised Hilde was actually flirting with Duo. Feeling a bit awkward now, Relena decided to stand at a distance from the two, leaving them alone for a while.

Relena watched them with a small knit between her eye brows. It'd been a year or two since Quatre had left her friend. Since then Hilde had never tried to get off with someone. Relena felt surprised with the sudden change of the heart broken girl. Suddenly it got through her mind why Hilde was doing this.

If it was true. If it could be true…

Her eyes wandered in the bright lighted hall searchingly over the people's faces. Looking for the one. Her lips curled up when she found the one her eyes had been searching for.

Quatre was standing near the bar with a glass whisky in his hand. He gulped the drink down and at once he took another glass. His eyes where shooting fire in the direction of… Relena turned her eyes at where Quatre was glancing. In the direction of Hilde and Duo.

So this was what Hilde had been up to. This was all just to make him jealous.

Relena smirked at her friend though Hilde wasn't looking at her. She was laughing loudly with Duo and patted him sometimes on his shoulders. It looked like the braided man was enjoying her company too.

Seeing the two Relena realised she'd been standing alone all the time and _her_ partner wasn't here with her.

'Where could Trowa be? It looks like he just disappeared when I was talking with Hilde.'

Relena glanced round in the room when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. It was a heavy hand. It could never be of a woman and nor of Trowa's. The blonde turned around to see who was behind her. She was horrified when she found out who it was. He was just not the company she had been waiting for.

The tall man with the brown hair and light blue eyes was smiling. No smirking, grinning. Meanly…

"Miss Relena, I'd invited you but not expected you to come here at my party. Though I am very happy so see you here. It made the room brighten even more."

'I shouldn't have come, you know.'

"Did you say something, Miss Relena?"

'Damn you.'

"O, no no Mr Khushrenada," Relena managed finally to say between her gritted teeth. "You had invited me so _kindly_, why wouldn't I come?" She shivered when his eyes glided over her body.

"You're looking very pretty," he mumbled.

'And you're looking tooooooo drunk. Over-drunk.' Relena thought hatefully and glanced at her right. She'd never liked him, or her father.

"Why won't you have a drink," he offered her. Suddenly she saw he was holding a glass in his large hand towards her.

"No, no, thank you. I've already had one," she lied, reclining his offer.

"Only one? I insist on two."

'I wish I could kill you right here.'

She felt quite dizzy when she'd gulped the drink down. She was wobbling on her legs. If Treize wouldn't have helped her, she would have fallen for sure. With one arm around her small waist he brought the other to his mouth to gulp his drink quickly down.

"You are not feeling well, Relena. Let me take you to my room. I'll give you a glass water. You'll feel much better."

Relena tried to struggle free out of his arms. But he was holding her firmly at her waist and she was feeling to dizzy and thirsty.

He led her out of the room, towards the flight of stairs that went upstairs, to his room. He was very close to her and she was surrounded by his sent. She smelled it in even not wanting it.

'He smells awful… What am I doing here?'

But it was already too late to realise where she was. Her head was hammering dangerously, making it unable for her to think clearly. Treize made her sit on his king size bed and hurried to lock the door. Relena noticed finally what he was doing and stood up at once only to wobble on her legs again. She pressed her fingers against her temples because of the sudden moment her head had been aching even more. Ignoring the pain she began to yell at him.

"Treize! What the hell do you think you're doing!" He smirked only slyly, moving towards her.

Shit, shit, shit. There had been something in that drink. He kept approaching her. Treize took out his brown coat and began to unbutton his shirt.

"You know Relena how long I've been yearning for this. For the first time I saw you – "

"Stop this shit talk and let me out of here!" she cried.

She was feeling afraid of him now, she could do nothing to defend herself in this stage. Relena saw with horror the lust in his eyes and felt her legs tremble again. She couldn't think anymore. That damn drink.

Meanwhile he'd unbuttoned his white shirt, took it out and threw it at the floor exposing his bare chest to her. He stood for the defendless girl and made her drop on his bed before she could make any other move. Her brains really weren't working anymore.

"Please... don't..." she whispered but wasn't able to say anything more than that.

Her heart was pounding dangerously in her throat and she couldn't breathe anymore when he loosened his trousers

"Don't I have more muscles than Trowa? Hmm?" he smirked and parted her trembling legs.

She tried to move away from him, but he was holding her tightly at her legs and took off her panties.

"Treize!" she cried. "Please, stop."

"Come on Relena, it's not that bad. I promise I'll make you enjoy it."

"Fuck you!" she yelled when he touched the inner part of her thigh that was very close to her crotch. Again Relena tried helplessly to get away from his hands, from him.

"Relena," he threatened. He was panting heavily. "I wish I could've done it in another way." He grabbed at her legs and pulled her down again this time kneeling on the bed between her legs. "But you've left me no other choice," he peered angrily at her.

Treize held her hands hostage with one hand while with the other he opened his trousers. In horror Relena stared at him. Noting her eyes on his face he grinned. Treize kept tugging impatiently at the wrist of her right hand until he made it touch his manly organ. Feeling his swollen arousal Relena cried it out and begged him again helplessly to let her go. But of course it was of no use.

The man with sweat covering his face positioned his body between her trembling legs.

She fought him again, though it wouldn't help her, he would torture her even more.

Relena felt how the tears kept running down her temples. This would be it then...

'Father... Trowa...'


	4. First murder

**Past mistakes**

**Warning:** the rape continues here, skip the first line, if you don't want to read it...

Rate: T, may change in next chapters.

**Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing**

**Chapter four - First murder **

"Come on, sweetie, it will be fun." Treize touched his goal with the top of his fingers, making her cry in pain and powerlessness.

"Please, Treize, don't do this to me," she begged him. He sat a bit up and stared at her. Maybe he was thinking, maybe, maybe. "Please, stop..."

But his lips curled up into a mean smile. "No, no, I won't let this opportunity go."

She tried again to release herself from him, but he blocked every attack coming from her. Her coordination wasn't good anymore due to the drink giving him the upper hand.

"Behave yourself a bit, Miss," he threatened when he was fed up with her attacks. "The consequences could be worser."

While he was busy pulling her dress up, Relena stared at the ceiling. Sweat was gleaming all over her body and face.

She'd lost.

She was lost.

Relena closed her eyes and felt how fresh; hot tears fell down her temples again. She'd never imagined that her first one - no, that actually no one beside Trowa she would sleep with. And now... She began to cry hysterically, catching him off guard.

"Quiet, bitch," he shouted angrily at her.

Suddenly they heard a loud crack. Before Treize could even react of the sound, he was pulled off from the helpless girl lying under him. Relena was at first too shocked to do anything. She was half conscious of the fact that she was hearing noises of someone being beated up. By the growls of pain she could vaguely conclude that it was Treize who was being beated up by someone. Her headache was worsening every second.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Relena saw a hand being stretched out to her. When she finally recognised the ring on the finger, Relena grabbed the hand immediately.

Trowa helped her standing up. He glared at Treize while he had his arm around Relena's waist. Relena was still shaking violently and stared blankly down at the man who was sitting in the corner of the room and was still growling in pain.

"Everything is fine, princess. Don't worry," Trowa whispered reassuring her. Softly he stroked her hair. She just nodded though his words never reached her brains.

"And you," Trowa raised his voice, turning his head again in the direction of the other man. "Stay away from her, if you want to live. Got that!" he threatened to the crouched man.

Relena was in a daze and didn't even notice that they were in the big hall again. Fortunaly no one paid attention to them. Still with his arm around her waist they walked towards the exit. They were about to exit the room when they heard a loud voice that stopped them. Relena's heart was beating rapidly in her chest. Slowly she raised her head to look up to her fiancée. He was glaring at the tall man standing opposite them at the other side of the room.

Treize stumbled in the room towards the couple. Anger was flowing out of his eyes. Just like Trowa's eyes. The people in the party were all shocked to see the Treize Khushrenada in this state.

Relena felt how Trowa tightened his grip around her waist. Now that she'd recovered a bit from the shock, she saw in what state Treize really was.

He'd put his white shirt on again. Probably to hide the bruises that Trowa must've made. His hair was unruly and completely a mess. He'd a black eye and blood was dripping down from the corner of his mouth. Treize had also a few scratches on his face and on his large hands. You would know at once that there had been something gone terribly wrong. And simply said: he was looking horrible.

"Do not think you'll get away with this." His voice rasped.

Relena was looking in horror at him.

"I see, you didn't have enough." Trowa sighed. He began to put his sleeves up. He took a step towards Treize and wanted to take another one when his fiancée suddenly stopped him. Relena laid her hand on his arm. Surprised Trowa turned his head back to her.

"Relena…" Her face was still pale and she was staring at Treize. Trowa had no idea what was going on in her mind. "Please Trowa, let's go…" she pleaded him.

He blinked. "Relena… this man here almost – "

"Please," she whispered. She was near to crying again. "Let's go."

Trowa sighed. "Ok," and turned his head to the man he'd just beaten up. "You've luck, bastard, but next time, I won't spare you."

All the people in the party gasped but didn't dare to say anything. Relena tugged softly at his muscular arm. He flung his arm round her shoulders and continued walking back to the exit.

"I will kill you," a voice suddenly said.

Relena felt herself stiffen. She stopped walking.

"I will kill you," Treize threatened again, his voice rising even more. "I will kill you, Barton."

"We'll see about that." Trowa said coldly without looking back. He forced Relena to walk further.

'I'll kill you… I'll kill you… I'll kill you…'

His words were the entire time spinning round in her head. Trowa opened the door of his car and made her sit in it. He hurried to the other side and stepped in the car too. Quickly he drove away from the party. They didn't talk to whole ride.

Relena stared out the window. What just had happened… it was like a dream, no. Like a nightmare. Now she was having even nightmares with her eyes open. Relena felt herself shiver again when she remembered the threat Treize had given to Trowa. And that damn head of hers was aching like hell…

Trowa's eyes were mainly aimed at the road, but he glanced from time to time at the silent girl sitting next to him. She was still in a shock. It must've been horrible for her. Almost getting ra- He swallowed and tightened his grip on the steer. He'll teach that bastard Treize a lesson. A lesson he would never forget. Not now, but he'll for sure.

Relena didn't even realize when they arrived at her house. She wasn't even aware that the car had been stopped.

Trowa got out of his car to help Relena out. He walked over to the other side and by opening the door he saw her sitting. She was still staring. Her head tilted and her eye lids half closed. Trowa felt a strange heat in his eyes when he found her sitting like this. She'd been only like this when…

He pushed his thoughts far away and grabbed her hand. Then like she'd just woken up, Relena looked up. It was like he couldn't breathe anymore. She was crying. Her lower lip was trembling. Tears were slowly sliding down her cheeks. And her eyes…

Trowa helped her out of the car. And hugged her. He felt like he would squeeze all the breath out of her. So tightly he pressed her body against his. He heard her gasp softly. Her body was stiff at first but slowly it relaxed in his arms. He pulled away a little to look in her eyes. She looked at bit calm now, to his relief. He stroke the blond locks out of her face. Relena looked up to him. Her eyes… there was so much pain in it… so much that he couldn't bare it anymore to look straight in her eye. And there was more. There had been something more in her beautiful, innocent, blue eyes.

Fear.

Trowa frowned. For what would she be afraid now? He'd saved her, beaten up that man. He was now with her… What would she be afraid at this moment?

"Relena," Trowa saw how fresh tears escaped her eyes. Quickly he brushed them away. "Everything will be all right," he assured her. "Everything." Trowa saw her lower lip tremble again. "Relena…"

Silently she laid her head on his shoulder. The warm breeze of the spring blew through their hair.

"He… he threatened to kill you…" he could make out from the whisper.

So this was what was occupying her mind all the time. He could imagine that she was worried. She'd lost so much already in her life…

"Nothing will happen to me," he made her lift her head up with his hand demanding her to look in his green eyes. "He can do nothing. He's a coward. He can only bark, he can't bite." He gave her again a reassuring smile. Trowa noted that there was still some doubt in her eyes. Relena glanced away. He sighed. How had he to convince her?

Gently he cupped her face in his hands. His voice was full of determination. "Don't worry about me, princess. I can care very well for myself. And about you too. You saw how impotent he was against me? Nothing will happen to me. I promise."

He promised rarely. Everyone believed his words, most people knew that they could rely on him. So there had been no point in promising often. It made the one unreliable too. Trowa made only promises if there was no other way to convince the people. And sometimes too when he wanted to believe that he was able to do it. To make it come true.

Relena laid silently her head again on his shoulder. Trowa shook his head slightly. What was wrong with her? Suddenly he heard a gentle whirr. Trowa sighed when he remembered finally that Relena had been dizzy and had been wobbling all the time. That bastard Treize must've mixed something for sure in her glass.

Slowly he began to walk towards the big house. Careful enough to wake her up. The old trustable servant Paygan was already standing in the doorway. Trowa saw the old man panic by seeing Relena leaning against Trowa with her eyes fully closed now.

"What's wrong with Mi-" His voice was full of worries.

"Nothing, Paygan. She's just… tired. I'll bring her to her room."

He passed the old man after trying to reassure him that his mistress was fine. Trowa saw that the older man still wasn't fully convinced, but Paygan only nodded his head and closed the door behind the couple.

It was difficult to carry her up the flight of stairs to her room. Not that Trowa found her heavy. She wasn't helping him what made everything more and more difficult. With great difficulty he managed to get to her room without slipping and falling from the stairs.

Cautiously Trowa laid her on her king size bed. Watching her peaceful face now that she was asleep, he remembered Treize again. And all the events earlier in the evening. Trowa closed his eyes trying to control his raising anger. What would've happened if he had been too late? Already knowing the answer he opened his eyes again.

'She would never be able to live with that… too…'

"I won't let you get hurt," Trowa whispered to her sleeping form while he was sitting next to her on the edge of the bed. He stroke a few strands of her blonde, silky hair out of her face.

"Not again, my princess."

o0o

"What the hell is THIS!"

Disturbed from her papers Relena looked up. Her 'dear' secretary was glaring at her. She was looking quite angry. When Relena saw the newspaper in Dorothy's hand she knew at once why. Relena suppressed a sigh. She leaned back in her luxurious arm chair still staring at her furious secretary. She decided to act like she was unaware of what was written in the paper.

"Where's the fire, Dorothy? Relax, what's wrong? Why are you yelling this early in the morning?" Relena was afraid her secretary would explode of anger.

"Why I am yelling!" her secretary shouted back. "Because of this!" she held the news paper at Relena's eye level. "This is why I am yelling this early in the morning."

Dorothy threw the paper on Relena's desk. It landed on the papers Relena had been studying. Relena glanced at the paper then looked back at her in black dressed secretary. She leaned forward in her chair to look in the today's newspaper after seeing the glaring eyes of Dorothy.

"So, you do read the newspaper, Dorothy. You've surprised me, I must say," she said while studying the newspaper.

Her secretary had already found the right page. Relena smiled after reading the advertisement again. She had no idea why she was feeling so happy at seeing her secretary being so upset.

"How dare you to ask for a new secretary while I'm still here! I didn't resign. Nor have you discharged me. So what's the point of this."

Dorothy eyed at the newspaper that was still lying still untouched on her boss' desk then she peered angrily at Relena again.

"Well, Dorothy… you want to hear the truth?" Her voice was still calm while she stared at the standing woman. Then she snapped. "You know what Dorothy? I'm sick of your behaviour. Always seeing those cold eyes of yours… hearing your cold, emotionless words. Don't you think it's quite logical I'll look for a new secretary."

Relena felt how her anger calmed down again slightly after overpowering her. Dorothy was looking unnerved by this statement but recovered quickly.

"Yet you've no reason to fire me. You can't fire me without a good reason." By smiling satisfied Dorothy thought she'd won this battle, but by seeing the smile on Relena's face, her own one disappeared.

"Actually, my dear Dorothy, I've plenty of reasons to fire you. And GOOD reasons. I've noticed that someone is withdrawing money from my bank account for a very long time."

Relena saw the other woman swallow. Dorothy stared terrified at the other woman sitting behind the desk. "And only to days ago I found out who it was. It was… YOU! Yes Dorothy, it was you. And I've enough evidence to proof that it was you."

Relena saw how dangerously the woman was trembling. Her forehead was full of sweat. Somehow Relena felt mercy for her. Leaning back in her chair while watching her trembling secretary, she spoke again in a reassuring voice.

"Don't worry Dorothy, I won't give you to the police," she saw the surprised look in Dorothy's eyes. "Well, I won't hand you over, but only for the sake of this company. It may ruin its name, Dorothy. So don't think I'm having pity on you."

When her secretary was satisfied that she won't be given to the police, she turned to her old self and snarled.

"Don't think Relena I'll stay here for a minute! I'm resigning now!"

"Well, as you wish Dorothy."

Her secretary exited the room, shutting the door loudly, heading to her own cabin. At least for one minute more. Relena sighed and shook her head after Dorothy had left.

"Some people never change," she thought aloud.

"Are you talking about Dorothy?"

Relena looked surprised up to see her fiancé standing in the doorway.

"Hmm." She was in no mood to talk about her with Trowa. Relena saw her fiancé approaching her.

"I heard your conversation," he said while he pulled out a chair to sit. Relena lowered her eye brows.

"How dare you, Trowa, to listen to other people's conversations," she said though she wasn't meaning a word of it.

Relena was already happy she didn't have to explain him anything, since he already knew everything about her. And she was happy that he was now here with her, keeping her company. He smiled a bit, but then made his face look serious again.

"You'll have a problem if she will leave now, won't you?"

Relena sighed, knowing it was the truth. He knew her problem. He knew her damn too good.

"Yeah."

"And you can't stop her."

"… No, I won't stop her. I know it'll be useless. And she will get too cocky too," she explained. She saw him think

"You won't be able to find a good secretary that soon."

"I actually hadn't expected that she would read it so soon," Relena admitted.

"Hmm, but now it is a problem. Maybe… maybe I can help."

Relena knit her eye brows hearing Trowa's words. She stroke her blonde hair out of her face in confusion.

"How – how do you think you can help me?" As an answer Trowa smirked.

"I can ask her to stay a few days until you've a new secretary."

"Do you think she will listen?" Relena asked him hopefully.

"Of course she'll. I am going to talk to her. You stay here."

"No, I'll go too." Relena insisted. She didn't like the idea very much of him talking alone with her secretary. She saw her fiancé lower on of his thin eye brows.

"Well, okay then. She's after all your secretary."

Relena laughed.

"Actually I wish she wasn't."

"Come on, she can't be that bad.

Five minutes later they reached Dorothy's cabin. Dorothy stood up at once when they entered the cabin she had been sitting.

"Here," she said shortly and wanted to hand over the resignation letter to Relena. But Trowa seized it from Dorothy's hand. Relena's ex-secretary looked in surprise up to Trowa. He smiled and spoke.

"You don't have to resign, Dorothy. Not yet." His voice was warm and the look in his eyes soft. Relena knew one thing for sure: she didn't like the way he spoke and looked at Dorothy. But well, he was helping her...

"But… b – but," Dorothy stuttered.

"Please stay here for a few days more."

Relena thought Trowa was trying to hypnotize her 'sweet' ex-secretary. But she knew better. Dorothy had a big crush on her fiancé ever since she'd met him. Trowa could be right that he is able to convince Dorothy to stay, though Relena didn't want her to stay. But she'd no other choice for the moment. She couldn't wait that long for a good secretary.

Trowa and his fiancée saw the other woman think.

"But – but I'm no use anymore. Than why…?"

Trowa laid silently his hand on Dorothy's one. She stared for a long moment at his hand covering her own one.

"Please," he pleaded her. "Just a few more days. Not more."

Dorothy closed her eyes and nodded her head in agreement.

Relena took a relieved breath. Trowa retreated his hand slowly. Then he took a step back from the desk to Relena again. However when Dorothy opened her eyes and looked up to Relena, her eyes were as cold as ever. Relena felt herself shiver again. Shit, it'd been maybe a very very bad idea.

"Come little princess, we'll have some lunch outside."

Why did Dorothy hate her so much? Only because of Trowa?

o0o

"I think I was much better off without her," Relena saw how Trowa raised his head up from his lunch to look at her, but she avoided his gaze. Relena stared instead at her lunch. She wasn't feeling hungry anymore. From the corners of her eyes she saw Trowa shoving his food aside. Surprisingly he took her hands in his own ones.

"Relena, it's just a matter of a few days. Try to bear it with her. You've worked already one year together. Just a few days more, okay?"

Relena looked up and smiled. Could she say no? "Thanks Trowa."

Trowa lowered questioning one eye brow. "For what, my princess?"

"For everything."

o0o

_SIX YEARS BACK _

_"Relena, where is your mother?" _

_The twelve years old girl looked up from her books. Looking at her angry father who was staring at her full with impatience, she mumbled. _

_"I don't know." _

_"What!" he shouted. "Is she not at home?" he glanced quickly around, she'd no idea what he was searching for. _

_"I don't know," Relena murmured again. _

_"What do you know than? You…" He swallowed his words back when he saw the little girl flinch. Her father sighed trying to get hold of his anger. "I have no idea where your mother is hanging around, but…" He was talking more to himself than to her. "Tell her when she shows up, I won't be back for tomorrow evening. In the morning I'll go straight to my office." He turned and was about to exit the large living room when he suddenly stopped in the doorway. _

_"Paygan!" he called. "Take care of Relena!" I don't know where that irresponsible woman is," he added in the end mumbling. _

_When her dad left Relena bent over her math books again. She tried to concentrate on the words on the papers, but she wasn't able to read them; she'd lost her concentration. Her thoughts wandered off. Relena glanced at the big wooden clock. 01.40 AM. Where was her father going at this hour? From his clothes she'd already concluded that he wasn't going to meet businesslike people… neither formal friends. _

_Relena could still smell the strong scent of his perfume in the room. He had been wearing a white trouser with a vivid black coloured shirt, like he was going out with – with his girlfriend. _

_The little girl raised her head up to look at the picture hanging opposite her. In the pic her father was smiling at her. He was a tall man with broad shoulders. His brown eyes were twinkling. He'd dark brown, curly hair and a very handsome face. How old was her dad actually now? He looked so young in the picture. He didn't look much older now. The photo had been taken two years ago. Relena's eyes went to her mother and then to the girl between the man and the woman. _

_'I.' _

_They looked like a happy family from outside, but inside…Relena stared at her young father again. _

_'Why did you marry each other if you can't live together?' she asked silently. _

_Her father was only 34 now. They'd marry just too quickly. And now…now she'd to bear everything, she was the victim of their faults. Relena looked up with tears in her eyes when Pagan entered the room. He glanced at her unfinished homework. _

_"Miss Relena, it's very late. Why don't you go to sleep?" _

_There was someone who cared about her after all. Pagan helped her to clear up the books. Suddenly Relena stopped and stared at him. He was busy piling up her books. It had gone through her that he didn't care about her. No, he wouldn't. She was only his job. Nothing more, nothing less, right? Did really no one care about her? _

_"Good night, Miss Relena," Pagan switched the lights off. _

_Relena was lying in her large bed staring at the white ceiling. He was near the exit of her bedroom when she suddenly called him. He turned to her. _

_"Pagan… does no one loves me?" Relena whispered in the dark. _

_A tear escaped from her eye and slid down her temple._

The sweat was covering her body and face again. Relena sat up in her bed, panting heavily. Why… why won't it stop following her? She closed her eyes trying to catch her breath again. It was so hot…

Relena pushed her blankets away. When she regained to normal breathing again, she finally realized the phone was ringing. The phone could've waken her. Relena flung her legs over the bed side and picked the receiver up. There was a heavy breathing on the other side to be heard.

"Hello?"

"Relena… o, finally you picked up. I – I…"

"Hilde, it's three o'clock in the morning. What ar-" She was interrupted by the dark haired woman again.

"Relena, I've no time for an explanation. Listen up, Relena, this is really shocking." Hilde paused making Relena even more anxious than she already was of Hilde's tensed voice. "Dorothy – Relena, Dorothy is murdered. She is dead, Relena… Dead."


	5. Painful memories

**Thanx to everyone who's reading my story! Please keep reading it and reviewing! I promise how more reviews all the sooner I'll update. And please wish me luck as in the coming week I have every day two tests. I'm gonna be dead**

**Anyway, enjoy this chapter, and I promise Heero will soon appear in the show!  
**

**Love,**

**Sery

* * *

Past Mistakes **

Rate: M

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing

Past Mistakes 

**Chapter five – Painful Memories **

"_Dorothy – Relena, Dorothy is murdered. She is dead, Relena… Dead."_

Hilde's words were still spinning in Relena's mind. The news had been so shocking – so unexpected. She may not like Dorothy, but she'd never wished for her to get… murdered. But why… why would someone murder her? As far as Relena knew Dorothy lived alone. She'd no contacts with her family anymore since her parents died in an accident and she'd no siblings. Nor had she a boyfriend as far as Relena knew. Why would someone kill her?

Relena sighed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She looked out the window to the big building where Dorothy's apartment was. Around the flat were many police cars and there was a crowd of people standing there. Relena glanced at her watch before she got out the car.

3.30 AM

She'd no idea how she'd managed to drive the car by herself over to here. She breathed the fresh air deeply in. Slowly she started to walk over to the flat. She worked her way through the crowd with both her elbows. No one was paying attention to her. She was able to get to the entrance, but a policeman finally stopped her.

"Do you live here?" he asked her curtly.

He was a short; fat man, round his fifties. He had a very bad breath and was peering angrily at Relena.

"No," she snapped back.

Relena tried to enter the building, but the man stopped her again.

"Then you are not allowed to go inside, miss. There has been a murder, so you can't enter the buil-"

"I was her employer. She worked in my office!" Relena saw the fat man blink now.

"Miss Relena Darlian?" he asked her stuttering.

Relena sighed when he finally had recognised her. She nodded and started to enter the flat. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all to be the richest girl in town. At least not always. Relena heard him mumble sorry and it was his duty to prevent for her entering the flat and… and… He was regretting how he'd behaved. Relena felt she couldn't walk away just like this. The palm of her hand was placed flat against the cold material of the front door. She gave him a reassuring smile while she pushed the door open with her right hand. She didn't wait for his reaction, but she knew he'd go back home relieved. Sometimes just a single smile could do wonders.

Relena headed to the elevators and pushed the button to the fourth floor. When the elevator began to move she noted that her hands were trembling. Her heartbeat was increasing every second. She'd a tight feeling in her chest. Oh, what was wrong with her? She tried to reassure herself it was only because of lack of sleep. Thought she knew too well it wasn't that. She took a deep breath before she stepped out of the elevator after it had stopped on the fourth floor.

There were many people in the small hall. Cops, agents, men in white clothes…

They looked all very busy and were talking loudly. Not caring it wasn't even four AM in the morning. There were taken photographs. Some were searching probably for fingerprints and others were just talking. They all were looking very stressed and lacked most likely sleep too. No one was really paying attention to her.

Relena felt a bit awkward and herself why she'd come here in the first place; even when Hilde had forced – more over – begged her for not coming here. Suddenly she heard someone call out her name. Relena looked up and saw a woman in blue trousers and a white top approaching her. It was Hilde.

"Relena… why…? I told you not to come. What – why have you come here?" Relena avoided her questions.

"Where is Trowa?" she asked. Hilde glanced around as if searching for someone, or maybe for Trowa.

"I dunno, Relena. I tried to contact him, but his cell phone is off. No one is picking up at home too."

Relena glanced at the mobile phone in Hilde's left hand.

'What am I doing here,' Relena thought. 'Am I feeling sorry for Dorothy who would've loved it to ruin my wedding and always enjoyed it to spoil my mood in the morning? Why am I feeling like this – hell…?'

"Relena…"

"Hmm?" Relena looked up from her thoughts to Hilde. Hilde's face was full with worries.

"You go better home," she said while glancing back over her shoulder. Relena knit her eye brows.

"Why?"

"Don't be so stubborn, Relena! Just go home!" the dark haired woman was near yelling.

"Why are you so upset? I've come here so –"

"Why DID you come here when I told you not to?" Hilde sighed. She shook her head before she looked again at the blonde girl. "You won't be able to see the sight."  
"I want to know, Hil-"

"You will regret it…"

'I'm already regretting so much, Hilde.'

"Do you think they'll let me in in her apartment?"

Relena looked over the woman to the entrance where people were going in and out. And they didn't look like just ordinary people.

"You can get a look from outside the door Relena… but the sight, it's horrible. You won't be able to bear it." She tried again to convince the girl dressed in a long red coat that reached her knees. Underneath it she was only wearing her thin nightgown.

Relena's face was pale, yet she didn't give up.

"No, Hilde. I came here to know more about who killed her… why… how… She was my secretary, she hated me, and still, I know I want to know everything about her case. And if it is possible, even help the police."

'What am I saying?' Relena was surprised by herself of what she just had said. But she wouldn't take her words back. Hilde was staring at the blonde girl. Still thinking… She knew she wouldn't be able to stop Relena.

"Okay, Relena, but don't forget I didn't warn you."

Relena's heart was pumping dangerously in her throat. She was lacking fresh air. They were nearing the door of Dorothy's apartment.

"Hold your breath," she heard Hilde whisper next to her ear when they reached the door.

Relena tried to swallow, but wasn't able to anymore. The sight made her blood curdle in their veins. Hilde squeezed a little at Relena's arm, but Relena didn't felt it. Not anymore.

Relena's eyes were seeing her secretary lying in the centre of what had to be her living room. Dorothy's eyes were still open; her face was pale, though it couldn't have been paler than Relena's face. Dorothy's face was turned towards the door opening where Relena was standing now. She didn't move at all. She was lying there still in shock.

Relena felt her legs quaver. She tried to find support from the wall, but before she could her legs gave out.

She fell on her knees and remained sitting there in the doorway. Still staring at the body of the dead woman. Hilde laid gently and anxiously her hand on Relena's shoulder, though the girl wasn't aware of it.

There had been a bullet fired through Dorothy's forehead. And she was lying… her head was lying in a pool of… blood. Relena's head was spinning now. She couldn't bear to see it anymore. She tried to turn her head, but failed. Her body wasn't listening to her anymore.

Blood… only blood. It was the only thing she was able to see…to think. Relena closed her eyes not wanting to see the horrible sight any longer. Not wanting to think about it again. Not wanting to see it again.

Blood…

pistol…

trigger…

mother…

Relena didn't realise when she fainted and landed in her nightmares again.

_Relena was just ready with her homework when her mother rushed in the room. The thirteen years old girl looked up at her mother. Her mother was opening and closing drawers of the cupboards in the room. She was probably searching for something. And she seemed to be in a hurry. _

_"Mum, can I…" _

_Her mother's head snapped up. A few blonde lock fell into her face. She'd sunken cheeks and dark pouches under her eyes, though she had tried hardly to cover them with make-up. Without saying anything her mother left the room. Just as suddenly as she had come. _

_"… help you," _

_Relena finally completed her sentence after her mom had left the room. She was now alone in the study again. Alone with only books to keep her company. Relena felt tears burning behind her eyes. Her parents had always been avoiding her. Always she had been left behind with Pagan. No one who cared a little about her. There was really no one. She'd only one friend. She smiled when she thought of her. _

_Hilde. _

_They were really good friends. But friends couldn't be with you all the time. One friend wasn't enough. Only friends weren't just enough. _

_Relena heard her mother going up the stairs. Why did they behave like this to her? Weren't they her real parents? It could've been that her real parents had been poor and had her sold to them. Or…?  
Relena got out the room. She stared long at the stairs. Thinking about nothing. She heard a door being slammed shut somewhere above her. That was her parents' bedroom. Relena didn't know why, but she started to walk up the stairs to the been shut door. _

_She took a deep breath before she knocked on the closed door. She didn't know why she wanted to go to her mother. She didn't know what she would do or say. _

_Relena tried to listen if there moved anything after she had knocked, but it remained silent on the other side of the door. Relena knocked again. Twice. And this time harder. When she still didn't hear any sound she decided to try to open the door and go inside. _

_Slowly and with little noise she opened the heavy, wooden door. The door cracked and swung then finally open. Relena gulped some air down before she stepped in the room. At once she was her mother. She was standing near the window, staring outside at the grey sky. Relena shuffled towards her mother. What was she doing here alone? Her mother was standing with her back towards the smaller girl. Relena didn't know why but she felt how shivers ran down her spine. Her mother was just too silent. She had been always yelling and loudly talking when she would be at home. Relena didn't like her silence, although in some times she would've been yearning for it. _

_"Mum…" _

_Suddenly the woman turned towards the little girl. Relena stopped approaching her mother. Shocked she stared at the woman in the black dress. She was holding a gun in her right hand. Relena couldn't get enough air inside. Her breathing got uneven and her hands were in no time covered with sweat. _

_"Mum, what…?" _

_Relena wanted to take a step back, but wasn't able to move her limbs anymore. The look in her mother's eyes was empty, hollow. Slowly the woman raised her arm. She let the gun rest at her temple. _

_Relena wanted to cry, she wanted to run to her mother, wanted to stop her desperately. However her mother was she was her mother. _

_But motionless Relena just stared at her mother. Her mother was staring blankly back at her, like she was somewhere else, as if she wasn't seeing the small girl. Then gradually her mother closed her eyes. Her face was emotionless. She wasn't looking afraid, was fearing nothing. _

_Relena hear herself gasp when her mother pulled the trigger. _

**_At the same time downstairs _**

_"Pagan, where is…" _

_Relena's dad stopped his talking immediately when he and the butler heard a loud shot. _

_"Oh… no…" _

_Her father's eyes widened recognizing the terrible sound. He stared at Pagan for one second in horror before he came in action and ran out of the kitchen. He raced upstairs with Pagan following him at his heels. Out of breath he reached the largest bedroom of the villa. Shocked he stood there for a moment in the doorway. _

_Relena was still standing there, not moving a muscle. Her mouth was still open and her eyes were fixed on the woman who was dead now. She hadn't realised when her father had appeared in the room. She was staring blankly at the heap lying on the ground next to the king sized bed. Her head was lying in a pool of blood. Her tin body immovable behind it. _

_Relena felt how her legs suddenly gave out. She collapsed at the floor though never breaking eye contact with the dead body who had been her mother once. Her father was too horrified to do anything but stare at the woman who he'd loved so much at a time. He'd known all along that this would happen some day. But like this… _

_He tore his eyes away from the blonde woman to look at his daughter. In their fight, their battle they both had done injustice to their daughter. And what his wife had done now… in front of Relena… _

_He wondered if Relena would ever be able to come over the shock. She hadn't cried yet, was still quiet and had only been staring at the immobile body of her mother. He couldn't bear it anymore to see Relena – his daughter – like this. In this state. Slowly and cautiously he stepped towards his daughter and the heap lying on the ground. All Relena was able to see, smell, sense and think of was blood. _

_There were a few spatters of blood visible on her face though she didn't feel them and wasn't even aware of them. She didn't even feel the trembling hand of her father when he laid it unsurely on her slender shoulder. He wished Relena would cry. _

_And she did. _

_She cried her heart out when he hugged her – when he hugged her for the first time in seven years. _

_o0o _

_Relena wasn't able to get sleep in the week that followed after the incident. Every night she would've nightmares again. Nightmares in which her mother committed suicide right in front of her. Over and over again. They were nightmares of blood. Everywhere was only blood. She always woke up crying and her body completely covered with sweat. _

_After the death of his wife Relena's father finally realised how precious his family really was. How important Relena, HIS daughter, actually was. He cared for her now like he'd never done before. Cared like a real father. He made her still get some sleep by giving her sleeping pills in her glass of milk. He made sure she'd get enough sleep. At night when she woke up crying, he always rushed to her room. He rocked her then like she was still a baby until her eye lids would get heavy again. But slowly the nightmares didn't come every night. _

_Relena was vaguely conscious what happened around her in that one week after that seeing that horrible scene. She wouldn't go to school, couldn't eat. She could only think and see how a woman would commit suicide in front of her daughter. In front of her. _

_Blood. _

_She wasn't able anymore to cope with blood. She would feel sick seeing it. In worse cases she even fainted. And the nightmares would turn again. _

_Long after she'd recovered her father was still worried about her though he would never show it, because she'd be concerned too. Relena felt like that her father had always cared for her but always hidden it for her. Why, she didn't know. It felt suddenly so normal to have a father who always asked how you day had been, what you'd done and much more though in the past it had been opposed. _

_But he hadn't changed that dramatically as Relena had thought. One night when she couldn't get sleep she went to his room. She wanted to talk to him; maybe she would feel sleepy again than. But there was no one to see in his room when she arrived there. _

_There was only blood. _

_Blood. _

_Everywhere there was blood again._

It was hard to distinguish the face from the dark hair. Relena rubbed her eyes in confusion and frustration. The picture came a bit less blur now. Finally she recognised the dark haired woman.

"Hilde, ow…"

Relena grabbed her head with both hands. It was spinning and hammering dangerously. She didn't try to get up again.

"Hilde, did I… faint?" she asked though she knew the answer. Hilde slowly nodded.

"I'd said it, Relena," she replied quietly.

Relena let her head hung, trying to forget all those memories, those nightmares. She lifted her head up and glanced around not able to recall the place she was.

"Where am I?"

Hilde moved to sit next to her friend. She leaned back and pulled her legs up.

"You are in my house, Relena," she sighed. "How could you forget that?"

It was then that the blonde girl realised she was sitting in a bed. In Hilde's bed. Glancing around again she finally recognised the bedroom. On her left was Hilde's picture on the bedside table. In the snap she was smiling broadly at Relena. Her eyes sparkling, and her dark locks hanging loosely. With her dark glossy hair over her lean shoulders and her white summer dress she looked even more pretty than she already was. The light blue painted room was cosy and bright. How could she forget her best friend's room? What a fool she was. But that dream…

Mother…

"I'm sorry Hilde. You know I – "

"Don't say anything, Relena. I know, okay?"

Relena smiled weakly. "Thanks Hilde, you're such a sweetie. I love you."

Hilde smiled though she'd still a worried look in her eyes. She flung her legs over the bedside and stood up turning back to Relena.

"I love you too, Relena."

To hear her say the words so honestly Relena felt the tears burning behind her eyes. She blinked a few times with her eyes. She wanted to know what'd happened – what had happened to Dorothy. Relena sat quickly up and stared piercingly at Hilde, showing she was serious now.

"Who… who killed Dorothy?"

Hilde shook her head. "Police's trying to find that out."

Relena stayed quiet for a moment then asked: "When did she, when was she killed?"

"An hour of two ago before the police arrived. I think round midnight."

Suddenly Relena narrowed her eyes. "How did you know that… that."

Hilde rolled her eyes. "It was just co-incidence. I'd heard from Trowa her outburst. By chance I was there nearby. I thought to talk to her, find out what she actually wanted from you. But… I saw her dead on the floor in a puddle of blood. The door was left open. It was a horrible mess there in the room. She'd probably first a fight with her killer."

"Did the police find any evidence?" Relena asked hopefully.

Hilde looked for a long time at her best friend sitting in her bed. "No Relena, but don't get involved in this. I mean, forget you've even known her. If the police ask, say you don't know about anything. You didn't know anything about your secretary's life and you'd no problems with her at all. Okay?"

Relena lowered her eye brows hearing Hilde say this. "Why should I do that? Well, actually I don't know much about her, but she was my secretary. Of course I'm involved in this."

Hilde sighed. " But don't tell them than how your relationship with her was."

"Why?" Relena pulled the covers off still holding her friend's gaze. Hilde rolled her eyes.

"What do you think why? Of course they'll suspect you! She, well, liked your fiancé, she hated you, you ha-"

"I disliked her behaviour Hilde. I never really hated her," Relena interrupted her.

She looked down in her lap. Once at a time they both had laughed together, talked about so many things… Since Relena had been fifteen Dorothy's worked at a young age in her father's office. What was now hers. But when Dorothy had met Trowa… she'd changed totally. She'd always peer at Relena eyes full with hate. Her voice would be always cold, ice cold since then. Relena'd never mentioned it her dad, because Dorohy'd always done her job well and her father was pleased with her. Maybe she'd never mentioned it too because she'd still seen her as a friend and had wanted to be friends again. But Dorothy…

Relena looked up to Hilde.

"I think, Hilde, that…that maybe I'll miss her."

Relena saw that Hilde was startled at her statement.

"How can you miss her! She even withdraw money from your bank account without your permission."

"But she never that my company would go bankrupt." Hilde closed her eyes.

"I know it's quite strange, she did her job though she hated you so much.

Relena's eyes saddened. "That's one of the reasons I didn't fire her," she mumbled more to herself than Hilde.

The woman with the dark hair stroke a few locks of hair out of her face.

"And what were the other reasons?"

Relena bit on her lower lip. After a long silence she spoke again.

"We were friends once," her voice was tearful, though she wasn't crying. "And cut this sentimental nonsense. I don't want to talk more about this rubbish," Relena suddenly snapped. at Hilde.

"Ok, ok Relena."

Hilde said, knowing that the memories were being too much for Relena. Hilde walked towards her dresser what was standing opposite the bed. She was thinking about what safe topic they could talk.

Relena closed her eyes, but she saw immediately the horrible sight of Dorothy again. In blood.

Blood.

At once she opened her eyes again. The blonde stepped out of the bed too to Hilde's surprise.

"Relena, you need to sleep!" she commanded.

Weakly Relena smiled stroking a few strands of her aside.

"I can't catch sleep again, Hilde, you know that too."

'Those nightmares…'

Hilde cast her eyes down and looked up then again.

"Where are your parents?" Relena remembered suddenly.

"Oh, in their bedroom."

"Sleeping?"

"By now they would be sleeping again." Hilde glanced at the clock. "Six o'clock in the morning," she yawned.

Relena smiled. "You need more sleep than that I do, silly. Go sleep." Relena picked her coat up from the dresser. "I'm going back home."

"You can stay here," Hilde suggested but Relena shook determined her head.

"No Hilde, you've helped me a lot. Now just go to get some sleep. I'm fine on my own."

"You're sure?" Hilde asked anxiously.

"Yes I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

Relena glanced in the room making sure she wasn't forgetting anything. With sleepy eyes Hilde stared at the blonde. She touched the front pocket of her blue trousers. There was something in it.

"Oh, Relena," Hilde said remembering again what it was. Relena was near the door. She turned hearing Hilde's call.

"Yes."

"I almost forgot to give you this back." She laid the car keys in Relena's hand. "I drove your car."

"And yours?"

"Still parked there. I can get it later." she winked but couldn't hold back another yawn. Relena smiled and shook her head.

"Sleep now, Hilde. I'll call you in the evening."

Quickly she pecked her cheek and got out of the room. Hilde stared the blond after.

'Stupid,' she thought. 'Always trying to hide your emotions. Always hiding it.'

She shook her head. Relena… Hilde took off her sandals while thinking about her best friend. She'd been so scared, so shocked when Relena had fainted. If the men there hadn't helped her, she wouldn't have been able to carry her to the car. She'd been in such a panic but had tried to keep her head cool. Relena had been sweating and turning all the time in the bed while she was asleep. Though Relena hadn't told it her, Hilde knew what she'd dreamt. Hilde stepped in her bed and was about to turn off the light when she heard Relena cheerfully calling her.

"O yes, Hilde! I'm heading to the police station. Bye and sweet dreams!"

The door was slammed shut behind the blonde. Hilde sighed but smiled then. She'd always been so stubborn.

o0o

"Okay, okay. I can't handle this anymore. I'm tired and stressed out!"

Hopeless Relena placed the fingers of both her hands at her temples. Trowa was staring amused at her.

"Trowa! You know that it isn't so funny. Since two days I don't have a secretary and I can't find anyone who is good enough. I can't cope with this extra work anymore."

But Trowa was still smiling and staring at his lovely fiancée who was sitting behind her desk.

"How pitiful," he smiled.

"Well, Trowa, if you're here to make my mood worsen you better coul-"

"I can be your secretary," a voice suddenly said.

Relena stared at the person in the doorway and leaned back in her chair.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

* * *

**Okay, curious who it will be?**


	6. I lost it again

**Past Mistakes **

Rate: M

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing

Warning: lime! So you're warned!

Past Mistakes

Chapter six – I lost it again

"Well, Hilde. I think it's a very bad idea."

"But why?"

"Because… you're my friend."

Hilde raised both her eye brows while she kept staring at the blonde sitting behind her desk. The dark haired woman raised her hand from the door handle where it had been still resting and stepped in the room. The door swung shut behind her not a second later.

Trowa was still sitting opposite Relena of the desk. He'd crossed his arms and was listening to their conversation. They'd to solve this matter out their selves.

Hilde had meanwhile approached the desk. She laid her hands flatly on the dark brown desk and leaned on them slightly forward to Relena. She stared a moment piercingly at Relena before she uttered:

"Relena, you should be happy that I want to do this job. You know you can trust me, I can handle the work and besides I'm your friend. You should be really glad about it, Relena."

The blonde girl tried her best not to roll her eyes.

"Hilde! Can't you understand it? Of course, I'll be happy that my best friend will be my secretary. But think about it… Uhm… we'll be more chatting than working."

"No Relena, I promise we'll work when we'll have to. And in free time we can always chat. I can't see the point why you're suddenly doing so difficult." Hilde pulled the chair back that was placed next to Trowa's seat. Sitting on it she said very self confidently: "So Relena, what do you think now?"

The blond leaned back in her chair sighing. "I guess I've no other choice," she admitted her defeat staring at the ceiling.

'You're gonna regret this Hilde...'

Hilde smiled a little. "I resigned."

Quite surprised Relena cast her eyes down again. "What? I mean why?"

Hilde glanced at the tall man next to her. His was set as always emotionless, though his eyes were standing still worried. He hadn't said a word since she'd arrived. Maybe because he didn't want to interfere. She didn't know it surely.

"It is quite a tough job being the secretary of such a busy advocate. He paid well, though, but well, say I got bored from that job. Besides I figured out you'd need me."

"This job isn't less bore than, Hilde," Relena teased the other woman.

Hilde chuckled. "It can't be bore, because you're my employer AND my friend."

o0o

"Are you going to your office?"

Hilde looked questioning up to the tall man passing the cabin what was now hers. Only three days ago it had been of someone else. Trowa stepped at the voice and turned to look at the pretty woman sitting behind the white desk.

She'd cleaned up the mess that'd been on the desk. There was a pc placed at the right side of the large desk. A few files were lying at the left; probably Hilde had just been studying them. Other things on the table were some office staff like pens, a telephone and her small blue bag was lying in front of the keyboard. Next to pc was a vase. There'd always been artificial flowers in it. But not today.

Trowa took a few more steps towards her desk while Hilde gazed at him with lowered eye brows not knowing what was attracting him towards the desk. The flowers were real this time, noted Trowa. Hilde must've brought them today. Finally Hilde noticed his attention to the flowers.

"I brought them today before I came here."

He nodded and remained staring at the yellow flowers in the blue vase.

"Are you heading to your own office?" she asked him again since he hadn't answered her.

He nodded with his head again slightly then sighed.

"Are you still worried about Relena?"

He looked immediately up at her. She'd guessed it right. Hilde gave him a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, Trowa. You know why I'm here. We've talked this through yesterday," Hilde said remembering their 'meeting' yesterday.

"_I don't know what this girl wants!" Hilde sighed. "She'll be sick and she'll get me sick too." Hilde looked up at the back of her friend's fiancé. "Trowa! Are you listening or not! I'm talking about ten minutes like a mad and you haven't said a word till now. Aren't you worried about Relena?" _

_Hilde heard him heave a sigh. He'd stopped his movements for a moment but then continued again. Hilde was feeling desperate now. With knitted eye brows she stared at the tall man in blue jeans and a green shirt. He was mixing some drink for them while Hilde leaned against the wall, waiting impatiently for the brown haired man to get ready. He picked their drinks up and handed her hers. He walked out the large kitchen to the sitting with the worried girl following him on his heels.  
He lived in a bright, big house and that all alone. He'd lost his parents a very long time ago. He'd been their only child. There were no servants in the house. Simply because he didn't like it. He wanted to do all his work by himself. Though there came every day workers who cleaned the rooms up. Hilde nipped from the drink while she was sitting on the bench opposite of Trowa. Anxiety was written all over her small face. Though he was still looking calm. _

_He broke finally the silence._

"_You know Hilde that I AM worried about Relena. So please don't repeat that again. It hurts me."_

_He avoided her gaze while uttering these words. Hilde noted the tone in his voice, expressing that he really was hurt. She sighed softly, hoping he wouldn't notice it. After a silence she spoke again, while she turned the half full glass between her hands._

"_I'm sorry Trowa," she began softly. "I know you are, but…you know of what she's suffered. And that what happened just two days before… Have you seen the bags under her eyes? They've never been that worse. I'm afraid she won't be able to handle all this anymore."_

"_She's very strong, Hilde." He assured her and met her eyes._

"_I know she is, but it's just… I don't want her to be alone so often. I don't know what she thinks and does when she's all alone. What's hunting her mind? And I think she's overworking, maybe trying to forget it all for a few moments. She always acts strong towards us, Trowa, but…I think she's all broken from inside." Hilde let her worries finally out to the person she trusted the most after her best friend Relena._

_Trowa stared at the floor. She wasn't able to read his eyes since his brown locks were hiding them. What was he thinking?_

"_What do you want me to do?" he asked her finally. _

_Hilde hesitated._

"_Talk to her," she uttered._

"_No, that won't help a little. She won't tell me or you anything more than that we know… We do know through what she's been and it'll call only more painful memories up, while she'd trying her level best to forget them. Besides, I am not able to see her suffer again," he said in a soft voice._

"_What must we do than? I can't see anymore how hard she's working and…"_

"_There'll have to be someone who keeps her company all the time and not let her think or remember about her awful past."_

_He looked up at her. There was a little hopeful smile playing round his lips._

"_And that will be you."_

"_Me?" The dark haired woman frowned. "I'm already spending more than enough time with her. What do you want me to – "_

"_Secretary," he broke her off. "As her secretary you'll always keep her company in office time. You won't let her think too much." He winked at her, his eyes twinkling after a very long time again. _

"_So… what do you think Hilde?"_

"I'll be going now, Hilde. Look after my little princess."

She smiled.

"Yeah, sure.

He walked out her cabin heading towards his own office that was only a few blocks away from the Darlian's company.

Hilde was still smiling while she looked in the files. She wished she too would've some one like Trowa who cared about her. And wouldn't deceive her. Hilde closed her eyes trying to wash away those hateful memories.

"Okay, Relena," she said in a whisper to herself so no one could hear her clearly. "Lets see whom you're going to meet…"

She looked up the file in the PC where the day schedules were saved. She clicked on it. The file opened and her eyes flew over the lines. Suddenly her eyes stopped. Hilde stared at the name. Her hand placed on the mouse was in a short time full of sweat, her heart was pounding in her throat. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't swallow the pain back down and away. All she could do was stare at the name.

Mr. Winner

'That bastard, rascal,' her pain turned slowly in anger. Full of disgust she peered at the name. Today of all days he'd to come just now. She glanced at the time on the screenplay when he'd be expected here. 14.30 Right now it was ten minutes for twelve. She wasn't in the mood to see that bastard today. She remembered how Relena had tried to convince her that she shouldn't take this work. She hadn't mentioned HIS name – that loser's name – because of Trowa. Or maybe because of her…

Hilde leaned back in her wheelchair. She'll see what happens. He couldn't give her a greater heartbreak than this one. She'd loved him so much – maybe too much. She'd given him everything what he'd just wanted. Everything. Still, he'd deceived her.

She stopped with great difficulty the train of thoughts and unanswered questions. She piled the files up. She'd learned to live with this – this truth that maybe he'd never really loved her. Ditched her for a richer woman. Had it been her fault her parents were middle class?

Her thoughts were interrupted by her new boss.

"So… what do you say, my dear secretary, where should we go out for lunch?"

o0o

"Trowa! What a surprise!" Relena hugged her fiancé before she let him in in the foyer.

"I was missing you, my little princess. Did I interrupt you in something?"

Relena closed the large door feeling his hot breath on her neck. She turned and shook her head.

"No, of course not Trowa." She smiled at the tall man. "It's just that its quite late. Past midnight, you know."

"Can't I see my fiancée whenever I want?" he smirked and grabbed her hand pulling her towards him and lying his arms around her small waist. He bend his head to down to bring his face closer to the girl's one. Relena stroke his honey coloured hair out of his face, trying to get a better view of his gorgeous eyes. And trying to oppress the butterflies in her abdomen.

"Whenever you want you may come, Trowa."

She could barely form the words. Relena was just about to see something but he caught her mouth in a tender kiss.

"Stay…" she pleaded when he broke away.

One nod of his head was enough. She quickly and silently grasped his hand pulling him in the large living room. He followed her willingly, not asking her once why she was such in a hurry. They came into another hall. Relena stopped and glanced at the doorway of the kitchen. Pagan wasn't asleep yet.

"Pagan, go to sleep. Trowa is with me."

She called but didn't wait for his reply. When they were finally in her large bedroom she let his hand go. In the darkness they stared at each other for a long time. Relena hadn't closed the curtains so that the moonlight was pouring in the room. Nothing was said between them both for a long time as nothing was touched. They only kept staring and breathing.

Relena was the first who moved eventually. She switched on a small light on the bed side table and peered at once up at him. He was looking as always so hot and tempting.

"Will you just stand there or what?" she lured him when he didn't move.

She couldn't wait any longer now. Not did she wanted to. He smirked and stepped towards her. Before she knew he'd pulled her in his arms. Immediately she wrapped her bare arms around his neck. He'd made her wait already for so long…

One year…

He ducked his head to nibble at her lips until he finally deepened the kiss. With his strong arms flung around her waist he pressed her body closer to his. The heat of his body was overwhelming her so much she wasn't able to bring out a word. Trowa broke away for air but quickly she caught his mouth again and kissed him fiercely surprised of her own actions. She was wanting to tell him how much she'd longed for this moment. For this night.

When she broke away missing too much air Relena saw her fiancé smirking. His green eyes were dark, completely dark and… filled with lust. Exactly what she'd wanted though she was maybe regretting her wish now, but why was he smirking so broadly? Her hands were aching for her to move his hair away. Doing so she was able to see both of his eyes.

"What are you smirking at?"

She asked a little annoyed of his mocking stare at her while she slowly undid the buttons of his coat not breaking eye contact with him. His grin grew wider as he kissed her forehead.

"You sure you can't wait?"

Relena pulled his coat finally out and threw in on the large behind him. She got herself then busy with his white shirt.

"No," she whispered.

Her voice was almost inaudible as he trailed a path of soft kissed on her neck and collarbone. He lifted her head up with his left hand brushing her cheek with his thumb. Bending his head he kissed her slowly making her ache for more.

"I meant, can't you wait till we're married?" he said in her ear sending shivers down her spine. Not wanting to think it over Relena pushed him towards the bed.

"I never said I'll marry you, Trowa Barton," she teased him. She was happy it was dark in the room so he wouldn't see her cheeks glowing. She gave him another push so would fall on the bed but before that Trowa quickly grabbed her wrist and pulled her with him so they would fall together on her bed.

He stroke her hair out of her face, grinning.

"Then I'll force you, my princess," he whispered and began to nibble her ear.

She moaned softly and her hands searched for the other buttons on his shirt she'd left. After she'd finally undone the last button he flipped her over so he was lying atop of her. She'd finally succeeded in opening his shirt. Her soft fingers travelled over the surface of his bare chest as he raised his head to kiss her. Sliding his tongue in her mouth he caressed hers gently. Relena stripped him from his shirt while kissing him passionately back. On her own she began to tug at the zipper on the back of her black nightgown. She felt his hands wander up to her hands.

"Let me," Trowa whispered between his kisses.

He was about to slide the straps of her dress down when Relena noticed that the door was open. She didn't want to see Pagan her in this condition. Gently she untangled herself from him seeing his surprised face.

"The door is open… I'll go to close it," she explained whispering next to his ear when he wasn't letting her go. She saw him sigh and he rolled over to lay with his back on the dark blue spread next to her. Sliding off the bed Relena glanced at him feeling nervous now before she hurried to close the door. Just when she'd closed the door she felt his breath tickling in her neck. Relena closed her eyes and felt herself shiver when he stroke her soft hair aside.

Trowa began to nuzzle her neck and let his hand slid in the back opening of her gown caressing the soft flesh with his long, tan fingers. She couldn't oppress the moans that were escaping from her small mouth that his fingers on her bare back were inducing. She felt how he was slowly pulling her back in the room towards her bed.

Relena's heart was racing madly and her brains had completely stopped functioning. She wasn't aware of the footsteps on the stairs coming up.. Nor when they stopped for her door for a few seconds. Finally they turned and went downstairs again without the knowledge of the couple. The only thing Relena had in her mind was him: Trowa.

She turned in his embrace to look again in those loving eyes.

"Trowa… you won't go now…"

She pleaded again, knowing that there was no need to ask it; the hunger in his eyes were telling her far too much. Trowa smiled at her and shook his head. She felt her heart beat at this even faster than before.

"I love you," she could form the words.

Her hands trembled slightly when she cupped his handsome face. Hopefully she stared in his green orbs wanting to hear him say it too. Trowa bent his head closer to her.

"Relena, I – " his voice was a little more than a whisper. "Princess, I lo-"

They both jolted suddenly back from each other at hearing a noise. Out of breath Relena stared in a daze at her fiancé. Then she laughed nervously when she recognized the sound. He was still staring frowning at her.

"Your phone, Trowa."

He let out a sigh, finally understanding where the noise was coming from. He growled a little and felt in his pockets. She watched the tall man with interest who was standing in her room and was to her luck stripped to his waist. He found his phone eventual in the front pocket of his trousers.

He didn't look very happy to be disturbed when they were just about to…

Relena chuckled a bit but then instantly stopped when she heard him panic over the phone. Shit, she'd to listen to his conversation.

"Tell me you are lying… it can't be!"

Trowa was staring through her. Her was looking as calm as he was always. It was frightening Relena. He seldom raised his voice. And he never had looked panicked like this before.

"Ok, Ok, I'm coming…Yes."

Relena zipped her gown up again. There had to be happened something terribly. Trowa tossed his mobile on the bed. He didn't look up at her but sunk to her dismay down on to the bed with his face buried in his hands. His chest was going up and down in a rap tempo up and down.

Why was he so disturbed? What'd happened? Why won't he tell?

Several questions were raising in her mind up. Questions only Trowa could answer, but Relena didn't ask them. She just stared at the half naked man, her fiancé. His breathing was turning gradually to normal again. But when he raised his head she was again the panic in his eyes, combined with something more she couldn't tell, though his face was set in a calm and serious expression now.

"Trowa…"

"Relena, I've to go," he broke her off.

She fell silence for a minute.

"No…" she uttered knowing too well he _had_ to go. Finding her acting selfish, Relena cast her eyes down. "I understand," she finally said.

"I'm sorry, Relena," he was sounding regretful.

"I know this night had to meant a lot to you," Trowa said softly while he stood up and moved towards her.

"Its ok," she could only mumble.

She was wishing he would tell her what had happened, because she didn't have the courage to ask him. Looking her in the eye he stood for a moment for her before he suddenly embraced her tightly. Her petite form pressing against his much solder and larger body, making her feel even more afraid. She felt his panic, his fear, anxiety and him.

"It's going to be all right, my little princess. I've some little problems. I'll have to go abroad – Spain – because of my business there. It's nothing to worry, really," he tried to assure her, moving his lips against her soft, silky hair. He lifted her head as he moved his head back to hold her eyes in his stare. "I'll be back in two days, only two days, I promise," his voice was to her surprise utterly calm and again reassuring.

He stroke with his calloused thumbs over her cheeks. The movement helped somewhat cancelling out the feeling of chaos in her heart, though it came back in no time. How would she have to survive two days without him? He'd always dropped by to see her every day. That had been since… her father…

With great prudence he let her go her arms as his falling back to their sides. He took a step back while keeping his gaze at her. Abruptly he turned and grabbed his shirt and cell phone from the bedspread. She could stare at her fiancé. Turning quickly he pecked her forehead causing her to shiver. It wasn't feeling the right at least. All this hurrying… It felt like…

There was something wrong, she was sure of it, no doubt. His pace was different and far from calm when he rushed her room out, her house, the city and the whole country. Far away from her to Spain.

Relena bit on her calm wanting herself to calm down. He'd promised to return in two days. He wouldn't break it, would he?

Suddenly her eye felt on his coat. It was still laying on her bed. In his hurry he must've forget it. Relena caught blankly the coat, his scent still present. Relena hugged the cloth before she put it away in her closet. She would give it him back when he'd come back. But when? She felt a tight feeling in her chest.

'Trowa…'

Feeling thirsty she went downstairs. Relena pulled the fridge open and stared at the bottles filled with drinks. She took at least five minutes to decide which one she would take. Orange juice was finally her choice. It was to her feeling tasteless when she gulped it down her throat with much difficulty.

She didn't want to think, it would be all right, right? Small problems…

But why had he been so upset?

Relena stared at her still full filled glass. He'd been fearing something, but had tried to hide it quickly, though his pace of walking had betrayed him. She was drown in her own thoughts that she didn't notice that someone entered the kitchen as she stood with her back to the doorway. When she felt suddenly a gentle hand on her bare shoulders she snapped out of her chain of thoughts causing her heartbeat to quicken.

"Pagan!" she sighed, "Please don't ever scare me like that."

Pagan didn't answer but took a step back.

"What are you doing here in the darkness?" he asked her walking away from the blonde girl to switch the lights on. He didn't wait for her reply and asked something else causing her to stiffen.

"Where is Mr. Barton? Why was he in such a rush?"

The blonde looked away from the butler who was still wearing his black uniform.

"Nothing to be worried about. Few problems, abroad, he will be back in two days."

To her surprise when she said this aloud she felt not so worried anymore. Maybe because she was too exhausted too think.

Pagan nodded his head slowly and turned round.

"Get some rest now, Miss Relena, you'll have to go to office in the morning."

'Damn work. Shit office.'

Relena yawned feeling finally sleepy again. Pagan started walking out the kitchen, but stopped after taking two steps. Relena wasn't aware of it and was again staring at her glass. This time thinking whether she would drink it or put it back in the cooling.

Her heart missed two beats when she heard Pagan say something suddenly to her. He glanced at her over his old, crooked fallen shoulder

"If I were you I wouldn't count on it that Mr. Barton will be back in two days. Who knows, he won't come back ever."

o0o

"I'm trying to get in touch with him the past few days but I just can't reach him. His mobile is off. I don't have the number of his office there. Its all so weird. Even his secretary doesn't have the number. Nor did he call me. How careless and irresponsible could you be! Hilde, I'll tell you, when he comes back this afternoon I – "

"Will you stop talking Relena let me say something too!"

Relena's head snapped up while she was holding the receiver tightly in her hand next to her ear.

"But Hilde – "

"I called you to tell you something very important, Relena, and you aren't giving me any opportunity to talk." The woman at the other side of the line was sounding angry in the beginning but it faded when Relena heard the fear in her voice too sending shivers down her spine. What was she wanting her to tell?

"Hilde, I'm sorry…" the blonde leaned back in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She could hear Hilde sigh.

"Relena… I've been dreading the whole day how to tell you this. Actually I shouldn't say this over the phone, but I don't have the courage to say it right into your face."

Relena closed her eyes. She was feeling very anxious about her friend's voice.

"What is it Hilde? Just tell me," Relena whispered. It would be better to hear it right away. Her heart began to beat much faster in her chest when she heard Hilde take a deep breath before speaking again.

"Relena… damn, uh… Trowa… Trowa is dead."

There fell a long silence before someone was able to speak again.

"Joke, right?"

Was the first thing Relena could bring out.

"I wish it was, Relena, but – "

Hilde stared shocked at her mobile after hearing a 'click'. Relena had hung up.

'Shit, shit, shit. I knew I shouldn't have told her it like this. Damn.'

She'd no idea what Relena would do now. The thought only made her chill. She'd to go now to see her. Hilde grabbed the car keys from the bedside table near her bed. She was only hoping Relena wouldn't do anything…

In the hallway she called to her parents she was going to Relena. She knew they would be angry on her because she was going out so late, but she was not a child anymore. They would've to face it once.

Hilde raced in her car to Relena's villa. Several disturbing, awful thoughts were entering her mind. In what state would she found her? Hilde quickly greeted the old servant and rushed past him upstairs.

'Will she be still at home?'

Out of breath Hilde reached Relena's room. She stared long at the large, white and closed door. There was coming no light from the small opening under the heavy door.

'Is she inside?'

Hilde swung the door open finding the answer.

It was dark in the room, but there was little light coming from outside as the curtains were still hanging aside. First Hilde could barely distinguish something. She took a step in the room.

"Relena?" her voice called out.

Then eventually she saw the silhouette at the corner of the bed. Relena was sitting with her knees pulled up and her chin resting on her knees. Hilde didn't turn the light on, letting it remain dark. She was too scared to see the lost look on Relena's face. It was never easy to lose many times your dear ones.

"I was waiting for you," Relena said in a quiet voice.  
Hilde sat on the bed opposite Relena.

"Relena… it's gonna be okay," she said though she knew it wouldn't be. Hilde had expected to see tears in Relena's eyes but when she looked up they were totally dry.

"Who killed him?"

* * *

**I'm sorry for the Trowa fans, but... Heero is (finally) coming on stage in the next chapter! So just review and I promise I'll update in less than 1 month.**

**Thanks for all the supporting!**

**Love,  
Sery **


	7. Threats

Chapter seven – Threats

"_Relena… Trowa is dead."_

Relena clutched the pen she was holding in her right hand. She stared at the file lying on her desk. She tried to read the letters on the paper and form words with them. Cold sweat was breaking out on her already tensed up face. She tried to swallow against the lump in her throat.

"_Who killed him, Hilde?"_

"_Why do you think someone killed him?" Hilde asked astonished._

"_I know it," the blonde answered simply._

_Hilde cast her eyes down; avoiding her best friend's gaze._

"_Do you suspect someone?"_

_Slowly Relena nodded staring at the girl opposite her._

"_Treize," she said then quietly._

"_I'm sorry, Relena. No one has killed him."_

"_Then… how? …Accident, right?"_

"_I'm afraid not."_

_The look on Hilde's face was frightening her._

"_Then… how could he –" _

_Relena knew what Hilde wanted to tell her. Hesitating to tell Hilde opened her mouth a little. Relena wished deeply in her heart Hilde would just shut her mouth and she'd wake up realising it was only a dream. _

_No._

_A nightmare._

_Her heart beat was beating madly like it never had done before. Sweat was breaking inside of her, though she didn't flinch, there were no signs of sweat on her face or body. Almost calmly she was staring at Hilde._

_The dark haired woman shut her mouth only to open it a second later again and utter the words out Relena would never be able to forget her whole life._

"Hello…? I'm talking to you, princess. Wake up. Daydreaming in your office is a very very bad habit. HEY!"

Relena snapped up from her thoughts to see a grinning face being still in a daze.

"Duo! What are you doing here?" she said as she tried to close those dreadful thoughts in a far corner of her mind. The man with the long, brown braid pulled a face at her question. He started to play with his braid while was talking.

"Actually I wanted to take Hil – your secretary out for lunch. But she isn't here anymore."

The look on his face was disappointed and his lips pouted. Relena fought against the urge to laugh at the look on his face. She glanced at her watch.

"It's a half past twelve. She has already gone out for lunch."

'Though it's strange… She would just lunch in the office or out with me…' Relena thought but was distracted from her thought again by Duo.

"What! Oh shit man! But why are you then still here?"

A little panicking she tried to find a good excuse. But there was already no need for that.

"Still working at lunch time, huh? Bad girl. Don't overstress yourself, princess."

Relena felt her throat tighten.

"But we can go out for lunch too, can't we?" He winked at her cheerfully. "I won't bore you, I promise."

She forced to smile a little.

"Yeah sure, Duo, why not."

Duo helped her with piling the papers and files up wordlessly. After that Relena picked her white bag up and headed towards the exit of her cabin. Duo was already holding the door open for her. Reminding her of someone.

'Trowa…'

"So, what do ya say, beautiful. I know a nice place, only a few miles away from here. Very luxurious. And nice waitresses…" he grinned. "I'll threat. Is that fine with you, princess?"

He was now grinning broadly while he walked next to her exiting her office though his grin faded when he saw her face.

"Relena…?"

She'd stopped suddenly. He turned around wondering what the hell he'd done wrong now.

'Oo, I always screw it up,' he thought.

"Would you mind something, Duo?" she uttered in a small voice staring blankly up at him. "Please… don't call me… princess again."

"But –"

"Please, Duo, it has nothing to do with you."

He stared for a while after her, and then smiled; he knew what she was going through.

"Ok, Relena, but then I'll have to call you something else. Let me think…"

While he was loudly thinking names for her they walked out her office. Relena was feeling but happier now she distracted from her thought by him. She was glad he was there to accompany her. And indeed, he was a good company. Not letting her think of those frightening and awful thoughts anymore.

"Um, sexy… babe… beautiful… I know what! I'll call you the seducing blonde! What do you think?"

Relena blushed furiously. People were turning their heads towards them to look why they were being so noisy.

"Whatever Duo you feel like call me, please… I'm wondering where Hilde went without telling me… Where could she have gone?

o0o

"I don't want to… let it start again – listen, I can't do this. I'm sorry Quatre."

Her face was set determined though her voice was weak; it left her as always in his presence. The 24-year-old man looked up. Hilde avoided his gaze and shove her chair back.

'Why did I come here?'

She grabbed to her handbag but the blond man seized her hand. With that always so soft look in his eyes he stared her; pleading her to stay. That look that at a time once had made her melt and fall for him. She wanted to tear her eyes away from his, but she didn't get any luck in succeeding. A few people glanced at them in the expensive restaurant they were sitting in, but paid further no attention to them.

"I don't want to start anything again, dear Hilde," he said slowly while staring at her penetratingly. "I only want you to… believe in me."

"Do you want me to believe that your parents forced you to marry someone you didn't want to? I'm sorry, but I can't believe that. You're their youngest son; they would never force you even if they went bankrupt!"

The dark haired woman was as always not caring what people around her would think. She was almost yelling at the man that was looking so innocent. But it was all a mask, wasn't it?

She pulled her hand back from under his, but couldn't break the eye contact. She knew she'd to go. Get out of her. Away from him, because she knew that else she'd lose this battle with herself and would in the end give in to him.

"Yes, it's true," he said now in an even softer voice.

Not that she was weak. No. But because she still loved him. This blond deceiver.

'I should've never come to lunch with you, Quatre. Now, it'll only cause me more pain.'

"Quatre, if you still love – care about me, please, don't stop me, but if you intend to hurt me."

His eyes widened a little in shock of her words. He opened his mouth to object but finally he cast his eyes away from her.

"Never meet me again but if you want to see me suffer," her voice was cold now.

'Am I really doing the right thing? Had Relena been telling no lies? Was he really honest? Then why…?'

With a jolt she whirled around to the exit, before she would change her mind. When she slammed the door shut of her small car she finally noticed it; her hands were trembling.

o0o

_Hilde's voice reached Relena's ears: "He committed suicide, Relena. He was too weak to cope with his problems anymore. _

_"Was it because of… me?" her voice shook like her body did. With her eyes closed Hilde shook her head. _

_"He'd hidden his problems from almost everyone, include me and you," Hilde opened her eyes again and looked Relena straight in the eye. "He tried to keep it a secret, Relena, but when he thought it would be exposed to everyone, he just… gave up" her voice trailed off. "Would you've ever expected of Trowa that he –" _

Something was disturbing her. The blonde frowned still half in sleep. What was it? Tensed she rubbed her eyes to get her sleep away. It was so suffocating, so hot. With half open eyes Relena pulled – what had to be the blanket – away. The sound was still disturbing her. She sighed when it finally got through her that her cell phone was ringing. Feeling less sleepy she turned the light on her side table on and grabbed her phone. She blinked before she got her vision clear. Recognizing the number on the small screen made her remember her dream again.

Why was she… why couldn't she forget all those things? Why won't they just let her rest and leave her alone. Why was this happening to her? Why wouldn't she –

Relena pushed the button to receive the call and brought the mobile next to her ear. Only a moment ago she was feeling like she would choke of the warmth and now she was shivering.

"Relena," Hilde sighed.

"So, darky, how long did I make you wait?" Relena tried to be cheerfully. Though all awful thoughts were running in her mind. When she closed her eyes she could only see one thing: blood. She was sounding maybe cheerfully, but her face wasn't. Her lips were dipped down and her hair a mess.

"Were you sleeping?"

"Hmm, yeah," she replied.

"O, sorry."

"It's okay." Relena was silent for a moment before she continued. "Hilde, is everything all right with you?"

"Hmm, yeah."

She wasn't sounding quite persuading.

"Sure?"

"Yeah, really."

"Couldn't you get sleep?"

"Yeah, I couldn't."

Relena hesitated. "Was it… well… Quatre?"

There fell an uncomfortable silence on the other side of the line. Relena gritted her teeth. Why did she say that? Why –

"That jerk can fuck up!"

Surprised Relena heard Hilde yell in the phone. "Uhm, Hilde…"

"I – I hate him Relena. Never talk about him again. Unless it's about your business with his company."

"Where were you, Hilde? You didn't show up after lunch. I can handle the work, Hilde for a few hours more – it's not about that. I was worried about you. You wasn't picking your mobile even up, nor were you at home when I called at eight in the evening.

"I needed some time, Relena," Hilde uttered softly. "I guess I'm not over him yet."

"And Duo?"

Hilde let a silence fall.

"We're just good friends. I feel sorry for him if he likes me but –"

"Just friends?" Relena asked suspiciously and teasing her friend.

"He told me that he did like me, but –"

"Do you find him attractive?" When Hilde kept silent, Relena said: "Honestly, Hilde."

"Quite."

Relena smiled thinking Hilde and Duo as a couple. The only thing that could make her forget Quatre was another love.

"You two are made for each other!"

_"You and Quatre are mad for each other! I tell ya Hilde!"_

Relena suddenly remembered that she'd said that once too then, but Hilde didn't note it, or was she was doing that on purpose?

"But we're just good friends."

"Yeah, yeah, I believe you, Mrs Maxwell."

"…"

"So… when will the kids come?"

"O, no, first you'll mar-"

Relena closed her eyes holding her tears back. Why had she to be the one who'd to lose everyone in her life she loved? First her mum, then dad and just one week ago Trowa. For what was she being punished? What had she done wrong? Had it been her fault that –

"… I – I'm sorry," Hilde whispered almost inaudible.

"It's not your fault, Hilde," Relena whispered back blankly. She stood up to walk over to her window. The moon was shining through the clouds and a few stars lightened the dark sky. The moonlight beamed in her bedroom as her form was moonlit in the dark room.

"Relena-"

"It has been always mine fault, hasn't it?"

"No, Relena-"

"Hilde."

The stern tone in her voice kept Hilde silence. Relena closed her eyes leaning her forehead against the glass of the square window. It was cold; soothing her hot body and her pain.

'Why do I've to pay for this, dad? Why?'

Relena felt hot tears burning behind her eyes. She clutched the mobile unconsciously in her hand pressing it to her ear as she heard another voice saying in her head.

_'Because you're not my child… and will never be.'_

o0o

A lean and tall figure was standing just outside the large steeled fence surrounding the garden and terrace behind the large building. His firm gaze was settled on the window where he could make out the form of her body. She was standing against – no more leaning against the square window. The moonlight lit her body in the dark room. She appeared to be sad and lonely in the big house.

'Well deserved…' he thought dryly.

His body and face were out the reach of light; he was standing in the dark with this both hands shoved deeply in his pockets, his head raised up. There appeared a soft look in his eyes as he was something glister in the moonbeams those shone on her small face. A feeling of loss and regret flowed through him before it suddenly left again. Just as abruptly it had shown up it disappeared. And so did the soft look in his eye. It made place again for hatred and of avenge.

Avenge…

A sly smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He was sure he was going to have some fun. With her. He turned after another peek at the window, the form of the girl was still there. Was she waiting for him to come in? A warm blew through his thick hair. He felt like he was standing here to observe his prey before going over in attack at her. Well, he was doing that too, right?

A quick glance at his watch told him that he'd been here long enough. He should make his way back now. Taking a few steps he kept his eyes settled on the figure behind the window, not losing her. The small figure was looking much smaller in the large building.

Abruptly the man stopped as their eyes met. He couldn't read them. He'd stopped in shock but on impulse he started walking again. Away from her sight and her window. Passing the front side of the building he came up to the front door. He saw the name plate. In large letters stood on it: 'Darlian's mansion'. He looked at it in disgust before he eventually spit on it. How many times had he already done this? But never could he get enough of it. It had become one of his habits now. And how long had he been waiting for this? One quick glance at the peaceful looking house there made his decision only stronger.

"I promise I'll avenge you, Antara."

o0o

For a moment she'd thought she'd seen someone. No, she was feeling like she'd been staring the whole time at a certain person. Relena lifted her head back from the window. There had been standing someone near the tree that was growing just outside the fence. But she saw no one there as she looked again. Relena closed her eyes in frustration. Had she been dreaming? Perhaps she'd.

'Trowa…'

Relena opened her eyes and looked at the cell phone in her hand that was now covered in sweat again. She'd hung up a long time ago, making it again clear to Hilde she was all right. And she was, right? At least she'd to be.

'I'm still young, I can find whoever boyfriend I want.'

'But not Trowa,' another voice in her head squeaked.

Relena returned to her comforter. She knew she wouldn't be able to get sleep again. 2.49 AM read her clock now. Had she been standing for almost an hour there? Relena sighed. Bangs of her hair were hanging loosely around her face as she had placed her head to rest on her crossed arms; they were settled on her knees. She'd pulled them up.

A shiver ran down her spine as she suddenly realized who could've been standing there in the shadows of the large tree. Hell, she should've known it would be him. He had threatened her last time she'd met; she was sure he wouldn't let it only be a threat. He was for sure up to something…

**_Four days ago_**

_Her eyes were still shot red from the lack of not sleep. Not from crying. Relena stared at her self in the mirror. Was she really this? A girl was staring back at her. To Relena's surprise she smiled. But her eyes were still deceiving her. They were red and the smile couldn't reach her eyes as they remained looking sad, lost. At a time those eyes would've sparkled, then why not now? The girl's face was one and all make-up. She'd tried desperately to hide her sunken cheeks by applying some red blush, but she only succeeded to make her look worse. _

_How had she to get out of house? But definitely not like this. _

_Relena felt a lump in her throat as she thought about the world outside this house. What would they be thinking of her? After losing her parents she'd lost her fiancé now. They would pity on her. Something she wasn't wanting at the moment. Seeing worried and sorrowful faces wouldn't help her exactly. _

_Three had passed and she'd not been able to go to office or out of her house. But she hadn't cried. No. But maybe because she hadn't she was feeling even worse now. Everything was looking so…useless. Including her life. _

"Never give up, Relena, you're my daughter and you're strong. Yes even stronger than be, my child."

_Relena heard her father saying it again. He'd told it her a year ago. _

_Relena opened her eyes again. She was determined now to live on. No matter what. Her dad…he had said it to her. She wouldn't – couldn't give up. _

_Relena peeked once back at the girl who was her own reflection before she grabbed her black handbag and walked on her stiletto heels her room out. _

_After a quick lunch Relena was about to rush the house out, with thoughts locked up in a corner of her mind, when she heard Pagan calling her. _

_"Yeah," she replied and cursed. _

_'Damn these high heels,' she thought as nearly slipped over the green carpet. _

_Pagan came out of the dining room with a frown between his grey brows and a plate holding in his hands. _

_"There's someone waiting for you in the garden." _

_"How long?" _

_"Almost half an hour." _

_"Why didn't you call me then?" Relena sighed starting to walk towards the exit. _

_"He said he didn't want to disturb you." _

_"Is it someone from office?" _

_"No, it's –" _

_Relena stepped in the garden seeing the person sitting on a stool on the terrace. While Relena stared in shock at him, he rose up, and Relena heard Pagan saying his name though there was no need any more for it. _

_"He was saying his name is Treize and said you know him." _

_Treize was smirking back at her as she kept looking in horror and anger at him. His eyes still held that mischievous look he'd last when he'd tried to… _

_Relena tore her eyes away from him. She knew she was shaking slightly, but she wasn't caring as she had it not in her hand. _

_"What are you doing here?" she said through clenched teeth. _

_His smile disappeared as he walked over to her. Relena felt her legs quiver knowing he could take advantage of her. _

_Now. _

_Pagan was no match for him. But he did have a pistol. Would he…? _

_He grabbed her hand as she felt her body quivering now too. She closed unwillingly her eyes as she heard his voice. _

_"I'm sorry about Trowa," she heard him say. _

_Her eyes fluttered open in surprise and she stared up at him. Had he come here to…? Was he regretting all what he'd done? _

_"And I'm really, really sorry for what I did last time." _

_Treize averted his eyes from her still holding her hand that had stopped trembling now. Relena looked at the ground to the green grass now knowing what to say. Should she forgive him now? Relena opened her mouth, but Treize started again. _

_"And…" he looked back at her then suddenly bent over. _

_Startled she felt how his right hand brushed a few locks out of her face and his head went near her left ear... _

_"Sorry for not taking better advantage of you that night. I promise I'll make it up with you soon. Very soon." _

_He bent back again to stay just inches away from her pale face. He saw that her eyes had widened in shock. _

_"I'll please you soon, sweetheart," he whispered. _

_He pecked her lips before she could even resist and he slipped the engagement ring off of her finger. _

_"Now you won't be needing this anymore," he grinned, turning her palm up and lying the diamond ring there. He closed her hand then. _

_With one last peck he was gone. _

o0o

He'd threaten her again. She was still surprised he hadn't done anything much worse to her, but still… He'd threaten Trowa before; he was dead now. Now her; so she'll be…

Nah, only if she would watch out, he wouldn't be able to do any harm to her. He'd a name here and honour. He would want to keep it high. In public he wouldn't do anything, but here at home…

She could ask Hilde to stay for a time. There were so many rooms for guests; rooms those have never been used. But she hadn't told her about Treize's unpleasant visit. Then she'd have to. Relena didn't know why, but she found it better to hide this fact from her friend.

'I'm sorry Hilde; I've hidden so many other facts from you too. You don't even know who I really am.'

Relena felt tears burning behind her eyes.

'I even don't know who I really am.'

o0o

"Hey, there's here someone for you."

"For me? Now?"

Relena frowned her brows looking at her day schedule on the screen of her laptop. Quickly she scanned the times and the names of the people she'd to meet today.

"Hilde, there's now one scheduled at this time. Not for another two hours, at least. Or is it Mr. Sims? Has he –"

"No, Relena, it's someone else. And very hot."

Hilde whispered the last sentence over the phone as she looked up at the man that was standing in front of her. He was leaning with one shoulder against the wall of her cabin that border on Relena's one. His hand went through his thick hair before he glanced up at her again.

Relena wasn't like Hilde's tone and words a bit.

"Who is it?" Relena said nonchalantly while leaning her head back in her wheelchair.

"Well, I don't know, he's saying his name was – sorry, what was your name again," Relena heard Hilde asking the man. She heard a vague mumble following.

"Oh, Heero Yuy, he's saying he has some important business with you…"

"Well, I guess sent him in than."

Relena was placing the phone back when she heard a knock.

"Come in."

Relena shuffled through her papers, while she heard someone entering the room and approaching her. The door closed with a 'click'.

"What do you want?"

'What am I asking?' Relena felt surprised by her own question. But the other didn't.

His voice was strong, firm, determined and yet hypnotizing when he answered her with only one word:

"You."

* * *

**I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again, because exams are on the way, but I hope it will not take more than six weeks...**

**I want to thank everyone who's been supporting me for writing this by reading it and leaving reviews.**

**Love you all,**

**Sery**


	8. I want you

**Past Mistakes **

Rate: M

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing

Warning: LIME!

Chapter eight – I want you

Relena's head shot up hearing the man answering her with only one single word:

"_You."_

The first thing she noted when he had spoken was his voice. She could vaguely remember she'd hear it once before. A long time ago, but when? After that, his word and the meaning of it had finally dawned on her. Then in astonishment she'd looked up to see who the person was to dare her say this in her own office.

And now she was staring in amazement in his eyes; Prussian blue. She'd never seen those coloured eyes before. To her own shock she found them beautiful and mysterious and couldn't tear her eyes away from them. He was hiding something in those Prussian blue orbs she'd started to found fascinating so at a sudden. But what was he hiding in the depths of his eyes?

She found herself startled again when he spoke after he'd amusingly been studying her.

"What? In a shock?"

He grinned at her as she cast her eyes down quickly and blushed slightly. Had it only been a stupid joke? She knew she should yell the hell out of him – but she didn't. But if it had been a joke, she hadn't liked it a little.

Relena dared to glance up to look at the man again as her attention first had been captured by his mysterious eyes. He was tall, and had a broad posture. He was even a little more broader than Trowa, but Trowa had been a bit taller.

He was wearing a navy coloured shirt with black denims; he wasn't wearing a suit. He wasn't clothed decent enough for a businessman or maybe he wasn't one. A few buttons of his shirt were left open so that she could've a small view at his bare chest. His body and face and arms were lightly tanned. Relena could see the muscles of his chest and arms as he'd rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. Trowa would never dress like this, Relena knew. But it was true that Trowa had not been as muscular as him. Relena's eyes lingered for a second too long on his lips. He was smirking.

'Just like… Treize…'

She felt herself wince unwillingly as the thought shot through her unclear mind.

His hair was thick, brown and unruly; completely the opposite of Trowa's hair style. He'd to be around the 23 or something. Trowa and he had certainly nothing in common. No.

'Hell, what am I thinking?'

Relena didn't know how quick she'd to look away from this man standing in front of her feeling very confused.

She wasn't as shocked at the fact she'd been studying him while he watched her and grinned broadly. But she was more aware and shocked of the fact she'd been comparing him with Trowa…

Once she herself had said that no one was comparable to Trowa, and now she'd been comparing Trowa with… him. Heero, she remembered Hilde saying again over the phone.

Relena looked up at him as he took a seat opposite her desk without her asking him to sit. She knit her eye brows unsure how to begin what to ask or say. She hid her shock and placing her hands on the desk she crossed her fingers. She breathed deeply.

"If this was a disgusting joke, I didn't like it at all… Mr Yuy."

Her voice was firm and stern. She was sure she'd heard his name before like his voice, but she couldn't remember when. Heero had been studying her fingers while she felt pretty awkward but when she started speaking one of the corners of his mouth slowly lifted up. His eyes met hers before the stunning words came out of his mouth.

"Who said I was joking? I'm dead serious."

Relena felt her eyes burning and her heart hammering as an idiot in her throat as he bent over the table. There was no time to even comprehend what he was going to do. She could at that very moment only stare in his eyes. She'd no doubt now that they were hypnotizing. And she could his warm hand on hers pulling her over the desk towards him feeling his hot, rapid breath on her face.

She wanted to cry out but her lips didn't move.

The first thing Relena thought when his lips crashed almost in fury on her softer ones and she closed her eyes shut, was that she didn't knew a thing about him, but that his name was Heero Yuy, he was the most handsome, dashing and amazing man she'd ever met, and she was sure her father had known him. But Relena didn't have a small chance to consider what that last meant as all her attention was to their adjoined lips. She felt his other hand go up to her head and tilting it a little as he opened his mouth and brushed his tongue demandingly and impatiently at her pink lips. His other hand left her hand it'd been holding and was placed at the nape of her neck.

Relena was surprised by herself as she opened her mouth without any hesitation or what.

A thought rushed trough her mind as his tongue entered her mouth: He was the first person who'd ever kissed her besides Trowa as she didn't count Treize's last two pecks on her lips.

Heero's kiss was rough, hard – too hard, nothing like Trowa's and… Relena couldn't the exact other word that could define it so quickly as her coherent thoughts were lost somewhere. His breathing was growing heavier as another thought entered her mind making her feel sick for moment: This is wrong.

Her neck was starting to get sore from her position. Probably his neck was starting to ache too as she heard him kneel on the desk. His hands left her for keeping his balance on the desk as he almost crawling crossed it to her without stopping kissing her. His both hands settled in her loosely hanging hair now as he'd removed the combs off of her hair and used his hands to press her lips even harder to his. As he crawled on the table Relena heard the files, papers, pens and other things falling clashingly on the wooden floor. It was making much noise, but they didn't seem to be disturbed about it as they were too caught up in their kiss.

'What the hell am I doing?'

Relena thought as he tore his mouth finally away from her to breathe some fresh air in. But Relena couldn't deny that his kisses were amazing. Relena's mind was telling her to stop and say that too to him. This was certainly not good. She knew she shouldn't feel attracted to him and especially not be doing this. Then, Hilde had known Trowa, but who was he? Heero?

Before Relena could say anything Heero crashed his lips with force against hers. His tongue pushed against her lips demanding for entrance. His tongue raved in her mouth ravishing her and not letting her think. Maybe he was doing it on purpose so she couldn't contemplate anything at this moment. But it wasn't only his tongue and his hands that were confusing her; but his scent too. It was intruding her mind and making her crave to be closer to him. Relena could hear the wheelchair squeak under her as he straddled after getting off of her desk; his knees placing on each side of her thigh pressing them together to make room for his knees.

Relena strained against him as he was trying to sit on her lap, her consciousness telling her this wasn't the right place to do things like these. His tongue was running on the tender flesh of her neck towards her collarbone making her moan helplessly.

As his mouth had finally left her kiss bruised lips she found herself contemplating that this was no good. Her arms had been hanging numbly on her sides but she now she tried to push him away off of her using them. A muffled cry escaped her mouth as he caught her mouth again trying to coax her.

"Don't… resist."

Relena head him whisper out of breath in her ear. The underlying tone in it was holding a threat making her body shudder under him. His hands were roaming all over now as he made himself comfortable in her lap. His knees were keeping his weight entirely from her and his tongue still teasing her endlessly and making her feel…

A picture suddenly appeared in front of her closed eyes.

'Trowa…'

How could she…? Relena felt disgusted about herself, because she let him and was enjoying it. The worst part was that she even didn't know him; how could she be doing this with a stranger? The thought was making her sick.

She bucked again against him, but this time he probably had enough of her resistance. He pinned her arms in a fluid movement above her head using one of his hands and then their eyes finally met again.

Relena was in a daze as she looked in his dark and lust filled eyes. Now she realized what she'd seen in those depths when he'd entered her cabin. It was the lust she'd seen it them; lust to her. The picture of Treize shot through her mind as her eyes were lost in those dark orbs. She vaguely heard the chair squeak again under them when Heero shifted his weight.

"Don't try my patience, Relena Darlian; I can use brute force too."

She felt herself looking astonished back as she heard him spit her name out. And now she finally comprehended that she was in a very, very bad and nasty situation. Heero pushed a few strands of her blonde hair out of her flushed face.

How the hell had she let him?

A smirk tilting his lips wasn't calming her anxiety at all and she unconsciously quivered under his gaze; her eyes still locked with his. His hot breath was still tickling her face.

"You're mine Relena," he said hoarsely before bending again towards her.

Relena wondered if he'd come here to doing this with her on purpose. Like he'd spit her name out, especially her surname, it looked like he knew her. But… what – hell, it didn't explain why he was doing this. Her hands were still pinned above her head; she could use them impossibly to push him away, but this couldn't go on like this. A gasp escaped her lips as with his free he started to unbutton her shirt. Relena was getting scared now of the consequences this would lead to if she didn't go over in action immediately as it finally dawned on her.

She shivered as his calloused fingers slipped under her shirt as he was too impatient to unbutton her shirt completely. His fingers traced her bare stomach while his mouth was going lower towards her chest leaving red marks behind. His hair again tickling her face and his uneven breathing on her chest. It was too difficult – impossible, to think, but Relena could feel his fingers gradually going higher and faster going towards her…

She squirmed under him, not wanting to feel him, wanting to block out the feelings he was stirring in her, but her efforts made his grip on her only stronger and more daring. Relena felt anxious thinking that a while ago her fiancé had saved her from Treize, but now when he wasn't here anymore who would help her this time?

Finally and unexpectedly and idea struck her mind to her relieve. If only Hilde would hear her loudly enough. Relena knew couldn't scream as hard that her secretary would hear her because he was somehow enfeebling her senses. She could kick against the desk or maybe even better; let the things fall that were left there after he'd been crawling over it.

He was too strong for her as he was weakening her. Relena heard the brown haired curse under his breath before he roughly caught her mouth again.

"Damn… I want you…"

Relena heard him vaguely whisper almost inaudible against her lips. This time when he tried to kiss her again, she pressed her lips firmly together as his tongue brushed on her lips for entrance.

'Not again, Yuy."

He was arrogant Relena found as his hands abruptly went to her bra-covered breasts squeezing them and making her gasp from his sudden touch so he could penetrate his tongue in her mouth again.

'Its now or never,' Relena thought as he let his hand wander over her thigh extremely near that intimate and sensitive spot. Relena stretched her legs as high as she could to get them on her desk. Wildly she moved them over it. Relena bit on his tongue but couldn't get herself to bit it harder like she should do. They both heard the loud noises in the room as things clashed at the floor again.

'Help me, Hilde, please…'

Relena found herself split in two; one side wasn't wanting him to stop but yearning to go on in pleasing her. The other was wanting him to stop; to leave her; the feelings he'd stirred in her to go away with him.

"Bad girl."

Relena heard him say astutely as he pulled back from her looking her in the eye. She wondered what he was thinking as his countenance and the dark look in his eyes didn't show any of his feeling. He wasn't looking depressed or disappointed as they heard the door swung open. Relena was so caught up in her eyes that she even didn't look up and the noise fell back into the background.

Instead of looking up she stared at the man sitting in her lap. Slowly his lips tilted again in a smirk. Relena wondered if he'd ever smiled because she saw him only smirking. He bent over to her promptly causing her heart to miss a beat.

"I'll see you later, Relena, and I promise we won't be disturbed again," he whispered his voice still husky from their exertion.

Their eyes met again as he pulled back. His eyes were twinkling mischievously and were craving for her. She could only gape dumbfounded at him. He got easily and at last off of her and straightened his clothes. Relena didn't dare to look up. She only wanted him to leave and never come back again. Heero watched her amused as he ran his fingers through his hair.

She'd been so in a dawdle and her arms numb like her body, she hadn't got her fingers once in his hair to touch it.

'What am I thinking? Why?' Relena sighed averting her gaze from him. 'Why is this happening to me? Why… again?'

She heard him walk away heading towards the exit. She wanted to cry preventing him from leaving; she wanted to be in his strong, firm arms again, feeling his rough, deft hands on her body, his lips on hers, and his breath in her face. Desperately she was longing to feel his thick, soft, brown and unruly hair, tangling her fingers in it.

An aching feeling in the pit of her stomach was evolving in her, overwhelming all thoughts. The dull pain was growing more with each step he took drifting further and further apart from her. The thought was irking her that she wanted him to turn back to her; giving her all the sensations he'd been inducing in her not a minute ago. She couldn't deny it to herself, but she knew she would never confess it to him. At least not yet.

As Relena finally got the courage to look up now she saw her standing in the doorway. Hilde had remained silent while Heero took his leave.

'He must've heard her coming…'

Relena thought, dreading what Hilde would say moreover what she would think about her now. She averted her eyes again when the door closed shut behind him.

'When will I see him again?'

"Relena…"

Her voice was soft, too soft. It made Relena feel guiltier than she already was feeling.

'I never want to see him again.'

She hated her traitorous body that was – had been yearning for him. She would never let him play again with her and her body.

_"I'll see you later, Relena, and I promise we won't be disturbed again." _

Relena closed her eyes wanting to banish those words from her mind.

_"Sorry for not taking better advantage of you that night. I promise I'll make it up with you. Soon. Very soon." _

_"I'll please you soon, sweetheart."_

Treize's last threats spun in her head as she though about him again. She was aware of the tenseness on her face and the knit between her eye brows as she contemplated that the two men could've connection with each other.

'What if Treize has sent Heero to me… but why would he…?'

Hilde suddenly interrupted Relena's train of thoughts by laying her hand gently on her slender shoulder. Her head snapped up to look in Hilde's kind but doubtful eyes.

"I – I'm sorry, Hilde…"

–

She stared down at her friend – her best and dearest friend. Hilde had seen in just one glance that Relena was broken. She'd already seen her break before like this; the day when Hilde confessed that Trowa wasn't alive anymore. It had been a terrible and difficult time for her to tell Relena; for Relena it had been too. But somehow Relena managed to keep herself together and go on with her life. Hilde envied her for that as she still hadn't been able to pick up the thread after _he_ had left her.

She wondered what he had done or said to Relena that he'd landed in her lap. But then Relena had not been completely reluctant enough to stop; she'd let him partially, though not entirely willing with her heart Hilde concluded seeing the mess lying around the table.

When Hilde had noted him arriving in her cabin without knocking or confirming his arrival he'd said he wanted to meet her boss. Hilde had found him unmannered, conceited, self-righteous and particularly arrogant with his head raised up high and looking in contempt around. But before she'd considered this about him she'd found him in the first glance quite attractive and handsome though that didn't mean she was feeling attracted to him and had or would develop feelings for him as her heart was already occupied by someone else.

Hilde sighed as her thoughts were trailing off again. Gently squeezing Relena's shoulder Hilde smiled softly.

"It's OK, Relena; don't feel bad, I can understand."

Though she really hadn't understood her fried when she'd thrown the door wide-open five minutes ago. In utter amazement she'd stared at the back of his navy coloured shirt as he was undeniably sitting on Relena's lap. They both had been immobile and were still staring each other in the eye, paying no attention to the woman standing in the doorway.

Hilde felt that she wasn't present in the room as they didn't turn or look up at her; confirming her presence. Without any warning Hilde saw him bent a little. First she thought he would kiss the girl making Hilde already starting to feel awkward, but to her surprise he bent towards her left ear.

Hilde had vaguely heard him whispering something, but his voice had been too low for her to catch and understand what he was saying. Hilde had only seen her friend flinch at his words. Her eyes widened for a moment in shock before Relena had averted her eyes from him. He'd very long been staring down at her standing in front of the girl sitting in the chair. It'd seemed to last very long like hours, though it wouldn't have been more than half a minute.

As he'd turned around it looked like his chest had become even broader. From pride, she'd thought back then. A satisfied smirk was visible on his countenance; like he'd been wanting for a very long time to see Relena defeated like this. Hilde had been shaking from trying to keep her temper as he stopped aside of her looking again down at her like he was looking at some piece of trash.

"OUT! Yuy, or I'll call the guards and they'll throw you out," she gritted her teeth. His grin only widened as she almost spit the words out in his face.

"No need for that, young lady," he said shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

He turned back to look at the girl he'd been seducing before Hilde interrupted them. Hilde followed his gaze and her eyes softened ass he saw her friend staring out of the window at birds flying high in the bright blue sky. Unconscious that they both were present in her cabin too like her and had been talking.

"Antara…"

Hilde heard him whisper and her gaze went over to his. He looked up at her, to her surprise a look of pain and anguish were in his eyes before he suddenly walked out the cabin and the door fell shut behind him with a thud.

There had been something mysterious about him. Hilde admired the dare he'd had to kiss Relena in her own office though it didn't take his arrogance away. Hilde looked down at Relena who was staring in her lap now, her shoulders slumped down.

"Relena," her strong voice made the blonde wince before she looked up.

As Hilde looked carefully at her now she saw the lipstick was smeared around her lips and how her lips had swollen up. Unmistakably the effect of his kisses. Nor did she miss the red marks on her neck; he must've had suckled at the flesh there. Hilde was astonished to see that even the first buttons of her blouse were still left open.

'What the hell had he been doing to her? If only I noted earlier the noises coming from here.'

Hilde leaned her back on the desk looking straight in her now dimmed blue eyes; she was looking completely exhausted.

"What happened, Relena?" When Relena started to avert her head again to the left, Hilde gently caught her at her chin. Turning her head back she pleaded with her eyes.

"Tell me."

o0o

"Dude! When tha hell did ya come back!" Duo cheered as he looked at his friend standing in the doorway of his mansion.

Heero tilted one eye brow. "Are you gonna invite me in or will you hear me out at your door?" he grinned.

Duo smacked with a hand his forehead jokingly. "Sorry, I can really be a dumbass sometimes. Come in, my friend." Duo beckoned his friend with a hand.

Heero followed Duo down the hallway towards the lounge while he kept chatting ceaselessly and Heero didn't bother to listen to him.

"So… when did ya come back? I thought you were settled abroad."

Heero kept silent for a moment looking at his fingers.

"I've my own reasons for that, Maxwell," he replied in a low voice looking up with his eyes telling Duo better not to meddle in his business and definitely not to ask further.

Duo felt unnerved but then continued with a merry smile on his face.

"You know what, I found girlie!"

"Hilde Schbeiker." Heero said in a bore tone and leaned back on the couch.

Duo's brows shot up in surprise.

"How did ya know?"

A sly grin was visible now on Heero's face as he looked up.

"I know more than you think, much more."

"Wow buddy, I should be really scared now, huh?" Duo uttered trying to make a joke.

"Nah, not you, but a certain somebody…" he replied studying his fingers again.

Duo watched him in confusion before he stood up and made an excuse.

"I'll get something to drink for ya. You must be thirsty in this hot weather of July."

"Like hell," Heero finished, "that bitch of a secretary didn't offer me even a glass of water."

"Huh, what – who?"

"Oh, Relena's secretary."

"Ah, I see… What!" Duo turned in the doorway to glare at his dear friend. "Did you call Hilde a bitch?"

"I was joking."

"…" Duo turned his back to the man on the couch heading to the kitchen.

"Which perfume did you use? Wait." Duo bent over the small table towards Heero as he handed him the cup of coffee. "Hey that's a – women's perfume!"

"So?" Heero said relaxing back and sipping from his drink.

"You never told me you'd a girl. I'm your best friend!" He accused him pouting.

"I never said I had one."

"Then from who is that perfume!"

"Oh… Relena Darlian's."

"WHAT!" Duo's was left hanging by his answer.  
"Close your mouth, Maxwell; it's no pleasure to look in it."

"You… you didn't…"

Heero shot him a look.

"Yeah, I did."

"I don't believe you… Relena would never let."

Heero smirked.

"Then come tomorrow to watch with your own eyes."

* * *

**I've no idea when I will update again as I just receive too less reviews and my exams are on the way. But I've only three weeks more! So I'm glad about that.  
And please review, even if you didn't like this chapter. I've tried my best, I hope you all enjoyed it. And let me now what you like/dislike!  
And thanks for the one who did review! **

Sery


	9. Make me forget

Okay, this chapter is betaed now that's why I'm posting it again .

Sorry, sorry, I know I'm really late. I hope I could make it up with posting the next chapter in two weeks, I really hope.  
And a reply to questions in the reviews: Heero is not some sex-addict or something who would take anyone in his bed. He has a reason _why_ he started kissing her and groping her body. He's not a mad or whatsoever. And the reason for doing this could be anything, he might even like her... And to know more about Heero and his intentions you'll just have to read this story and review. Reviews would be really nice and comments are welcome! And sorry for the Trowa fans as he died, but he stays an import character and will be mentioned many times, in flashbacks too.

I want to thanks all the readers for supporting me with their reviews and of coursemy beta from now on: Alice, I hope she'll keep proofreading my story till the finish!  
Enjoy reading!

* * *

Past Mistakes

Chapter 9 – Make me forget

_"I love you, dad." _

_A sad smile crossed his face as he looked down at her. _

_"I'm not worth your love, Relena." _

Relena stared at the white wall with a blank expression on her face and ignored her question.

"Do you regret something?"

This time her voice sounded firmer though it still patient. Relena looked up at her family doctor. Sally was giving her a piercing look and a small and kind smile floated around her red lips. Relena had never really liked her – but that didn't mean she hated or disliked her. She didn't even know why she didn't like the woman more.

The blonde glanced at Hilde seated in the chair next to hers. She felt her friend nudge her left arm and looked at Hilde, who gestured for her to talk. Relena sighed and rolled her eyes toward Heaven as she hadn't been the one who wanted to come see her family doctor. Hilde had brought her here by force.

"Listen, Relena," Sally spoke softly, placing her hand on Relena's entwined fingers set on the desk. Her hands were soft and warm but oddly Relena felt her hands burn under Sally's fingers.

"I know – we know," she glanced meaningful at Hilde, "what you've been through, and the best way to lighten your heart is to talk. I can help you, Relena. I'm not only your family doctor but a psychiatrist too. And I've known your father for five years."

_"Why wouldn't you be worth my love? You're my dad. You love me," she exclaimed__wrapping__ her arms around the man's neck and looking up at him hopefully, wanting him to say that she was right; he was her dad and he loved her. _

_"I hurt your mother," was Darlian's soft reply. _

_"It was her own fault," the fifteen-year-old girl softly uttered, not knowing the entire truth. _

_"If only I'd known better… if only…" _

_"But you didn't." _

Brusquely Relena pulled her hands back. Sally looked mildly surprised but didn't say anything as she retrieved her hand as well. She looked at Relena like she has all the time in the world to wait for her answer. If Sally was growing impatient, she hid it perfectly. But Hilde didn't. Relena felt her nudged her bare arm again, this time harder and more demanding.

"Sally... I..." Relena swallowed.

_"If I'd been more aware, your mother wouldn't have committed suicide. She was strong, Relena, only not strong enough anymore to face her problems."_

"I know it's not easy to talk about your pain, your nightmares and your past... Tell me something about your father or mother," Relena heard Sally vaguely saying.

She felt Hilde squeeze her shoulder gently. Sally leaned over the white desk towards Relena. Her eyes were full of concern and sympathy.

"Then tell me about your fiancé. Trowa. If it's easier. How was he like? How much did he love you and how did he show his love for you?"

"Trowa..." Relena breathed. His name suddenly sounded strange on her lips.

_Relena heard muffled voices coming from the living room. She frowned, wondering who was inside. Was Pagan on the phone? She looked around the hallway and realized that the lights were switched off._

_'Weird...'_

_But she could see the light coming from the living room at the end of the hallway through the crack under the door. She approached the door curiously and even a little fearfully. Who was in the living room?_

_'Thieves...?'_

_She laid her ear against the cold door trying to catch what the quiet voices were saying._

_"Is she here?"_

_"Shhh, Hilde, she'll hear us."_

_'Hell,' Relena thought retreating from the door and frowning, 'What are Hilde and Trowa doing inside in my house during the evening? Not...'_

_She heard their voices again but this time accompanied by two others. No, three - four voices. Confused, Relena inhaled deeply before pulling the door open._

_First she didn't see anything but the glaring light. Suddenly a tall shadow fell covered her._

_Trowa._

_"Hey, little princess," He leaned forward, looking into her amazed eyes before he uttered softly: "Happy birthday, love."_

_Even more surprised, Relena stared back at him speechlessly._

_"You remembered?" she could only manage to say those two words. Still in disbelief, Relena felt tears start to gather in her eyes._

_"No, sweetie, WE remembered!" Hilde said merrily. _

_Relena's gaze left Trowa's face and saw Hilde standing to his left, smirking mysteriously._

_"And look what we've done..." she announced proudly as they stepped aside, unblocking Relena's view for the first time since she stepped into the room. _

_Relena was stunned and rendered speechless once again by the amazing sight. The room was decorated with festoons and streamers, and the floor was littered with balloons. Blue balloons. Light blue, exactly the colour of her eyes. In the center of the room was a large table, on top of which was a big, white cake; seated around the table were her friends, all grinning at her._

_Something ached inside as it struck her that this was her first birthday without her father. She closed her eyes and struggled against the tears. She wouldn't cry. No, especially not today._

_She felt Trowa gently grab her hand and bring it up. Her eyes snapped open as she felt Trowa slide something onto her finger. She stared at the diamond ring sparkling on her left hand for a long time before she gazed up at him, not entirely understanding what had just happened. He pulled her close with a smile and kissed her on the lips._

_"Happy 18th birthday, princess. From now on you'll be mine alone."_

Sally tilted her head upon hearing Relena whisper his name softly and insecurely. The hazy look in her eyes made Sally question further. Inwardly Relena was crying for her to stop talking, stop asking her things she wanted to forget. It was all too hard recalling those things. Those memories she never seemed to forget. And she didn't want to think about 'it'. In fact she has been hiding now for a year. It was unbearable, not telling someone and having it concealed in her heart. She tried hard to not think about, not remember it but her efforts were futile. It kept haunting her; always occupying her mind. Now she knew how her mother must have felt.

Several times Relena had considered telling Hilde or Trowa... but then, how would they think of her mother and moreover, of her? Would they have accepted her? A quiet voice in her mind has always told her they would accept her, but another voice always shouted over quiet voice convincing her that the no one would ever accept it.

"What's a special memory you have of Trowa?" Sally's voice interrupted her thoughts for the umpteenth time in the past half an hour.

'So many,' Relena thought, suddenly feeling guilty for what she had been doing yesterday with a man in her own cubicle, a man she hardly knew. She was shameful of it now. Relena sighed, for a moment unaware of the presence of two other women in the brightly lit room. She noted that at her sigh Sally began to scrawl something in the yellow file lying in front of the doctor. Relena had no idea what she was writing, as Sally's writing was too indistinct for her to read. But whatever it was, it wouldn't help Sally much if Relena wouldn't start talking.

Relena was determined not to tell her a thing, because her voice would fail her and the lump in her throat wouldn't allow her to say anything anyway.

"What did he mean to you?" Relena saw her lips form the words. Relena was surprised when she heard herself answering.

"After Hilde, everything."

Relena saw Sally nod her head at the reply rather slowly, as if she understood the blonde and her answer completely. Like she knew how Relena felt and what she had been through and what was going on now. But Sally didn't know. She couldn't know that Relena felt shameful, hurt, lost and even deceived by all those who had left her behind.

She heard Hilde sigh in relief that she had at least said something back. But Relena wasn't relieved. At that moment, she only wanted to get out of Sally's clinic.

Feeling as if the room was becoming smaller with every passing second, the white walls imprisoning her, Relena felt that she couldn't even breathe properly. Anything could happen and she would never share the burden that so heavily rested on her chest with her family doctor. She had always been uncomfortable when Sally stared at her like she knew everything but only wanted to hear it from her. Like she wanted to see her suffer. Unwittingly Relena shivered.

'No, of course she wouldn't want to see me in pain… she's my family doctor. Besides, what would she achieve?'

But Relena didn't want help. She could sort her problems out by herself, like she had been doing since she had been thirteen. Besides, she had Hilde and…

'Who?'

The name hovered on her lips, making her tense.

"Do you have someone else besides Hilde?" Sally's voice interrupted her train of thoughts again. Relena's head shot up to look at her, her words slowly registering in her head. Maybe she really is a psychiatrist since she knew what Relena was thinking right then. Relena felt tension rise in her spine as Sally watched her, waiting for a response.

'I'm tired.'

Unconsciously her shoulders slumped down, her eyelids half closed. She had to get out of here. Now. Sally opened her mouth again, but before she could speak a word Relena brusquely stood up. Glancing briefly at Hilde, she rushed out of the room with her heart beating wildly.

'I should never have come.'

She heard Hilde call after her, but Relena didn't and couldn't stop. She even heard the dark-haired woman mumble sorry to the doctor and then the tapping sound of heels on the floor following her. Hilde caught up to her when she was outside the large building taking a deep breath of fresh, cool June-morning air. Suddenly she felt Hilde grasp her arm and with a tug she turned Relena around to face her.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" Hilde shouted, glowering at Relena dangerously.

She looked angry. Hilde didn't wait for a reply but continued yelling at her friend in the middle of the street. Right then Relena didn't mind her yelling at all. It had been too long since someone had yelled at her to knock some sense into her.

"You were sitting there like a corpse! For god's sake… You hardly moved and didn't even answer her questions… Okay, you answered one," Hilde resumed, softer now.

A worried look appeared on her face as she softly squeezed Relena's hand in hers.

"Why did you leave so suddenly? Do you have any idea how Sally must have felt? She wants to help you, Relena. If you won't talk about it to me, at least talk to Sally."

A long silence fell between them as Hilde's intense gaze remained on Relena.

"Hilde… I don't need her… nor any other person or psychiatrist. I only need you and Heero."

The name slipped off of her tongue before she'd even realized it. Shocked, she stared at Hilde.

'What have I said just now?'

Relena felt awkward and even ashamed under Hilde's doubtful gaze. Hilde was pondering what she should say but she knew Relena wasn't ready for this talk, just like yesterday.

_"What happened, Relena? Tell me." _

_There was no avoiding it now. Relena took a deep breath and words formed before she could consider what she was going to say. _

_"Nothing… he – he played with me, my body and I with myself. That's all." _

_Abruptly she stood up, avoiding Hilde's wide eyes and walked unsteadily over to the door that led to the bathroom. She felt Hilde's eyes on her back the whole way until she closed the door behind her. _

"Relena…"

"I need some time, Hilde, please," Relena pleaded, her mind blank, "give me some time to think. I'm just confused."

o0o

'Confused? Yeah, I'm pretty confused.'

"Is that all I have to mail to Binchey Enterprises?"

"Um, yeah." Relena responded thumbing through a file and not glancing up even once.

Hilde sighed silently as she watched her boss trying to keep herself busy.

'Pretty damn muddled all right. Acting like nothing has happened this morning in Sally's clinic or yesterday with that guy.'

She rolled her eyes before closing her notebook in which she had recorded – in big lines – what Relena had been repeating for the past ten minutes: a short message for Binchey.

Hilde had been surprised when they arrived in the office and Relena behaved normally.

'Except for avoiding my eyes the entire time.'

Well, it was her way of coping with her problems and even unwanted feelings. Sometimes Hilde felt guilty for envying Relena for her wealth. But Hilde had parents who always loved her and were still living, while Relena had a horrible childhood, being neglected by her parents and soon losing them both. And now even the man she'd loved so dearly had committed suicide.

It was something very hard to believe. Hilde had never thought Trowa would consider ending his own life, much less do it. He had been too happy and carefree to do something like that. Yet, he had killed himself. The exact reason was unknown to Hilde but she had heard that he suffered a great loss in his business and had too many debts he couldn't repay. How he'd succeeded in keeping his debts a secret was something that Hilde would never be able to figure out.

It hurt to think about him. She'd known him much longer than Relena had and it was difficult for her to think about the moments she had shared with Trowa, especially one that was extremely hard to forget. And to hide it from Relena, who was his fiancée and her closest friend, was even more terrible than recalling those events. But it's all history now, right?

Hilde closed her eyes, drowning again in guilt. It was hard to forget the things you wanted to forget. The more desperately you try to shun them from your mind the more clearly you recollect them.

Hilde stroked her forehead gently. Suddenly she felt someone else's hand covering hers. Her eyes snapped open, knowing at once whose hand it was. She hadn't expected to meet him again so soon.

His face was serious as she looked up at him. His hand slowly retreated to the pocket of his cream trousers. He stared quietly down at the woman sitting behind the large white desk.

"I want to talk to you, Hilde."

"I'm expecting someone else." she said, her throat tight, relieved that she had a good excuse for once.

He seemed to be thinking about something as he looked down at her. She was again amazed by his beautiful, blond hair that shone golden in the bright light. His handsome face and blue eyes were set with determination. Hilde wondered if cheaters were always handsome.

"Is the one you're going to meet more important than me?"

Hilde wondered if he would be jealous if she told him she was going out for lunch with Duo. He probably would.

"Duo?" she said as nonchalantly as possible. She didn't miss the moment when his eyes narrowed upon hearing the name pass from her lips. Jealous, huh? "Yes, he's more important to me than you now." Two years ago she wouldn't even have bothered to look at someone other than Quatre.

"Do you love him?" he asked her hesitantly.

Love? Looking up at Quatre she couldn't deny she still felt something for him. But was it still love?

"No… but I do feel something for him. I don't know if I could call it love." she answered honestly and saw some of the tension leave his face and his shoulders relax slowly.

"Listen Hilde, I know I did wrong - I've hurt you, but please let me explain."

"No," she said bluntly before his words fully registered in her mind.

For the only time since she has known him she saw all patience fade from his face. His lips are a thin line now; she has never seen him angry like this before. Actually she has never seen him get angry. Upset, sad – yes, but furious? No. With two quick steps he circled around her desk. His hand seized her wrist and pulled her forcefully to her feet. She was so utterly surprised by his unexpected actions that she even didn't bother to object when he pulled her out of her cubicle.

But Quatre wasn't doing anything mindlessly, because he took care to pick her bag up from the desk. Hilde's mind was blank as she let him drag her through the office - everyone looked up at them but this time Quatre didn't mind the eyes of the staff - pull her to the elevator at the end of the long corridor. Once in the elevator, Quatre got his breathing back and Hilde her wits. As she looked over at Quatre - who was staring intensely at her - she recalled the last time when they were alone in an elevator. The memory made her shiver.

'No, forget those memories. It's history now. Erase. Erase.'

Her tongue felt too thick and she couldn't ask him where he was taking her. But even if she'd been able to talk she knew she wouldn't have wanted to ask him. After a very long time she felt warm inside as his hand was still holding hers, firmly, securely. How long had it been since he held her hand like this? She glanced up at him; his gaze was focused on the doors in front of them now. What was he thinking?

o0o

"Quatre, where have you brought me?"

After Quatre dragged her into a big mansion - her small house could fit into it at least ten times - Hilde finally found her voice. Quatre remained silent, ignoring her questions. He almost dragged her up a long flight of stairs that seemed to have no end. Strangely, she loved the way he was pulling her by her wrist and ignoring her demands for an answer.

At the landing he hauled her to a door and swung it open. He tugged her inside the room and finally let go when they passed the threshold. Hilde opened her mouth, wanting to yell at him to ask what he hopes to achieve by bringing her here when she noticed that two other people were present in the room.

Warily she looked around the room. Her eyes fell on a large framed picture on the wall to her left. It was a family portrait taken not more than four years ago. Quatre and his brother were standing behind a very expensive mahogany bench on which their parents were sitting. The picture exuded the essence of a peaceful and happy family, not to mention affluent. There was no doubt this was Quatre's house - his parents house.

He had never brought her here before, so why now of all times?

Out of the corner of her eyes she saw him moving towards the two others sitting with their backs to her on white chintz chairs, enjoying the sunlight that flowed into the room through large windows. Quatre knelt down by one, presumably a woman as she had long blonde hair.

"Mother..." she heard Quatre's voice.

Baffled, she stared at the back of the chair. Was this his mother? But then why... why did he want her to meet his parents? He had never introduced her to them; she must have asked him a thousand times, but he always said he was waiting for the right moment. Was this than the right moment? When he was already engaged to another and even the wedding date was set?

Hilde saw him motion for her to come over to him. With a heavy heart, she approached Quatre, her eyes fixed on him.

"Hilde," Quatre looked up at her, his eyes glistening, "can you see now why I couldn't refuse?"

As Hilde looked down at the couple sitting on chintz chairs next to one another she couldn't see why his decision had been to accept the proposal. His parents were looking perfectly normal and staring out the windows, enjoying the view of centre London. They looked slightly older than they had in the picture on the wall but still healthy. So what...

Her breathing stopped for a few seconds when Hilde finally realized they were not completely normal. Vaguely she heard Quatre talk to her while his hands still held onto his mother's hand.

"It happened after an accident... they can't move, can't talk, can't feel anything that touches their skin," he took a deep breath like he was trying to hold back tears. Wordlessly Hilde laid her hand on his shoulder. "But they can hear us, see us. They seem dead, but are actually alive."

He stood up abruptly and took her hand between his hands.

"Do you understand, Hilde? Please... can you comprehend now why I couldn't say no?"

"Why…" Hilde paused, searching for the right words, "they're your parents – you are their youngest son. They love you even more than your older brother Qasim... Why didn't they force him to marry her if they liked her that much?

Quatre snorted but his eyes were holding still a sad look. "Qasim? He went his own way; we even don't know where he is now. He married someone he loved."

"But then-"

"My father gave him nothing from his property. He has no shares in our business, but the woman he married was very rich."

'So why can't you marry me if you love me that much. Even your brother married the one he loved.' Hilde thought scornfully but knew better than to say it to him.

Remembering again why she had been so upset with him, Hilde suddenly slipped her hand away from between his. He looked mildly surprised.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" she repeated his words. Hilde felt the need to yell at him. Was he really this naive or could he act that damn well? "What do you want from me now, Quatre? I know you won't break your engagement, so why are you telling me this?" She knew she sounded desperate now, but didn't care because all she wanted was for him to come back to her, though she knew it was impossible. Amazed, he stared at Hilde'.

"I want to be with you, Hilde. I love you."

Three simple words. What an effect they have on a person.

"You want me to be your mistress while you're engaged to be married? Do you want me to be the _other_ woman in a relationship?"

"No," Quatre replied softly, taking a step towards her. Before she even knew what was happening he enclosed her in his arms and held her against his chest. For a moment she was too stunned to do or to feel anything. When she felt his hands resting on her back reassuringly and his voice whispering in her ear: "Everything is going to be fine, Hilde... I only want you to be mine," she could do but one thing: cry.

She wanted desperately to believe his words, that everything was going to be fine, but Hilde knew one thing for sure: it was never going to be the same again.

o0o

'I thought you were strong, Trowa.'

Relena stared at Trowa's picture she held in her hand.

'How could you be so mean to leave me here alone again? Didn't you think even once about me, how I would feel? Why did you tell me then to be strong, to bravely face all problems that would cross my path? Why-'

She heard suddenly a knock on her door but before she could answer the door was opened. She was surprised not to see Hilde but someone else step in. Heero. Quickly she hid her former fiancé's picture in a drawer. She had been waiting for his arrival, though she didn't know why. Perhaps because she wanted to ask him about what he did to her yesterday? Had he found her pretty or maybe even sexy or had his initiative been something else? Moreover, she wanted to ask him about her father.

She had a strange feeling that he had known her dad. But the real reason why she'd wanted to see him again was something that went beyond craving and lust. She wanted him tosoothe her, alleviate the ache in her body and her heart and make her forget everything she wanted to forget. Everything.

Was she mad for wishing this?

Her conscience says yes, but her heart says no.

Relena saw him move towards the windows, his attention directed toward a point in the sky.

"Won't you call the guards to throw me out?"

She could hear the mocking tone of his voice. She knew she should be calling the guards, but strangely her body refused to obey.

She had to know why he was doing this and who he was; she would go crazy if she didn't ask him.

"Who are you?"

When he turned around she saw that he was sneering at her for this silly question.

"How could you forget my name so soon, Relena Darlian?"

'Heero Yuy, damn you!'

"Why did you, well... do that to me yesterday?"

'Ugh, that was difficult.'

He raised an eye brow at that.

"Why I did do what?" he scoffed at her.

Relena cast her eyes down, feeling uncomfortable under his stare. Now she wanted him to go to hell because he was making fun of her and she was scared of him now. She once again saw hunger in his eyes she had seen once before. He crossed the distance between the window and her chair. She gulped, feeling her heartbeat increase as he bent over her and placed both hands on the arms of her chair. His face was merely inches from hers. She was suddenly aware of how quickly her blood was rushing through her veins; the butterflies in her stomach were flying around restlessly. She felt his breath on her face.

"You really are a curious girl."

'Oh god.' Relena thought, trying to swallow as she saw his head coming closer and closing the distance between their lips.

"Hey, Relena, where is... hell..."

Their heads jerked around as they saw Duo standing in the doorway looking completely stunned.

"Um, sorry, I..." He turned beet red under Heero's glare.

Annoyed, Heero ran his hand through his hair and stood upright again.

"Uh, Heero, I needed to talk to you."

Heero glanced at Relena who had already averted her gaze from him. She was relieved that Duo had come in at the right moment. But why was she also disappointed?

o0o

"What do you want to discuss?"

"Uh, nothing," Duo said as the door of Relena's room shut behind them. Heero glared at him as they both headed for the exit.

"Thanks for ruining my moment, Duo."

"Huh, I ruined your moment?" Duo scratched the back of his head with his hand. "I thought I just saved a pretty girl from a bad guy."

"... You're saying I'm the villain?"

"In this case, yes, you're."

"What?"

"You ruined my plan, Maxwell." Heero pressed the elevator button for the ground floor.

"Plan? What kind of plan?"

" Forget it."

"No, tell me," Duo insisted.

"Not now. Another time."

"When?" Duo demanded crossing his arms.

"When you grow some brains." Heero stepped out of the elevator when they reached the ground floor.

"Oh, okay... Hey, I already have them!"

Heero unlocked his car while grinning at Duo.

"You've a big empty head, not brains, Duo."


	10. I never knew you

**I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and review my story, and of course my beta Alice!**

**Love,  
Sery**

**---**

Past Mistakes

Rate: M

Disclaimer: yeah, I don't own Gundam Wing

Chapter 10 – I never knew you

She had read in novels that love - true love was for all time. And pure. You never stop loving the person until death. But lust was temporary; it stays for a period and ends after having sex. Heero was definitely not in love with her, he merely craved for her in lust. Nothing more. And after he had her he would disappear from her life, without a farewell, as abruptly he had entered in her life.

Relena sighed, the thought of never seeing him again irking her, creating unbearable tension.

Why?

How long did she know him? Merely two days. Why had these intense feelings arisen in her? It was a mixture of emotions that went through her body.

She hated him; his arrogance, his ability to drive her crazy with his touch, his mocking of her, his behaviour in general.

She was also scared by the hunger in his eyes, his unpredictable movements and his words.

_"I'll see you later, Relena. And I promise we won't be disturbed again."_

She shivered as she remembered his words and dark eyes. Even now she could feel his touch in places where even Trowa had never touched before. The soft yet forceful feeling of his lips against hers was unforgettable too. A few times she even caught herself brushing her fingers against her lips.

Aside from the hate and fear Relena felt when she thought about him or saw him, she loved his eyes, his unruly hair, his rough hands and his lips.

Did she want him to use her? No, definitely not. In the past two days she discovered parts of her mind that she never knew existed. Sometimes she would yearn for him and other moments she didn't want him to touch her ever again. And the guilt grew every time she thought of Trowa.

Hilde had said that the police never found his body and gave up hope. He had gone to the west coast of Spain where he leapt from the cliffs into the ocean's brutal waves. The investigators believed that either his body drifted too far away or was consumed by the predators of the sea, and will never be found. But what if…

Although Relena knew there was no way Trowa could have survived, she secretly hoped that he was still alive. How would she be able to face him then? She knew she never could. It was silly of her to think that Trowa could be alive; she knew she would see him again, look at his beautiful, ice-melting smile and his jade eyes,or feel his hands on her. To her, it felt like a dream – a terrible nightmare, but it was the harsh reality. He had betrayed her.

Relena had sometimes wanted to tear his picture into small pieces, like she is doing now, but before her hands could mindlessly ruin the photo her heart stopped her. Relena can't forget the person she loved for two years in only two weeks time. She needed more time and some distraction. Heero's arrival was exactly that – something to divert her from her grief.

Relena stared at Trowa's picture and heaved a sigh. Everyday, she would pick up his photo numerous times, stare at it, recall memories, feel remorse and pain before she hid it again in a drawer or put it under her pillow. After his death she removed all his because it hurt to see her former fiancé's face knowing she would never see him alive again. And she had been angry at him – still was – for leaving her behind.

Why didn't he take her with him?

Just like the countless other times during the past two weeks, Relena put his photo in the drawer of her small bedside table feeling miserable. She wondered if she would spend the rest of her life like this, staring at the picture of her lost love, utterly alone with only a butler who hadn't more than twenty years to live to keep her company.

'Hilde will get married to Quatre or Duo or some other lucky man but I won't. Heero certainly isn't after marriage and I'm determined to find out why he's doing this with me. The only problem is how? Yesterday he didn't want to tell me anything except that I was a curious girl,' Relena mused as her thoughts wandered back to the dark-haired man.

She was sure she didn't love him. No. Yet she was afraid of falling for the handsome stranger in the future.

The doorbell rang.

'Must be Hilde.'

They had agreed to meet at her house at eight for one of those usual chats that they've had since before Trowa's incident...

"Hey."

The blonde looked up from her sitting position on the side of the bed with her bare feet touching the expensive and cold viny.

"Hilde," Relena smiled warmly.

Hilde stood in the doorway looking tired.

"Is something wrong?"

The brunette had told her what happened with Quatre the day before, albeit omitting certain details. Relena knows only that Quatre had come and taken her with him. Hilde had been hesitant to divulge anything else, so Relena hadn't pushed her; she would wait until Hilde is ready to tell her more.

o0o

"What are you going to do now?"

Hilde stared gloomily at her lap as she sat opposite Relena on the bed. She was in an inner conflict. Should she trust Quatre again or should she just forget him and move on with her life?

"Have you thought about Duo?" Relena's voice interrupted her musings.

"No," Hilde answered honestly. She hadn't thought about him, not even once. How could she be so selfish? She shook her head. Love made you selfish. "Duo proposed me just the other day," she sighed and felt Relena shift her weight on the mattress.

"What did you say then?"

"That I needed time. He was okay with that."

Relena kept silent. It was Hilde's choice; she has to decide if she wans to Quatre return to her life. But Relena wanted to make sure that she was fully aware of the consequences of her decision.

"Is Quatre going to break his engagement?"

"No," Hilde replied softly, noting Relena's wide eyes at her answer. "He doesn't know what he's going to do, but he said he loved me... and he would try to find way out for us so we can be together." She added the last part quietly.

Relena bit her lower lip, not knowing what to say. Hilde's palms were covered in a sheen of sweat, visible even in the dimly lit room.

Should she take Quatre's side or Duo's? When she hadn't known that Duo liked Hilde,she would have chosen Quatre because he was the only one Relena found suitable and capable for her friend at the moment. But shouldn't Duo be given a chance to prove himself?

"Don't you care about Duo? He has helped you many times in the past and spent so much time with you… Won't you give him a chance, Hilde? You've given Quatre plenty of chances. It's not fair for Duo."

Relena just hoped she'd said the right thing and didn't upset Hilde any further.

"Maybe you're right," Hilde's voice was uneven and she sounded like she wasn't totally convinced but didn't have the strength to continue their discussion. "I've done so many wrong things, Relena, made so many decisions that weren't right in the least." Her eyes were glassy as she turned to Relena but didn't dare meet her eyes. "If you only knew…and how it would hurt you."

Relena felt her throat becoming completely dry in a matter of seconds. What the hell was Hilde talking about? A few locks obscured Hilde's face as she lowered her head again and resumed staring at her lap.

"I – I don't get it, Hilde… What are you trying to say? You havve never hurt me – or even tried to –"

"I didn't want to," Hilde's cheeks were flushed and her voice was barely above a whisper.

Relena's attention was drawn to her friend's hands, which were repeating the motions of clasping together and unclasping time after time. She seemed restless. Maybe she was talking about Duo?

"It's OK, Hilde, I –"

She was cut off short as Hilde cried a desperate 'No!' and buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook slightly. Was she crying? Tears began to collect in Relena's eyes merely at the sight of her friend. She could never control her tears when she saw someone close to her crying. She reached out cautiously and gently placed a hand on Hilde's trembling shoulders. Hilde's voice was muffled by her hand palms and as she muttered, Relena was only able to catch a few phrases.

"It's not… Trowa… you don't… I feel so…"

"Shhh, I don't care, Hilde. Don't tell me.Ever."

She wrapped her arms around Hilde and hugged her tightly. She had no idea what Hilde was talking about but she didn't want to know.

"_Some secrets are better left untold_."

Her father had told her once and unfortunately, she found out why just a few days before is death.

Hilde calmed somewhat, to Relena's relief.

"I'm sorry," her voice was almost inaudible. "I –"

She was interrupted when someone cleared his throat. Relena slowly pulled away from her friend and looked at Pagan, standing at the threshold of her room in his tidy black suit. He coughed again.

"Sorry to disturb you, Miss Relena, but there's someone waiting for you in the living room."

'At eleven PM?'

Relena glanced at the elegant wooden clock on the opposite wall. She massaged left temple gently, feeling a headache coming up.

"Can't he or she wait until tomorrow?"

Pagan walked in slowly, swiftly collected the two empty mugs and placed them on the tray he had been holding under his arm.

"No, she said it was urgent and that she wanted to talk to you. Alone," he informed Relena.

"What was her name?"

Hilde was already getting up from the bed but Relena halted her by laying a hand on her shoulder.

"She didn't say. She wants to talk to no one but you. I've never seen her before." Pagan bowed and walked away. At the door he called over his shoulder: "She was… different, though. She wasn't ready to tell me a thing and looked nervous. Oh and…well ,she was dressed quite fancily."

'By different he meant weird,' Relena sighed, 'and dressed fancily? He's making me really curious… but what a rude woman to call at such an hour.'

"Sorry, Hilde, guess she doesn't want 'unnecessary people' around."

'But why not?' Relena pondered.

Was she someone who had known her father, mother or maybe… Trowa?

"Yeah… I'll see you tomorrow then," Hilde paused. "I think I'm going to drop in on Duo. I think he's angry with me because I missed our lunch date and didn't even call him."

Relena nodded. "It'll cheer him up."

She was surprised that Hilde had agreed so quickly to spend more time with Duo. It was crystal clear that Hilde hadn't forgotten Quatre. But what kind of a life would she have if she gave in to Quatre's wishes? She would be a lonely woman if he didn't want children, too afraid that their relationship will be discovered. Their relationship would have to remain a secret to all of the world and especially his wife. What sort of life would that be? Even when she dies, the man for whom she led such a miserable life couldn't admit that he loved her.

Relena shivered at the thought of how Hilde's life would be if she went back to th blond man. She wouldn't let that happen to her, definitely not.

'And I...'

It was like a large hand squeezed her heart roughly, thoroughly and ruthlessly. Wasn't she the one who would end up lonely in a large and empty house? She wasn't sure if she could love anyone else as much as she had loved Trowa. Whatever feelings Heero had evoked, it was definitely not love... but what was it then?

No, she has to stop thinking. Thinking was bad, at least when it's about Heero.

"Come, I'll walk you out."

They lapsed into silence as they went down the flight of stairs. Relena's mind was occupied by questions like the identity of the woman sitting in her living room. Maybe she was being anxious for no reason at all. She was probably just a relative or a friend of her father's, or perhaps one of her former classmates. That was highly probable; it could never be... nah.

"I don't think you should keep your guest waiting any longer, Relena."

"Hmm?" Relena's head jerked up, "Oh, sorry Hilde, my thoughts were somewhere else."

Relena smiled sheepishly and turned her head to the left just in time to see Hilde sigh heavily next to her. Short blue locks fell over her small, bright face.

"You always seem to be somewhere else, Relena, in your fantasy world with prince charming."

Hilde rolled her eyes and realised too late the meaning of her words. Relena fought against the lump rising in her throat. She would have to get over Trowa someday. How much longer was she going to cry and mourn for a love that no longer existed? She faked her best smile and let out a small chuckle. It was hollow and too high to be sincere.

"That's me, Hilde," Relena answered through her constricted throat and held the front door open for Hilde. "I think you should go now before Duo goes to sleep."

She saw the dark-haired woman bite her lip, trying to say something but all that came out was a goodbye. Relena shook her head as she walked back to the living room, somewhat excited and fearful for who she would meet there. She drew in a deep breath before turning around the corner and stepping in the largest room of her mansion.

The woman sitting there noticed Relena's presence immediately. She had been sitting on one of the green sofas and upon seeing Relena, the woman stood up at once.

Relena studied her curiously. Pagan wasn't too wrong about her attire. She was wearing a short - too short in her opinion – skirt in a glaring shade of purple. The fierce colour was hurting her eyes. The skirt covered only her rear and left a good view of her long, slender legs. On top she was wearing a small, red tank top that highlighted her perfectly-shaped breasts.

A black dragon was printed on the left side of her tank top, making her look glamorous while giving her a dangerous aura. Wavy reddish-brown hair fell over her shoulders. She had a small, pretty face, with thin lips, a small nose and large eyes.

Relena blinked. Were her eyes green or was it just her imagination of the light? She blinked again and again but the woman's eyes remained the same colour: green.

'So?'

Hilde had been right; she was just living in her own dream world. So what if this lady had green eyes, it didn't meant anything, it just…

'Made me remember someone…'

Suddenly Relena realized how rudely she had been gawking at her guest since she stepped into the room .

'How uncomfortable have I made her? Stupid me.'

"Please sit down," Relena gestured with her hand, conjuring up a smile.

The woman smiled back gently, looking ill at ease. Pagan hadn't been lying when he said she was slightly timid. She could be anxious about something, or maybe she was just a nervous and reserved person.

The other woman watched charily as Relena took a seat on the sofa opposite her. Relena also watched her carefully, not wanting to miss any signals that her body and face gave off. She was sure she had never seen her before. She had attended countless gatherings and party since her fourteenth birthday at her father's insistence, but had never seen her. Such conspicuous red-brown hair she wouldn't forget or miss easily.

Impatiently Relena waited for the woman to tell her story. She could tell that her intense gazing had made her guest even more uneasy. The woman avoided Relena's eyes. Instead she grabbed the small, shiny silver bag from her side and placed it on her lap.

Long, slender fingers with vivid red nails opened the bag before disappearing for a moment in it. Strangely, the long, slender fingers reminded her of someone.

'Trowa…'

Relena shook her head but before she could tell herself to stop recalling his memories her attention was drawn to the small bag. A crease formed between Relena's eyebrows as she saw that the woman held an envelope. Finally the woman looked up at her. Her sad eyes startled Relena.

Who was she?

Wordlessly she held the envelope out to Relena, stretching her bare arm. With some apprehension and curiosity Relena accepted the envelope and looked up at the woman questioningly.

"I came to deliver this to you."

She gestured at the envelop with her hand. Relena glanced down at it before shifting her focus back to the woman, and the again to the envelope.

Was she supposed to open it now?

She turned the envelope in her hands but it was blank. There was nothing written on it.

What was in it?

Relena looked up at the woman once again, but saw that she was busy studying her red polished nails. 'She was waiting for me to open and read it', Relena realized. Anxiety washed over her as she slowly and cautiously opened the envelope. A folded piece of paper was the only content.

Her hands tremble as she stared at the letters on the paper dancing in front of her eyes. She recognized the handwriting immediately. That slanting writing with the graceful g's and j's could only be Trowa's handwriting. Her throat closed up and with a heavy heart her teary eyes skimmed over the lines. It was dated a day before his died.

_7th July 2045 _

_My dearest Relena, _

_I'm sorry. _

_I know I've put you in all this trouble and pain. I'm extremely sorry for this. My princess, life never goes as we wish. You receive this letter after my death has been confirmed. I know you have thousands of questions to ask, and sadly, I won't be able to answer them all. _

_Why I decided to end my life is a long and difficult story. I can only tell you that I am just a normal human being. Like all others I had desires and wishes. And I wanted to keep you happy, my little princess. I wanted to do everything that your father never had done, give you my love and anything you longed for. I think I went too far to achieve that goal. _

_I never wanted to tell you Relena, but I think it's better for you to hear it from me than any other person (I hope no one has told you). _

_I committed fraud. _

_Yes, Relena, you're reading it right. I am a fraud and I stole money from others. I suffered no loss in business or any debts. I cheated people. Please, don't hate me, my princess. I never intended to reveal this to you, but I'm sure stories of my fraudulent behaviour will soon be spread through the streets of London and the rest of the country. I had no choice but to end m own life. The FBI was on my heels. I know I've fallen in your eyes by leaving you alone and even more so now that you know the reason of it. _

_But please try to understand that I did all thisl for you – for us. Relena, I've never loved anyone else as much as I've loved you. You're an amazing girl. I hope you'll always remember me with a smile on you lips and may you find a better and stronger man than me. _

_And please forgive me. _

_I'll always love you, my little princess. _

_Yours, _

_Trowa._

'Forgive you, forgive you… forget it Trowa!'

Relena clutched the letter with both hands and held it against her heaving chest.

'Why did you never tell me, why didn't you trust me?'

She felt sick, terriblly sick and guilty. Her common sense tells her that she could have done nothing but as always, her heart refuses to listen when it comes to Trowa.

'What did I know about you?

Suddenly she seemed to be hollow and empty inside. He had known everything about her but what had he told her about himself and his family?

_"I've no family, not anymore." _

He had told her once. She recalled that something in his eyes had changed when he said that. He had quickly changed the subject, and Relena never mentioned it again for fear of upsetting him.

"I should have given this to you earlier but I had some problems of my own."

A sudden voice reminded Relena that she wasn't alone.

And she HAD to know who she was. Now. Relena looked the woman straight in the eye.

"Who – who are you?"

"I… actually I shouldn't tell," the woman hesitated, making Relena even more anxious. "But now that he's no longer with us I think you may know," she sighed clasping her hands together.

"My name is Catherine Bloom… I'm – was Trowa's sister."


	11. Antara Nightclub

Rate: M

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I don't own Gundam Wing...

I want to thank my beta, Alice and everyone who takes their time to read this and review! Thanx all, sorry for the delay bytheway, AND if you ever want me to update this story again you've to tell me! I've already decided not to work on this story anymore, only reviews could make me change my mind!!!

* * *

Chapter 11 – Antara Nightclub

The name of the club glittered brightly atop the large building.

Antara.

Relena looked out the window of her car at the building. She _had_ to go in, though she was scared and nervous. For the past fifteen minutes she sat in her car trying to gather enough courage to go inside. But so far her courage has only lessened and her hands were even clammy.

'Why did I come here?'

Relena sighed and peered at the digital clock next to the steering wheel. 11.34 PM

She had to meet Catherine and she must do that in the club. She also wanted to ask her about the keys. Relena was sure she would have the keys to Trowa's house. She was his sister after all. His sister…

Relena closed her eyes and laid back in the comfortable leather seat. Her eye brows furrowed. Catherine claimed that she was his sister, but Relena still had doubts, though she knew that the letter Catherine had given her was authetic. It was in _his_ handwriting. She just thought it odd that even in his last letter Trowa didn't mention having a sister named Catherine.

Relena bit her thumb gently. If she wanted know the truth about Catherine and her relationship to her former fiance she had to go inside the night club. It was the only way. Catherine had revealed little about her current situation and herself. And the only place Relena could find Catherine at was where she worked, since she didn't know where she lived..

Drawing in a deep breath Relena opened the car door.

Though it was summer the night air felt chilly on her skin. She wrapped the belt of her trench coat tighter around her slender body and headed towards the night club.

Relena didn't frequent discos or clubs, it was just not her thing. She disliked the inebriated people there, the loud music and the constant haze surrounding the clubs.

But Hilde did.

Relena wondered why she hadn't asked Hilde to come along or even told her that she was going to visit this club...and halted her steps, staring at the small crowd of people in front of the entrance.

Was this such a good idea?

But she couldn't – wouldn't go back now that she has come this far. She had to know whether Trowa's sister, as she called herself, had been lying or telling her the truth. Relena could hardly believe that Trowa had been so cold to his own sister.

_"I'm sure he has never told you about me, has he?"_

_"No," Relena stated bluntly, still in shock._

_Catherine smiled sadly at her. "I thought so."_

_Relena had imagined this woman to be a number of things, perhaps a close friend to Trowa, his secretary, an agent, and ex-girlfriend or maybe even his secret wife but a sister…the idea just didn't cross her mind._

_'Why didn't he tell me?'_

_"He had always been like this… always taciturn, with many secrets concealed in his heart. Maybe that's why it never would have worked between us. He never told me how he felt about me."_

_Catherine's green eyes were lacklustre as she gazed uncertainly at Relena. Relena vaguely wished that she would stop talking, saying those words that sounded so harsh to her ears because Trowa had only been hers and he had been perfect._

_She wanted some time to consider the truth but Catherine ploughed on with her story._

_"I've never been the one who listened to her parents, Relena. And when I realised that my parents were right it was too late." Her voice trembled. "When I was eighteen, I ran away from home. I wanted to marry my boyfriend Jason. My parents were against our marriage as they disapproved of him. Trowa too, though he never said it. Maybe if he had I would've never left home."_

Before she even realized it she was standing in front the night club. She prepared herself for what was coming up next and suddenly, a hand shot out of nowhere and halted her progress. Bemused, Relena looked to her left and noticed a black man standing next to the entrance. There was another man guarding the other side. They both wore black suits and matching sunglasses.

'At night?' Relena thought sardonically.

Both were at least six feet tall and were solidly built, making her feel tiny. Their features also held an intimidating look. The black man at her left narrowed his eyes dangerously as he scruitinized her from head to toe.

Did she have to pay to enter the club?

'Lucky me, I left my purse in my car.'

But that was not the problem.

"You ain't no member of Antara," his voice was rough and hard. "Or are you?"

The unpleasant odor from his breath and the spray of spittle caused Relena to flinch away from his towering form.

"N-no," Relena stuttered.

Great, now she can't go inside and would have to wait for Catherine to get off from work, which is not until after midnight.

"Can I please go inside?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't detect the desperation in her voice.

"You have to be a member," he repeated obstinately.

"Well, okay then."

Deflated, Relena started turn around when an idea suddenly struck her.

"How do you become a member then?"

The black man stared menacingly down at her and opened his mouth to answer when the other man cut in.

"Rob, I think you should take her to the boss."

'Boss? Oh, he means the owner of the night club.'

The black man rubbed his chin and leered at her, making her even more ill at ease.

'God, what have I gotten myself into…'

"Ok, you come with me. Jack, I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

He gave her no time to deliberate her actions. Relena followed the guard grudgingly down a narrow dark hallway, thinking that she had to meet Catherine and if she could meet her employer first, she could find out whether Catherine had been honest or not.

But who knew how her employer would be? Catherine had divulged little to nothing about him. How would he react to her questions? It was a hazardous move but she reminded herself that not every man was like Treize.

'Or Heero.'

At the end of the hallway, a bright light shone, changing colors by the second: blue, red, yellow, green. The music seemed to be getting louder and louder with every step Relena took. she had to walk fast to keep up with the man; he gave her little time to observe the insides of the club once they stepped out of the darknesss and into the glaring light of the disco balls.

As they walked Relena noted that a huge dance floor to her left, where hundreds of people were dancing. To her right was a bar with the typical high stools and a few tables that were occupied by people who appeared to be drunk and hanging out of their seats. But nearly everyone was drunk, because the bartender was yelling at a man - Relena didn't have the faintest clue as to why - and his face was beet red.

There was a stage - three or four feet higher than the ground – directly in front of her. Scantily dressed girls danced on the stage, trying to tempt every man in the audience. Relena looked at the faces of the half-naked girls, searching for that face. And she found it.

Upon her discovery, Relena stopped in her tracks, staring unblinkingly at the woman she had just recognised, not caring that the man she had been following glared at her impatiently.

'So she hadn't been lying at all...' Relena thought, curling her hands into fists. And then suddenly, Catherine met her eyes; her gaze was frightened and surprised while Relena's was resigned and saddened.

_"Jason turned out to be a pimp. I was forced to have sex with men I didn't know and Jason said they were his friends. I had to do it because he claimed that he had debts and by doing this he wouldn't have to pay them anymore. And I did it, because I loved him..._

_Catherine sniflfed and looked away from Relena. Her eyes were shimmering in the dim light. _

_"I don't want you to pity me. I ran away from Jason when I found out the truth. I was in desperate need of work."_

Relena saw Catherine's lips moving, forming her name. She stopped dancing at the minute their gazes clashed. And in a heartbeat - to Relena's astonishment - Catherine turned and sprinted off the stage. Squinting in Relena's direction, she ran down the stairs on the side of the stage.

_"I'm a dancer at a night club... I know it's not a respectable job and I hate it. But it's a sort of punishment for me too. My parents died shortly after my departure. Trowa said it was all because of me, because I left home."_

_A tear slid down her cheek. Relena could say or do nothing but digest the tale slowly._

_"He never forgave me, and I don't blame him for that. I deserved it. I've been such a horrible daughter... and sister."_

_"But why... why didn't he tell me about you? Why..." Relena thought aloud, her brows furrowed. She wanted to believe her but coudn't believe her entirely. Why would Trowa conceal all this from her? _

_Catherine smiled sadly at her question._

_"Because of what I've done and what I am now. He's ashamed of me."_

"Relena!"

Catherine was at a lost for words as she finally made her way to the blonde through the swarm of people.

"You shouldn't have come here." She glanced warily around them.

"Why?" Relena asked bluntly, not knowing what she was getting at.

"I only wanted to ask you for the keys to Trowa's house. I – I just wanted to go there."

The moment these words left her mouth she felt ridiculous. It was a stupid reason to come here and disturb Catherine at work. But Catherine didn't say anything and nodded in comprehension. Relena felt a cold hand grasp her hand.

"It's okay, Relena, I understand. But the problem is that –"

"What are you doing here?!"

Suddenly a rough voice came boomed over the hard music. The guard was standing at Relena's side, glaring at Catherine.

"Oh Rob I just –"

"Well, be quick then. This is no coffee house where you can chitchat. Go back to work. NOW."

Catherine bit her lower lip. Relena stared at Catherine's tense expression. How could she let them treat her like this?

"I have to go right now, Relena. I'll drop by tomorrow to deliver the keys to you. But… I need them back in a week. Since his death I've gone there nearly every day."

_"But I know he still loved me." _

Before Relena could even utter her response, Catherine disappeared amongst the crowd of dancers. She didn't want to leaver Catherine just like this. This wasn't fair treatment. Everyone made mistakes, but why would she have to pay for them for the rest of her?

'_Mum… why did you do this? Why…' _

Silently she followed the black man. Her mind was void of all thoughts. It occurred to her dimly that she no longer had a reason to be in the club, but the thought faded as quickly it had surfaced.

The guard walked along the side of the stage towards a flight of stairs. The steps were narrow and slippery and let to a closed black door. Relena's eyes impulsively went to the big window at the side of the door, where the blinds were half-closed. Through them she saw movement. The guard's knock was answered with a curt "come in".

Relena lingered near the doorway when the black clad man entered but her curiosity conquered.

The room was dimly-lit, reminding her of the candle light dinner she had with Trowa just a few weeks ago. She felt her stomach tighten at the recollection and once again felt the sharp pain of loss again.

She forced herself to remain clear-minded and distracted herself by studying the room. It was probably as large as the dining room in her house. It barely registered in her foggy mind that the guard who led her here was standing behind a desk at her left. He was leaning down and talking quietly to someone sitting on with his or her back to her. That had to be the owner of the club.

She averted her head from them, her gaze traveling around the room. To her right was a comfortable-looking sofa set against the white wall, next to a table that had a glazed, fragile look to it. Her attention was promptly captured by the large photo hung above the sofa. Staring intensely, she took two steps toward it.

It was a picture of a girl, beautiful and vivacious-looking. She had curly brown hair, and a few unruly locks fell upon her forehead, but she didn't seem to be upset about that. Her pink lips were curved into the most radiant smile Relena had ever seen.

But her eyes were her most arresting feature. Relena walked closer to the picture so she could study the eyes of the twenty-or-so girl more carefully. Her eyes held a strange blend of pain, determination, and even joy. Though it was her eyes that caught Relena's attention.

They were Prussian blue.

Her breath hitched when she remembered where she had seen those eyes before.

'No way…'

To her dismay, her fear was confirmed right away.

"I see that you couldn't stay away any longer."

His voice was husky and close. Too close. She could smell the masculine scent she had become so familiar with.

'Impossible.'

Relena swirled around and nearly jumped when she finally saw how extremely close they were standing. It was unbelievable, but it _was_ him. Heero. How could she have been so oblivious that she hadn't even heard him approach?

In an instant his strong arms were around her back, pulling her reluctant body against his hard one and making her to gasp at the unexpected action. The only thing that registered in her mind then was that she needed to escape from this place and especially from his hold. She struggled in his forced embrace but stopped when she saw that grin on his irritatingly handsome face again. How she would love to wipe that off his face.

"Let go of me," she tried to say as authoritatively as she could, keeping her voice even, enunciating each word. "Or I'll –"

"Or you'll what?" He challenged her, bringing his face even closer, his eyes gloating and full of disdain as he looked down at her. "So, Relena Darlian, what will you do? Scream?"

Well, he did have a point. She realized that no one would hear her over the loud music. She shouldn't have come inside and definitely not with that guard. What a fool she was.

'I wonder what Hilde will say when she learns of this stupid adventure of mine.'

She could even imagine Hilde shaking her head in disbelief and and saying: "Relena, where is your head?" That was, if she makes it out of here alive.

But to Relena's surprise Heero released her. She took advantage of the moment immediately, stepping away from him and creating a safe distance between them. And she knew she was safe as long he wouldn't approach her again. Surprisingly, he made his way back to his desk.

"Spying is a bad thing, Relena, especially if girls do that."

Strangely his voice held more amusement than venom or threat. Well, looking at it from his perspective, it was. He was leaning against a cabinet and eyeing her from head to toe, lingering on the bare legs visible from under her knee-length trench coat. God, she felt so uneasy under his gaze and couldn't stop a blush from rising quickly to her cheeks.

"You do know that this is not the right outfit for a place like this?"

She wondered if he was doing this on purpose, making her feel humiliated. She searched for the right words, wanting to tell him something that would shut his mouth and lessen his arrogance, but found none. His smirk was definitely not helping her wits. He was looking at her with such intensity and something else that she couldn't quite place.

He almost, no, he does look like some sort of sex god wearing black pants and a black shirt, the first few buttons left open, giving her a good view of his collar bones.

'What the hell am I thinking?'

"So…" he brought her attention back to his face. He looked away while lighting his cigarette. "… are you going to take off that coat," he blew a cloud of smoke, mischief twinkling in his eyes. "Or should I?"

At that something snapped inside her. Relena glared at him. What he wanted from her and why he was doing this, she didn't know, but she knew that she won't let him play with her anymore.

"You're disgusting," her voice was low, barely audible but she knew that he'd heard her.

She glanced again at the picture of the girl, feeling a great calmness wash over her, before heading towards the door. Her hand was hovering above the door handle when Heero appeared at her side, obviously with other ideas in mind.

Before she realized what happened he had pinned her against the door with the length of his body, his eyes piercing.

"Good girls don't say that."

"Ah, I see, but well-mannered men don't do this either," she spat back at him.

She tried to push him away, her hands on his solid chest but he took them firmly in his hands, pinning them to her sides.

"But this _is_ what you want."

To emphasize his words he grinded his groin against her. Relena swallowed a moan but couldn't stop her body from arching into his, feeling something she had never felt before.

Damn, traitorous body.

With a grin on his face he brought his lips down to hers. She saw it coming and tried to turn her head away but to no avail. His hungry lips crashed onto hers, his tongue coaxing her mouth open. Her willpower was too weak to stand against his attack.

She couldn't hold the moans back any longer as he gently grinded against the juncture of her thighs in a slow, steady rhythm and deepened the kiss. She couldn't do more than respond to his assault, her thoughts incoherent and her mind blurry.

But it had to stop.

His legs were in between hers and she could feel his hands traveling under her clothes. Cold fingers came into contact with the exposed skin of her shoulders and pushed her trench coat down. He eased himself away somewhat, picking up the coat and tossing it over to the desk with one hand. She felt exposed in the short, white dress she wore underneath.

He claimed her lips again before his mouth drifted lower to her neck. Her eyes snapped open realizing what was happening, or what was about to happen. She felt disgusted with herself. How could she ever face herself again in the mirror?

She heard a distant sound and tried to discern where it was coming from, but couldn't in her current state of mind. What was it? She felt him tense against her when the irritating sound didn't stop.

Vaguely she heard him utter 'fuck' before he freed her wrists from his bruising grasp. Not looking at her, he walked over to the phone on his desk and picked up the receiver.

"Yes?" she heard him impatiently say.

For a moment she just stared at his back, the muscles visible through the thin material of the shirt, his hair as unruly as ever. Her fingers ached to touch it, feel the locks sliding through her fingers.

Then it suddenly got through to her that she now had a chance to get the hell out of here. She reached for the door handle and pushed it down. She sighed and glanced at the framed picture one last time before turning around and rushing down the stairs, not caring that the door was left open. Though the music was deafening, she could still hear Heero cursing.

Immediately she heard his footsteps behind her. Well, he couldn't do anything to her down here, right?

She was within a few feet of the exit when a firm hand seized her wrist rather roughly. He dragged her to the dance floor and into the swarm of people. As soon as she began to fight him he caught her harshly by her shoulders.

"Don't make a scene out here."

His words held a threat, though he whispered them in her ear, his breathing fanning out over her ear and her neck. She complied, not knowing if it was because of his threatening words, the intimate position they were in or his breath on her skin that made her shiver and sigh in sheer delight.

Before she knew it they were dancing, his hands on her back, hers on his broad shoulders. She looked away from him shyly, all coherent thoughts lost. All that was left was the feeling of his hands on the small of her back, burning through her thin dress.

"Why are you doing this?"

The question fell from her lips before she realized that she had been thinking that.

"You should know why."

"Why?"

She stared over his broad shoulder into nothing. She was agan feeling so… hollow, empty from inside. He didn't answer and instead ran his hands all over her back, lingering in her long hair. As much as she wanted to get away from him, she wanted to stay there too, in his arms. She was split inside. A part of her was still holding onto Trowa, and the other to Heero. Would she be one ever again?

Then she felt his hand on her chin, lifting her head up, locking eyes with her before he dipped his head down, closing the gap between their lips.


End file.
